Summer's Oldest Bridesmaid? - June 15, 2006

I warned you that I had many adventures this summer, not the least of which is the fun of being co-matrons of honor in my friend Heather's wedding. Yes, at age 34 - is that too old to be a bridesmaid? - I'm saddling up the bridesmaid dress and heading down the aisle. We are having a lot of fun with the planning. And luckily I get to offset that strapless dress (yes, strapless! - see photo) with a pair of tennis shoes. I do plan to wear a bolero jacket over the dress so you don't see my arms, thank God. I know that no one is happy with their arms, but I have that "bye bye" jiggle. You all know what I'm talking about - when your arm is still jiggling 30 minutes after you wave "bye bye." Not a pretty site, hence the bolero jacket. Plus, I just like to say the word bolero, so it's a win-win situation.

Today, we're working on shower invitations, and I really want to start it off with a love quote. My vote is for Jack Handy's "Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?"

What a great quote! However, I have found that a stressed-out-bride has a severely impaired humor level. Therefore, I should probably shut it with the inane quips before I get myself axed from the wedding.

I think it's healthy to look at everything as funny. Or, being a writer, I look at every situation as a possible story. It really adds a lot of levity to my daily routine. When my bridesmaid dress came in last week, I went out for a few drinks before I tried it on. BTW, TGI Friday's has great Long Island Iced Teas! After three of those, I didn't think I was looking too bad in a strapless dress. My husband quickly burst my bubble with his opinion, "I thought it would look better." I'm sorry, what?!

He said, "It looks better in the picture. I just thought it would look better on you. I'm not even sure I like the color." Oh no, he didn't! That's right, I turned into ghetto Neila in a heartbeat. As soon as I responded, "What the f*%! is that supposed to mean?!" he quickly back peddled, saying, "It's not you! It's the dress! You always look beautiful!"

After 12 years of marriage, you would think he would know that the "You look beautiful" part should be his first response! Luckily, my children seemed to love the dress. My son thought it was fun to hide underneath it while I had it on, and my daughter was pleased that there was plenty of fabric for her to grab in handfuls for better leverage while she climbed me.

Ugh! I plan to do my arm workout video now, and I think I may throw an ab workout in there too. Then, I'll try the dress on next week and see if it looks any better - after a couple of Long Island Iced Teas.