Sunday, October 15, 2006

Bank robbing mommy

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like a complete looney-toon? Well, this happens to me a lot. (I’ll bet you’re surprised, aren’t you?) This week, I had one of those days.

Thursday was bank day. I had to go to the credit union and the bank. Whenever I walk into a financial institution (or even when I go through the drive-through), I think about robbing the place.

Now, don’t go call the police. I would never actually rob a bank. But for some reason, every time I enter one, I start to wonder how difficult it would be to get into the vault. I wonder if there really is one of those silent alarm buttons behind the desk. And I wonder if I would be smart enough to do it and not get caught. I wonder if anyone has ever tried to rob a bank while at the drive-through. I mean, you're already in the get-away car. Although, I'll bet those tellers are behind bullet-proof glass. Then I start thinking about past bank robberies. I think about Patty Hearst. She soooo should have worn a ski mask. And so should the cell phone girl.

I wonder all of this while waiting in line humming along to the muzak of “Can’t Smile Without You.”

And I don't just think about this occasionally. I seriously think about this EVERY time I walk into a bank. Right down to how long it would take me to get away. I usually back out of my delirium when I realize the police would arrive before I could get the money in the trunk and both kids strapped into their car seats.

Does this make me a crazy person? Or do I just have a warped and twisted psyche? Because up until Thursday, I honestly thought this was a normal random thought that everyone had. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my husband. “You know how when you walk into a bank, you automatically think about robbing it?” (This is where that looney-toon feeling comes in.) He looked at me as if a monkey head had just sprouted out the side of my neck. “Uh, no,” he said.

I said, “Really?! You’ve never thought about robbing a bank?”

Answer: “No.” (psycho) “Apparently, it’s just you.” (you whackadoo). Sometimes, I actually can read his mind.

Then I went to the salon for a hair appointment. At this point, I just couldn’t let it rest. I asked Cassandra (my stylist) and
Heather #1, “When you go into a bank, do you think about robbing it?”

They gave each other “the look.” They both said, “Um, no.” Great! So, apparently, I am freaking crazy.

At least I have a great Thursday 13 to work on – 13 random thoughts that cross through my mind. The bank thing is definitely #1. But I have to know – do any of you think about the whole robbing a bank thing? Anyone? Bueller?


sjer said...

I have a couple of times, not every time. I've always attributed it to the ex making me watch too many heist movies.

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Julie said...

I've thought about it, but not every time. I guess I'm more focused on getting what I need and getting the hell out of there, before I have to murder one of the bank tellers for being an idiot. You're not crazy - just.....imaginative! Yeah, that's it!

ian said...

I would rob a bank.


Penny said...

Nah! I can't say that I've ever imagined robbing a bank. I have jokingly said that I should just rob a bank but that's about it. I don't think your a psycho because you do either because I have other random thoughts sometimes that would make me seem crazy. I think we all do!

Sunrunner said...

Sure I've thought about it. We've talked about different crimes, and various thoughts on motive, but that's probably due to my work. I don't think your crazy, at least no more than the rest of us!!!

slackermommy said...

I used to think about it all the time but I stopped. Not sure why. My meds must be working.

Morgen said...

Okay, I read this at home yesterday, but for some reason couldn't comment...
so, I'm in the bank this morning and when Bessie and I walk in, everyone says, "Hi Bessie! Hi Morgen!"
It's a small, small town -- is there anyone who doesn't know that Bessie & I go for coffee & donuts on Monday morning?!?!
So, even though I am known by everyone IN THE BANK, I still wonder how I could rob it.
So, yes, to answer your question: EVERY time I'm in a bank, I wonder if I could get away with robbing it.
I thought it was just me!

Stacey said...

Are you freaking kidding me? I have NEVER thought of that! You know me. That is like, never gonna happen.