Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Dental anxiety

Today was Monday all over the place. Last night started off with cranky teething baby Georgia waking up at 3 a.m. Another tooth popped through, but she still has a lower molar that’s coming up and going back down. It’s killing me!

After about three hours, Georgia fell asleep. If you’re keeping track, we’re now at 6 a.m. I fell back asleep, too. The only problem is that I had a dentist appointment at 8:30 a.m. We woke up at 8 a.m. Crap. I downed my antibiotics because I am one of those people who must pre-medicate, pulled on my clothes, brushed and quickly flossed (I would really like to know if they can tell who flosses and who doesn’t), and jumped in the car. On no coffee.

I read an article that said people who are tired or groggy are more dangerous on the road than people who are drunk. After being up half the night and being on the road with no caffeine in my system, I was lucky I made it to the dentist in one piece – and only 10 minutes late.

They were waiting on me, but before I could launch into my explanation, they said, “It’s okay. We know you have small children.” Thank God! Understanding people.

I settled into the reclining chair complete with my paper bib, and tried to prepare myself. I had to have fillings when I was 8, and after 25 years, they were starting to crumble. My appointment today was to have them replaced. I wish they would just knock me out because let me tell you, that Novocain needle is one giant f***ing needle. I about passed out when I saw that thing coming at me. What happened to the freaking gas?

After three shots of Novocain, I was drooling all over myself and everything was completely numb. Then the dentist said, “I’m going to make sure you can’t feel anything. I’m going to jab you really hard in the gums.” He takes that damn sharp pokey thing and starts jabbing the hell out of me. “Can you feel that? Can you feel that?” I couldn’t, but I knew that jabbing was going to come back to haunt me.

Even though I couldn’t feel what they were doing to my teeth, I could feel what they were doing to my mouth. Apparently they mistook me for Elastigirl the way they were stretching my mouth out. I think the dentist and his hygienist both had their hands in my mouth at once.

When they were finally done, I was warned not to bite my mouth or tongue because I couldn’t feel anything and could easily bite a hole in my tongue. Why do dentists tell you this sh*t? Is it to scare you? And after they say it, what is the first thing you do? You bite your freaking tongue to see if you can feel it!

They also told me not to eat anything until lunch, but said it was okay to have coffee (yay!), so I stopped at Scooter’s on the way home to get a four-shot latte in a lame attempt to wake myself up.

After that, I did feel better . . . until the damn Novocain wore off. Double crap! My mouth hurts like a mofo! Not my teeth – my mouth. The back part of my jaw where they gave me those three shots of Novocain and then jabbed the hell out of me is killing me. I still haven’t eaten because – ouch! If they don’t give you take-home Novocain, the least they could have done is prescribed some Percocet. The sadists!

Oh well, I’m trying to look on the bright side. Maybe I’ll lose a little weight out of this fiasco. One can only hope!


Hulai said...

wow now i am scared! I have to go to the dentist pretty soon, growing up my parents had 4 children, so we were watched quite a bit. Mom always made sure we brushed, flossed all that stuff, but we never had the money for the dentist. Now Im freaked about going! I now have great insurance so I can go. But Im totally scared! Is it always that bad??? Yeah I know I am silly asking that question right???

Morgen said...

I won't tell you how long it's been since I've been to the dentist.
For many years I had dental insurance, and didn't go -- so now I have no dental insurance and I'll use that as my excuse not to go.
I can rationalize anything.
Hope you & your mouth are feeling better soon!
Do you have any ambusol or anything like that that you're using for Georgia's teething? Can you use some of it on yourself?
Or maybe just a big shot of rum in the Lively Columbian!

Anonymous said...

wow... dentist and children. hmmm... there seem to be a relationship between this 2 reality characters in books and in life. hmmm =/


slackermommy said...

I feel your pain. My baby isn't sleeping well either and I hope it's teething. She's 10 months and doesn't have any teeth yet. I hope she's got some in there. I'm getting worried. I also have a filling that's cracking and I DREAD going to the dentist.

Irene said...

Dentists = Sadists

Ugh! I would totally shun going to the dentist if only I wasn't so vain about my teeth. :p

Julie said...

You poor thing! Yep, 3 shots of novocaine is what I have to get. I always feel like some sort of freaky drug addict --- you mean, you need to give me THREE shots before I'm numb??? Glad to hear I'm not the only druggie. ;-)

scribbit said...

I can't avoid the dentist, he's my uncle. Somehow flossing always seems to come up in family activity conversations.

A chuisle said...

i know this comment is a few days late, but campbells chicken noodle soup is the best way to go after a dentist appt. like that. trust me, i had braces and 12 teeth removed...and my wisdom teeth...it's the BEST way to feel better and get something in your stomach.

man, i am so feeling your pain...feel better!!!