Projectile Vomiting at Cracker Barrel

This week's Manic Monday word is Wet. For more Manic Monday info, don't forget to visit Morgen.

I haven't done Manic Monday in awhile, but I thought this would be a good day to give it a shot since I had the perfect incident for Wet. Anyone who follows me on Facebook or Twitter might know a little bit about this incident.

I have been craving Cracker Barrel pancakes for weeks! Last month, we were planning to go get pancakes on my birthday, but my son decided to have a fever that weekend, so we couldn't go anywhere. We rescheduled for this last Friday because Eric was off work and the kids were on Spring Break.

We woke up on Friday morning and headed to Cracker Barrel. We walked in, sat down, and I asked Georgia "Do you want pancakes?" Georgia turned, looked at me and threw up all over me. Everyone's first reaction when I tell them this story is "Oh, poor Georgia." My first reaction was, "You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!!"

I immediately pulled her to me so the waves of puke would just go on me and not everywhere else. Unfortunately, the woman next to me was directly in my line of vision, and at Georgia's first gag, she put her hand to her mouth, and I thought she was going to toss her cookies, too. I figured I had better get Georgia out of there as quickly as possible, so I scooped her up and carried her out of the restaurant as quickly as I could. I thought I was being subtle, but the wet clomping of my shoe proved otherwise, and I knew I was leaving a trail of throw-up as I walked out of Cracker Barrel. Plus, Georgia threw up on me two more times on the way out the door, leaving me completely wet and covered with throw-up.

And here is the really annoying part. After we got home, she was FINE! Never had another incident, and acted perfectly normal! She just had to be sick at the one time we were getting pancakes - something I had wanted for weeks. Then she was fine. Can you tell that I'm still a little bitter?

Manic Monday - Season

Happy Manic Monday! This week’s word is Season. That reminds me, it is the season for Christmas shopping, so if you still have a job and have money to spend, head over to The Wren’s Nest for some kick-ass holiday gifts!!!!

I really do love the holiday season. I always have Thanksgiving at my house and both sets of parents come up for the holiday. I think I’m beginning to perfect it. I no longer serve turkey because there are way too many leftovers. This season, we are doing pork loins, cream cheese & chive mashed potatoes, dressing, noodles, rolls, and green bean casserole. For dessert, I’m doing pumpkin pie and pecan pie, and I’m trying to decide on that all important third pie. I found a great recipe at Pillsbury.com that I was thinking of trying for a pumpkin-ginger pie with marshmallow topping. It sounds orgasmic. Let me know what you think.

Oh! And lots of wine! I can’t forget that. Because who could resist an entire day of my mom calling me a wino.

The thing that screws me up this year is that Thanksgiving is so late. I’m one of these people that doesn’t start shopping for the Christmas season until after Thanksgiving, even though the Christmas season apparently starts now in October. I swear, it just gets earlier and earlier every year. At least this year, the kids are getting a Wii for Christmas, which we already have, so there shouldn’t be too much more shopping to do. That’s good because I’m heading to New York for work the second week in December. I’ll have the “ohmygodihavetogetonaplane” anxiety leading up to that, and by the time I get back, well hell – it’s almost Christmas! This season is flying by!!

What are all your plans for the holiday season. Online shopping – plan #1! The further away I can stay from the mall, the better!

Manic Monday - Colorful

Happy Halloween a little late! I know I haven't been blogging a lot lately, and I do have a good excuse, which I will (hopefully) blog about this week. In the meantime, I wanted to share some Halloween pictures of my little goblins, and this week's Manic Monday theme gave me the perfect word - colorful.

Eli was the new Speed Racer, Georgia was Stephanie from LazyTown, Daddy was classic Speed Racer, and me? Well, I went as Speed Racer's girlfriend. The comment we received the most from people was about Georgia's colorful hair! Her costume did come with a wig, but she refused to leave it on. Rather than fight with her, I just bought pink hairspray, which she loved. The only problem is that the hairspray rubs off on EVERYTHING!

Now, having been a blonde my whole life, there have been times when I have made my hair very colorful. I learned that the colorful hairspray comes out easily (unless you use black). Other people, apparently have never used colorful hairspray because everyone who looked at Georgia's hair would say things like, "I can't believe you dyed her hair pink. I hope it comes out," or they would just flat out say, "You've ruined her hair. That's not going to come out."

Dude! First of all, I get really sick of everyone and their opinions. But instead of offering them a great big cup of shut the fuck up, I just smiled and said, "It will come out. I've done this before." And guess what? It came out just fine. If anything, Georgia is upset because we no longer have a reason to color her hair pink. Maybe I should just do it every Friday for fun. What do you think? (see slide show in next post)

Manic Monday - Ghost

This week’s Manic Monday word is Ghost! Oh, how I absolutely LOVE Halloween – when all the ghosts and goblins come out! Halloween is great fun now that we have kids, but even before kids, we always had a great time this time of year! Eric and I actually had our first date on Halloween weekend 1992.

The year we got married, 1994, we went to Boston in October to visit some friends. They took us to Salem, where they were having the Witches’ Festival. Now, THAT is a freaking AWESOME place to be at Halloween! Salem is full of ghosts and witches – one of which read my palm. Thank God her reading didn’t come true. She told me I was going to have twins.

A few years ago – 7 to be exact – Eric and I visited San Antonio in October. This was our last vacation before we had kids. I remember thinking how much fun it would be to stay in a haunted hotel. We stayed at the Emily Morgan, which is right across the street from the Alamo. This hotel is really haunted because it is an old hospital that was converted into a hotel. In fact, when you make a reservation and tell them you’re a ghost hunter, they’ll give you a discount.

It was all fun until I got the bright idea for us to take a ghost tour of downtown San Antonio. We learned all about the ghosts that frequent the Alamo, which was very cool. The freaky part was when the guy focused on our hotel and we heard about how haunted it really was. There was one room that they didn’t even rent out to people unless it was specifically requested because there were too many people who left the hotel screaming in the middle of the night due to the ghostly happenings in that room.

Now let me tell you, as cool as it is to stay in a haunted hotel, it certainly does not seem cool in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep and have to get up to go to the bathroom at 2 am. I actually woke my husband up to walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I was that terrified. Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be staying in anymore haunted hotels. They are awfully fun to visit, but not spend the night in.

Manic Monday - Bite

This week’s Manic Monday word is Bite! As some of you may know, I am a huge Buffy fan just like Mo!! That is the first place my mind went to – those lovely vampires. Oh, there will never be another Angel, will there?

Anyway, I got to thinking about some of the vampire movies that I absolutely love, and one of my favorites is Love At First Bite! Have you all seen this? This 1979 movie stars George Hamilton as Count Dracula, who moves to New York to find his bride, and he falls in love with Cindy, played by Susan Saint James. This movie is flipping hilarious! It’s worth watching just to see Arte Johnson play Renfield. I love this movie! It is a great laugh, and this is the perfect time of the year to cuddle in and watch it. Here are a few great lines from the movie:

Dracula: “I’m going out for a bite to drink.”

Dr. Rosenberg: “You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better.”

Dracula: “Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night.”

Dracula: “Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two.”

What are some of your favorite vampire shows or movies? Many people have directed me to the HBO show . . . is it Torchwood? I still want to watch that. And I know Twilight is really big. I bought the book, but I haven’t read it yet, and I know there is a movie coming out soon. I have so much to catch up on!!

Have a great Manic Monday! And if you don’t, you can just Bite me!

Manic Monday - Moon

This week’s Manic Monday word is Moon, and as I write this, I looked over to see my daughter’s bare bottom. Originally, I was going to write about something with the full moon for Halloween. I had a whole thing going on in my head about Friday the 13th and the “sh sh sh sh fu fu fu fu” music. Then I thought about my friend Andrea, the nurse, who cringes every month when there is a full moon because she gets all the crazies.

However, when I am constantly faced with my daughter mooning me, I feel that I need to write about that. She has been potty trained now for going on three months, but we have yet to get her to pull her pants up afterward. In the summer, she did okay because we put her in dresses all the time. But now that the weather is cooler, she is wearing pants, and apparently she deems them way to difficult to yank back up after using the bathroom. So what does she do? She pulls her pants down and kicks them completely off, uses the potty, and then runs around the house half-naked. I guess that’s not a huge problem when we’re at home, except for the fact that she sits like a guy with her legs spread wide open.

I would just prefer not to be mooned by my 3-year-old every five seconds. So I try to keep pants on her – a difficult task. I can’t wait until parent-teacher conference at preschool because I am really curious to see if she does the same thing there. Although, I have a feeling if she was running around, airing out her vajayjay, they would have told me by now . . . wouldn’t they?

Manic Monday - Leaf

This week’s Manic Monday word is Leaf. Thank you to Janna from Jannaverse for today's Manic Monday graphic!

When most people think of Leaves, they probably think of beautiful fall foliage. I, however, think of an increase in cat gak.

Yes, I’m a realist. I have a cat – Marcel – who loves to eat plants and leaves. It’s like chocolate mousse to him – I don’t get it. His favorite treat is dried up fall leaves. We have a lot of trees around our house, so there is never a shortage of leaves blowing around our house. I’m not quite sure why, but every time one of the kids runs through the door, they create enough of a wind gust that my living room looks like someone dumped out a bag of leaves on the floor.

That’s when Marcel pounces. No matter how much I sweep, there are always leaves on my floor from October through December (at least). I wouldn’t care so much that he ate them if he didn’t puke them all up in strategic places. Yes, Marcel likes the leaves, but they don’t like him. I dread the “crunch crunch crunch” chewing sound because I know that tasty leaf is going to end up as cat gak between my toes at 4 am the next morning when I’m walking to the bathroom.

And that’s another thing – why do cats have to gak it up in high-traffic areas? Why can’t they sidle over to the side of the room, or under the dining room table? Why do they have to throw up in the middle of the family room or kitchen, or (my personal favorite) in doorways? And usually in the middle of the night?

So, that is my curse. Yes, those fall leaves sure are pretty. Until they actually fall and then get hacked up by my cat.

Manic Monday - Nuts

I am so excited that Morgen – our Manic Monday leader – has started a Manic Monday Blog!! (You know, because he wasn’t busy enough already!) I hope you will all check out his new Manic Monday Blog here.

This week’s Manic Monday word is Nuts. I thought of a couple of things for this one, so I am going to post both of them. Some of you know that I have a problem at times controlling my cussing. Before I had kids, I never really thought about it. However, that all changed very quickly. I tend to yell at people when I am driving, and one day, a 2-year-old Eli came home after a trip out with mommy, and asked his dad, “What’s a fuckwad?”

After that, I tried really hard to replace the “F” word and the “S” word in my vocabulary. One of the terms I tried was, “Oh, nuts!” Dude! I’m sorry, but that’s just not the same. I also tried “Oh, fudge!” That one seems to have stuck with Eric. I just can’t do it. Sometimes you just need to use the “F” word. Now, I just say the letter in front of the kids, such as “I can’t believe that effing jerk cut me off!” That seems to work okay. For now.

The other thing that came to mind with nuts is all of the yummy fall recipes it’s time to make. Oh, I love fall baking – the pumpkin, the cinnamon, the cloves, the nuts. YUM! Tomorrow, I am making a new recipe for pumpkin loaf. I haven’t tried it before, but it sounds really good. Here it is:

Ingredients
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup margarine
1 1/4 cups white sugar
2 eggs
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup cinnamon chips
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease one 9x5x3 inch loaf pan.

2. Put softened cheese, butter, and sugar in mixing bowl. Cream together well. Beat in eggs one at a time until blended. Mix in pumpkin.

3. In another bowl combine flour, soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, cloves, cinnamon chips and walnuts. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Pour all at once over batter. Stir just enough to moisten. Turn into greased 9x5x3 inch loaf pan.

4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 60-70 minutes until inserted toothpick comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan. Remove to rack to finish cooling.

Manic Monday - Formula

This week’s Manic Monday word is formula. When you’re a mom with young children, only one thing comes to mind – baby formula. Dude! No one ever told me how expensive that stuff is. When I had a baby and got to the point where I wasn’t breastfeeding (and let’s be honest, it wasn’t long), I about hyperventilated when I saw the price of formula.

Then after going through the emotional (and painful) hell of stopping the breastfeeding and switching to formula, you get the “looks” from all the other moms because you’re not breastfeeding. Or even better than the looks, the comments! Grrrr. . . I would get very annoyed with other women commenting on my breastfeeding, or lack thereof.

There are definite benefits to the formula – the biggest of which is that you don’t have to get up every single time in the middle of the night with the baby. Men can bottle feed babies with formula, too!!! Oh yeah!!

Eric and I were actually discussing this today. With the money we spent in formula and diapers, we could take a freaking cruise around Hawaii. I know some women who miss that baby phase. And okay, there is a part of me that does. However, now that everyone in my house eats regular food and wears regular underpants, I am jumping for freaking joy!!!

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Manic Monday - Iron

Okay, I’m anal as all hell. That shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone, should it? I mean, usually, I’m just crazy obsessive anal-retentive on a daily basis, and thank God, my husband has chosen to find it endearing. However, when I am in any sort of a stressful or unfamiliar situation, my OCD is taken to a whole new level.

Personally, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that I like to have all details ironed out. Apparently, this drives everyone else completely insane. I am leaving for New York on Saturday morning for a business trip. I am very excited because I have never been to New York City. I am also a little freaked out because I have never been to New York City. To top it all off, I am traveling by myself. You can imagine my stress level.

For the last two weeks, I have been ironing out every little detail I can possibly think of. I have lists upon lists – lists of what I’m packing, of what I’m carrying on, of what I’m going to do when I’m there – lists, lists, lists. I have a new book to take on the plane, as well as a new iPod, which I bought specifically for the trip (and, btw, I did figure out how to rip a dvd to the ipod, if I want to pay $30 for the software). I bought a huge new suitcase for the trip, and I’m hoping it’s going to fit everything for my 2 ½ day trip. Yes, I’m leaving Saturday morning, and returning Monday night. Eric just gawked at my suitcase, and said, “I could pack two weeks worth of stuff in that suitcase!” He obviously doesn’t understand that I need to pack options! Hello!!

The next set of details I needed to iron out was getting to and from the airport. Once I get to New York, I won’t know where the hell I am or where to go. My plane lands at 1:30 at LaGuardia, and I have to be at the hotel by 3:30 if I want to make our group bus tour. Everyone says, “Oh, that’s plenty of time!” Is it? Is it really? Because to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I have ever ever had a flight that has been on time. My flights always get delayed! I don’t mean to send out negative cosmic energy here, but I’m just saying.

Luckily, I found out on Friday, that my company is providing transfers, and there will be someone waiting for me when I get off the plane, holding a sign with my name on it. Just like in the movies!! Woo hoo!! I have my camera ready so I can snap pictures of whoever it is that is holding the sign. Eric rolled his eyes at that one, thanking the heavens that he wouldn’t be with me.

I just hope that after ironing out every detail I could possibly think of, I haven’t left anything that could go wrong. Cross your fingers for me.

Manic Monday - Club

This week’s Manic Monday word is Club, so I thought this would be the perfect time to tell you about our Friday date night. Eric and I went to see Kathy Griffin while Grandma and Grandpa watched the kids.

I know I’ve talked about Kathy Griffin before. I am a big, big fan!! She was at Starlight Amphitheatre here in Kansas City, which is one of my favorite venues. About a week before the show, Eric got an email from Starlight giving him the chance to buy tickets to their VIP club for the show. Apparently, if you have VIP club tickets, you get to enjoy dinner and drinks in their nice little club at Starlight before the show. It was only $45 per person. I really wanted to do it since Eric and I don’t get many date nights.

Eric thought an extra $90 was way too much especially since it didn’t include VIP parking. *sigh* So we went to Mr. Goodcents to eat before going to the show. Dude! That is sooo not the same thing. Speaking of parking, I did wonder how that works as we walked into the venue. They park everyone out in a field and you walk up to Starlight. However, there are a lucky few who get to park in the up-close parking lot. I would seriously like to know what club you have to join or whose d*ck you have to suck to get a good parking spot. Seriously, I’m curious.

Anyway, back to Kathy Griffin. Even though we were not VIP club members, we still had an awesome freaking time, and she was on for two hours! I was very impressed. She was very funny, and when she talked about Paula Abdul and Nancy Grace, I thought I was going to pee my pants. I literally laughed so hard that I cried. Here is just a little snippet of Kathy Griffin talking about Paula Abdul and American Idol. Freaking hilarious! If you ever get a chance to go see her live, GO!!!

Manic Monday - Wax

This week’s Manic Monday word is Wax. I wanted to post the scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. You know the one – where Steve Carell got his chest waxed. For real! That scene is freaking hilarious! Anyway, I couldn’t find it on YouTube. Grrr . . . YouTube failed me!

That got me thinking about my own waxing woes. Thank God I have never needed to have my chest waxed. Yowie! And I thought eyebrows were painful. I put off getting the eyebrows done as long as possible because even though my stylist thinks she’s being stealth (pulling the tape off on the count of 2 instead of 3), I am on to her! And it still f*cking hurts!

But let me tell you, nothing will ever be as painful as the Epilady. Does anyone remember that? It rips the hair out of your legs by the roots. Dude! Who EVER thought that was a good idea? I’m guessing it was invented by a man. I can’t fathom that a woman would inflict that kind of pain on another woman. Seriously.

Another thing I have never had done is the bikini wax. I’m sorry, but I would rather shave. There is no way it hell I am letting anyone down there with a strip of wax. When I was still doing Passion Parties, I had one group of ladies who was trying to convince me of the joys of laser hair removal. They all went in for so many laser hair removal treatments so the hair down there was permanently gone because there husbands just loved the no-hair look. Dude! If my husband preferred that my vajayjay looked like that of a pre-pubescent girl, I would have some serious concerns. Plus, if I am not letting anyone down there with a strip of wax, I sure as HELL am not letting anyone come near me with a freaking laser!! Are you kidding me?!

And what exactly is the joy of the no hair down there anyway. I’m sorry, but I have tried that, and sex with a hairless cooch HURTS! You need the hair for a little padding!

Okay, this train has become seriously off-track. I will shut the hell up now. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Manic Monday - Boil

We decided to take the kids to the zoo this weekend because it was Member’s Day, which meant free doughnuts! Holla! Plus, it wasn’t boiling hot. Unfortunately, it started pouring down rain while we were there. I think if I had to choose between boiling hot and pouring rain, I will choose rain. Less crowded.

Aside from the weather, we did have a good time. Eric got attacked by an army of really freaky looking spiders. Last time we were at the zoo, he was attacked by bats. He gets annoyed with me for laughing at his terror. I’m sorry, but it’s always fun to hear him scream like a girl!

Eli was chasing the peacocks, which was scaring the hell out of me. I just knew at any moment they were going to turn on him and start clawing. (At least that seems to be the reaction of our cats when Eli chases them.)

I kept taking pictures of signs. I can’t help it. Signs make me laugh. Does anyone else find it amusing that there’s a camel attendant? Maybe I’m just entertained easily.

We stayed at the zoo until Georgia’s temper started to boil over. She always gets to the point where she refuses to walk and has to be carried or she will scream. That’s about the time we head to the car. At least this time, she lasted longer than last time. Progress! I did get a great picture of Eric holding her. I think I may print it out and frame it:

Manic Monday - Big

This week’s Manic Monday word is big, and I think it’s just Morgen’s personal test to see if I can control my dirty mind and actually write about something clean. I think I can do it, although it’s going to be hard. Big and hard. (Stop that!)

I can just tell you about the big weekend we’ve had around here. I was invited to a jewelry party last night, and I told myself before I went that I was not going to spend a big amount of money. I was only going to buy two pairs of earrings, and that was it! Well, out came the alcohol. The hostess had one of those big buckets of slushy margaritas. Yum! She seemed to know how to market it. With the big bucket of margaritas and the big box of wine, everyone at the party ended up making some big purchases. I ended up getting four items (Bad Neila), but at least I had fun!

On Sunday, I woke up to find Eric shopping online for a big flat screen TV. We have a continuous argument about how big is too big. I think if we’re going to get a new TV, we need to get a big one. Eric doesn’t think a super big TV is necessary. Well, of course it’s not necessary! It’s a TV! Is that really even an argument? Since all the TV’s still seem to have big price tags, we are trying to comparison shop and get the best deal. Because once you buy a big TV, you need a new TV stand, and that leads to redecorating the family room, and then you’re just screwed. So we need to be frugal.

After that, we went to pick up pictures of the kids from my friend Nicole who is a photographer. You should check out her blog - she is uber-talented! Anyway, I ordered a 16x20, which was too big for her to mail. Honestly, it was a little bigger than I thought it was going to be, so I’m not quite sure where I’m going to hang a big ass poster size photo of my kids. But since they rarely take great photos together, I couldn’t resist getting it. It was just too perfect:

Manic Monday - Storm

I love this week’s Manic Monday word – Storm – because this was one I could think of a few things to write about. My mind always seems to go to music first, but I will save that for the end.
I LOVE storms! Mid-summer, late evening thunderstorms are just about the best thing! I have a friend who moved to Seattle who told me that it never thunders there! What?! It rains all the time there, but no thunderstorms?! Dude, that is just not right!

Unfortunately, the storms have recently been working against us. Last weekend when we went out of town, we checked the weather, and there was only a 10 % chance of storms. Uh-huh. That 10 % chance managed to rain on us for the entire 4-hour trip. We even stopped once on the turnpike to look at the radar, and it was raining nowhere else except all along the interstate. Imagine that.

Then, this weekend I have had a serious craving for grilling out on the deck. Two days in a row, it has been perfectly sunny until we are just getting ready to cook out. Then it rains. Last night, the sky just opened up and let out a torrential downpour complete with thunder and lightning right after Eric put hamburgers on the grill, so he had to snatch them up and finish cooking them inside.

I try to pay attention to the weather, but honestly, how much good does that usually do? Even with all of that, I still love thunderstorms, as long as we don’t lose power. That is not cool.

On to the music. I recently made a lullaby CD to play for Georgia when she goes to sleep. One of the songs on it is Over The Rainbow sung by Harry Connick, Jr. (lurve him!). He sings it with a full orchestra, and at the beginning, the orchestra sounds like a big storm is rumbling. I wish I could find a clip of that on YouTube, it is super cool. Anyway, I made a copy of the CD for my 4-year-old niece, and later found out that the storm scared the crap out of her. I guess I need to be a little more careful when making mix CDs for children.

One of my favorite songs is Stay With You by the Goo Goo Dolls. You all know I am a Goo slut, so it shouldn’t surprise you that this came to my mind. The chorus is:

“I’ll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
So take my hand now
We’ll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I’ll stay with you”

Fabulous song, freaking awesome video! See below.

Manic Monday - Lick

Sorry, I couldn’t resist! That is one of my favorite Johnny photos! I really think Morgen – our fearless Manic Monday leader – was testing us this week to find out how many Manic Monday Minions have a dirty mind. Come on! I know I’m not the only one! When I asked my husband to help me think of something clean to post for Lick, he paused, gave me a naughty smirk and said, “I really don’t think I’m the best person to ask.”

After much thought, I did finally think of something. Ice cream! We have been enjoying a lot of ice cream this summer because the kids both received coupons for their birthdays from Baskin Robbins and Cold Stone Creamery. (I drool at the thought of their cake batter ice cream.)

Eating ice cream with Georgia is always a challenge because she only licks one side of the cone. I have to be very sneaky about licking the other side of the cone before rivers of ice cream stream down Georgia’s arm. I discovered this weekend, when I bought her a snow cone at the zoo, that she licks snow cones exactly the same as she licks ice cream cones. Without nearly as much success.

Speaking of ice cream, I got very excited by Ben and Jerry’s lately when I heard they were coming out with a new limited edition:

This ice cream is only available in the scoop shops until July 25! I will be there tomorrow! Is it sad that I get this excited about ice cream?

Manic Monday - Bug

This week’s Manic Monday word is Bug! Yay, a Manic Monday word that doesn’t bug me when I try to think of something to write. (ba doom ching)

If any of you have little boys, you may be experiencing some of what I am going through this summer. My six-year-old LOVES bugs. Actually, it’s not just bugs – it’s pretty much anything that is alive and crawling . . . or flying for that matter. I have noticed that in the last few weeks, my mantra (which was previously “Look with your eyes not with your hands.”) has now become “All bugs stay outside!”

I think I am going to have to alter that mantra just a little bit because Eli is extremely literal. One afternoon I was working on my laptop while the kids were playing in the backyard. Eli comes in and shoves his hand in front of my face and says, “Mama! Look!”

He was holding one of the biggest freaking spiders I had ever seen about two centimeters from my face. Of course, I let out a blood-curdling scream so loud that I’m sure it was heard across town. I’m sorry, but the spider scared the crap out of me. Unfortunately, my screaming scared Eli so much that he jumped . . . and dropped the spider, which went scurrying under the coffee table.

NOT. COOL.

I seriously don’t do spiders! My first apartment in college was infested with daddy long legs. It was like living in Arachnophobia. I hated those damn things. And why is it that spiders like to achieve that element of surprise? They’re always popping up when you least expect it!

But, I digress. After Eli set a spider loose in the house, he said, “But Mama. You said that all BUGS have to stay outside. You didn’t say anything about spiders!” I informed him that included spiders. I said, “No bugs, spiders, roly polies, ladybugs, june bugs, fireflies, or anything that flies.”

So after that, guess what I found out last night? As Eli came in and shoved his hand under my face, saying, “Look Mama!” I realized that I forgot to say worms. *sigh*

Manic Monday - Stripe

This week’s Manic Monday word is Stripe. Gaaaa! I am having total writer’s block on this one. I have so many kid’s stories from the last week that I want to write about, but I cannot think of how to use the word stripe in one of them.

I asked my husband what he thought of when I said the word Stripe. He grinned really big and said, “Well, how about the new blue and green striped underwear you just bought,” and wiggled his eyebrows. *insert boom chica wow wow music here* Unfortunately, I don’t have a porn blog, so that idea won’t really work.

Then I thought of something much sweeter. When Eli was born, we painted his nursery in blue and white stripes. It was very time-consuming, but it looked awesome! I LOVED that room!! But that was in our old house, and it was before we had a digital camera, so I don’t have a good picture of it ready to post.

Eli gave me another idea when we had a cook-out this weekend. We barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs, and Eli refused to eat because he doesn’t like stripes on his hot dog!! He thought that gave him justification for eating nothing but chips and juice pouches the rest of the night.

The only thing I thought of myself was the movie Stripes from 1981, starring Bill Murray and P.J. Soles. You remember P.J. Soles – She played Linda the Totally girl from Halloween, and Riff Randall in Rock and Roll High School. Anyway, Stripes is still freaking hilarious! Here is a YouTube clip of one of my favorite scenes from the movie:

Manic Monday - Pride

This week's Manic Monday word is Pride. As a mom, who doesn't think of their kids as their Pride and Joy? Well, a couple of years ago when I was at a wedding, the bride's father came up to me and said, "Do you want to see a picture of my pride and joy?" I said sure, expecting to see a picture of the bride as a little girl. This is the picture he pulled out.


Okay, when you are really tipsy on wedding champagne, that is incredibly funny!

I got to thinking about my pride and joy today. If you're a mom, you think about your beautiful children with an extreme level of pride, and I know that all of us moms love our children more than anything in the world. Yet the second you take the little buggers out in public, they embarrass the hell out of you. Why is that?

My current favorite commercial is the Gerber commercial where the mom is at the park and shouts, "Big boys don't pull their pants down in public!" (You can see it here on Gerber's Web site. Just click on "The Park" commercial.) I shouted that just yesterday at Eli when he decided that he had to pee during Georgia's birthday party. About twenty guests were congregated in the back yard, and Eli apparently didn't want to miss any of the fun. So, he strolled over to the side of the yard, pulled is pants down around his ankles and let loose right there. *sigh* At least he had the sense to halfway conceal himself behind a bush.

That got me thinking about some funny youtube clips I've seen. It always makes me feel better when I see other kids throwing a fit because I know that mine aren't the only ones. Does that make me twisted?

Anyway, here is a great commercial, especially if you have a kid who has ever thrown a public tantrum. I'm not sure what country it is from, but it is absolutely hysterical. Just watch:

Here is another great one - a tactic I have not yet tried with Georgia. This mom is a true pro:




And finally, as a tribute to all of us moms, this is a brilliant take on Momsense by Anita Renfroe. If you have not seen this clip, it is a must must see. Absolutely hysterical!