Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Stalker Betty, the crazy neighbor

The lady across the street, Betty, called me today. You all may remember Betty as the woman who apparently keeps a very close eye on our house. She is the one who informed my husband that possums were living under our porch.

Well, today Betty called to ask about Discovery Toys. (Yippee!) So, I immediately went into sales mode. After a few minutes of toy talk, Betty said, “Oh, I have something funny I wanted to tell you.” Great! I’m always up for a funny story.

Betty said she happened to be watching our house a couple of months ago. Wait a minute! Isn’t this how the possum story started?! Come to think of it, the day I gave birth to my daughter, Betty told me, “Oh, I saw you leave for the hospital.” (at 4:30 in the morning!!!)

So, anyway, stalker Betty was watching our house. (again!!!) She said she noticed Eli playing in the front yard. Okay, right there I have a problem because Eli is not allowed to play in the front yard unsupervised. She said she watched him for a few minutes because she didn’t see any parents (now, Betty is judging me). As she was watching him in the front yard, he suddenly stood up, pulled down his pants and “went potty.” That’s what she said – “He went potty right there in your yard and then walked around for a little while with his pants around his ankles before he finally pulled them back up.”

Oh. My. God. How does one respond to something like this?! As I am listening, horrified, Betty is laughing, telling me she wished she had a video camera. I can’t even tell you the thoughts racing through my head at that moment. First, she didn’t specify the term “going potty” so I’m just going to assume she meant pee. God, I hope so!

After several different emotions raced through my head, I finally decided on one – denial. I said, “Are you SURE it was my son?” She said, “Oh yes! I’m sure!” As she continued to laugh at her recollection of Eli’s little potty break, I quickly got off the phone – thoughts of hitting her up to buy toys long forgotten.

When my husband got home, I shared the story with him. His reaction was the same as mine – Eli is not allowed to play out in the front yard unsupervised. I said, “EXACTLY!”

So, we have come to a conclusion. Betty is a drunkard. Either that or she just makes sh*t up. Or possibly both.

Denial is a lovely thing.


jen said...

just found your blog from crazymumma's place and am so glad i did...laughed out loud at Betty...I suppose it's all funny unless they live next door to you.

Penny said...

Stalker Betty! That's hilarious! It reminds me of the old lady on the old "Bewitched" shows! It's a real pity you can't do magic and make her see some really bizarre stuff at your house!

Hulai said...

Oh my goodness! Nosey neighbors are annoying! Ours sure are, but they never have done anything like that! I would be denying too!!! But oh soo funny!

Andrew said...

Hey, when you don't like reality, just make up your own. Problem solved. Good for you!

Andrew ("To Love, Honor and Dismay")

Morgen said...

I'm TOTALLY picturing Stalker Betty as Gladys Kravitz!!!

I can just hear her saying "Aaaabner! That little Ian boy is peeing in the yard again!!!! Aaaaabner!"

slackermommy said...

oooh! I can't stand those kind of neighbors. I've learned to respond to people like that with "What's your point?" It usually takes them off guard.

Julie said...

And if he really peed in the yard, wouldn't the grass have turned yellow from the urine, like it does with dogs? Yeah, she's making it up. CSI case solved!