2. Glancing outside Halloween night, I spotted a grown man wearing a pirate’s hat and a grown woman carrying a death sickle. Only at Halloween.
3. What the hell is a Lemonhead, and why do people think I need so many of these in my . . . er . . . I mean in my kids’ trick-or-treat bags.
4. Since Georgia wouldn’t wear the Dora wig (when I tried it on her, she screamed like I had put a dead skunk on her head), and wouldn’t wear her backpack half the time, her costume was basically a girl in a sweatsuit. I kept telling people, “She’s Blonde Dora. Just go with it.”
5. Why is it, I can turn on the TV on Halloween night and find Halloween 6 (which sucks by the way), but not the original Halloween? I have it on DVD, but that’s not really the point, now, is it?
6. I am learning that children who normally love stickers, absolutely hate them when they get them trick-or-treating. Dude! It’s Halloween! Give them candy! For that matter, anyone who hands out raisins or toothbrushes deserves to get their house egged.
7. There really should be an age limit for trick-or-treating. If you are 17 and show up at my house with no costume, holding out a pillowcase, I am NOT giving you candy.
8. Eli’s preschool director continues to dress inappropriately at Halloween. This year, it was slutty ballerina. I wish I could get a picture of this for you guys! I didn’t know you could get a tutu that short.
9. I have seen Hannah Montana on TV, and she is NOT slutty. Why is it that every girl I saw dressed as Hannah Montana had to skank up their costumes. My gawd! Do some parents look at their children before they leave the house?
10. If you want a child to have one piece of candy, give them one piece of candy. Don’t put your huge bowl in front of their face and say, “Now only take ONE piece.” You think a kid has that much self-control? Because I certainly don’t.
11. The candy bowls with the hands in them that grab you may be funny to you, but they scare the hell out of a 2-year-old. Not cool, people. Not cool.
12. Yes, Blonde Dora! She is too dressed up! Don’t make me bitch slap you on Halloween. What is with these people?
13. My children are brutally honest. My neighbor jokingly told Eli to eat all his candy before bedtime. Eli said, “My mommy said I can’t or all my teeth will fall out!”