First off, please welcome Sadie to the blogroll. Honestly, I thought she was already on my blogroll, but apparently I was drunk. I have officially added her today, and it is long overdue. If you have not read Sadie's blog, you should!
On to today's topic! I believe in my Halloween meme I related how much I hate snakes. After today, I can clearly recall how much I truly despise spiders. *shiver*
This actually started when I was in college. I lived in this little studio apartment right off campus. The apartment was infested with spiders. And not just regular spiders – daddy long legs. I know these are about the most harmless spiders out there, but they are scary because they are so freaking big! I saw one once in that apartment that was the size of my hand! (And I’m really not exaggerating!)
I also hated them because they seemed to enjoy that element of surprise. I would get a bowl from the top shelf of my cabinet, and there would be one of those damn spiders hiding inside. Or I would take a shower and have my eyes closed while washing my hair. When I would tip my head back to rinse out my hair and open my eyes, there was a spider dangling above my face. Those damn things would purposely screw with me.
Why is all of this coming up now, you may ask. Because today, I saw the biggest damn spider I have ever seen in my life. We’re talking tarantula-sized! It was in my basement/rec room. I went downstairs to do the laundry and screamed when this sprang out on the wall.
Eli, my 4-year-old protector, came running. “What’s wrong, mommy?” Me (the adult) replied, “Ew. A spider! Ew. Ew. I hate spiders!” as I scurried back up the stairs. Eli was trying to comfort me. “Spiders won’t hurt you, mommy. They just tickle your hand.” He started to reach for it.
“NO!” I screamed! “Don’t touch it!” He seemed very confused. I told him to leave the thing alone while I called his father. Luckily, Eric was on the way home. He just seemed to laugh when he heard me hysterically screaming about a spider. Then, I went back downstairs and saw Eli trying to knock the spider off the wall with a broom. “Look mommy, I made the spider move.”
“Eli! Don’t touch it!” He still didn’t comprehend my hysteria. Wait until he lives in a grungy apartment and finds a spider on his bed in the middle of the night. We’ll see whose calm then!
Eric finally got home, and followed the shrieks downstairs. He looked all macho until he actually spotted the spider. “OHMYGOD!”
Exactly! Now who’s screaming like a girl? He said, “That is the biggest freaking spider I have ever seen in my life!” Okay, that’s what I said, yet he didn’t believe me on the phone. He reminded me that I am prone to exaggeration (whatever) as he located something to “catch” the spider with. Jeez! What happened to the days when we actually killed spiders. But, no. Apparently, this one needed to be released into the wild to create more scary gigantic spiders which can attack my house.
Eric carefully captured the spider in a cup, and with Eli jumping around him, they escorted the thing outside – far, far away from the house per my request.
Good Lord. Imagine what would happen if I saw a mouse.
8 comments:
As a "catch & release" spider guy, who lives with a "if you see 'em then kill 'em" kind of guy, I got a great big laugh out of this story!
you have such a great wit & style with your writing: the reason why I'm back here every day!
thanks for making me laugh ~ mo
So glad no spiders were harmed in the writing of this post! I have a strict ban on insect homicide in my house :) Very funny post!
My kids laugh at me because I make them release all the spiders back into the wild. Even the daddy long legs.
Oh goodness I was laughing so hard when I read this post. I'll definately be checking back often. I like your writing style. :)
Thanks for the link!
I like for my hubby to release critters into the wild. I can't do it myself, of course, because I can't go anywhere near them, but I like for him to do it. ;)
I hate mice worse, Spiders not so bad. Though the ones that decide to come up our water pipes and show up when your doing your business, those are scary. Mrs. Duck says vacuum cleaners are great spider killers.
Except if the vacuum doesn't suck them into little bits, they crawl back out, darn it!! (Yes, I used to try to kill spiders with a vacuum too.) Mice are better than spiders, at least mice have the right number of legs.
I love toddlers because they are still at that stage where everything is interesting - including spiders. I mean sure it could have been poisionous (we have those here in the Pacific Northwest) but if it wasn't how big it is just makes it all the more interesting right? Lol.
I would have been pretty squemish in your position too though. :P
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