Friday, July 28, 2006

Blue's Clues and Sex Toys

When we wake up in the morning, my husband usually turns on the TV in the bedroom. This is his daily ploy to get us to open our eyes so we can finally climb out of bed. Today, the TV was still on Noggin from yesterday. For those of you without kids, Noggin is the modern day Nickelodeon. We have Noggin, Nick Jr., Disney and PBS. There's always something on for the preschool set.

Anyway, they were doing a special on Blue's Clues that had the tone of an E! True Hollywood Story or a VH1 Behind the Music. Now, I don't know about you, but I am a sucker for those shows. If I am channel surfing and come across a True Hollywood Story or a Biography, I get sucked in no matter who the subject may be. I spent one afternoon when Eli was a baby watching a True Hollywood Story on Darva Conger. It was not pretty.

When I saw the same type of show focusing on Blue and Steve, I was riveted. We both were. It seemed to focus mainly on the departure of Steve who was on the show for seven years. He finally decided it was time to go to college and make way for his brother Joe. There was such a huge controversy surrounding Steve's departure. Many people thought he died or that there was something sinister behind it. Personally, I was waiting for them to delve into his hidden heroin addiction until I remembered that this was not VH1. When they interviewed Steve, who looks much better these days with short-cropped hair and a bit of stubble (you go, Steve), the only reason he gave was that he refused to lose his hair on a children's television show.

Hmmm . . . I still think there's more behind it. But I guess I will have to wait for E! to expose his hidden bulimia or addiction to prescription pain killers.
And just for the record, I still think Steve's replacement Donovan Patton (aka Joe) is much hotter!! Take a look at this photo and tell me you don't agree!


Well kids, today's blog was originally going to be about our search for all things bachelorette. Then I realized that Heather reads this blog, so it would really ruin the surprise if I detailed what we bought at Priscilla's for her party. She's just lucky I stopped Amy from buying the penis cupcake tins because Amy really wanted to make penis cupcakes for the party. I finally convinced her that neither one of us had time to make cupcakes, and she seemed satisfied with that.

It's always fun to go to an adult store with Amy. She gets extremely fascinated, especially when she spots the back wall with all the bondage instruments. From clear across the store, she screams, "Oh my God, what's that?!" and heads off to the nipple clamps and vibrators. When she got to the bondage ropes, she looked at me and asked, "Do people really do this?" I just said, "Oh sister, you have no idea." And to her credit, she's always up for experimentation, and left the store with a new toy for herself as well as everything we picked up for Heather.

Not to be outdone, I had my friend Rebecca, who sells Passion party products, swing by the house with her big case of adult items so I could choose a couple of more things for Heather's gift bag. When I was little, my mom had Avon ladies coming by the house. Today, I have my own Passion consultant swinging by with her sex toys. Boy, how times have changed.

I was thrilled that she was having a two for one sale on massage oil, so I ended up getting some things for myself also. Unfortunately Rebecca showed up before Eric and Eli left for swimming lessons. I tried to keep everything under wraps because I wasn't planning for Rebecca to show up before they had left. I parked in the living room since the kids were in the family room, and hoped they wouldn't come in. But no, it wasn't two seconds before Georgia headed in, followed by Eli who immediately spotted some condoms. "What's that?" he asked. I just said, "That is a condom."

"What's a condom?" he asked. Eric looked extremely alarmed at this question and asked how I was going to explain that to a 4-year-old. I just looked at Eli and said, "A condom is what men wear on their penises when they have sex." He just blinked a couple of times and said, "Oh. Okay." And off he went. I looked at Eric and said, "You just tell him the truth."

Eric was giving me a look that said, "I can't believe you're looking at sex stuff in front of the children." Yes, the fact that Georgia kept reaching for Rebecca's vibrators was slightly disturbing. So, I quickly wrapped up and purchased a few items that ranked on the more tame side of the things she brought, and she headed off. Now I just have to wrap everything.

Oh, this is a weird blog. I can't believe I talked about Blue's Clues and sex toys in the same blog. So diverse is my life. Maybe I should make every Friday's blog about sex and motherhood. I wonder how many hits I would get then. Hmmmm . . . .


Hope Dangling said...

omgosh - I saw you leave a comment on petie angelise's site - she rocks - and clicked on you - this blog entry was awesome! It's funny how hot some of those kid's show's guys can be. And p.s. - I watched E! True Hollywood Story about Macauley Culkin today...just wanted to comment on your great entry and good luck at your party!

Teri said...

Ok, so this is true: I LOVED Steve on the original Blue's Clues! I thought he was funny and amazing. Truly one of the first smart, affable, gentle men I had ever seen representation of! I thought he was extremely attractive. Anyway, Joe did nothing for me. I was actually very, very sad that Steve had to "go to college" and assumed he was fired or was just replaced by the younger model! Btw, your blog comes up under the search "blues clues steve replacement". Now I have to go search out that Steve True Hollywood story! But, I also want you to know I tell my children the truth about sex, too, and it works out very nicely. Mainly because if you give them an honest, straightforward answer they can understand, they just digest it and rarely ask follow-up questions that make you uncomfortable. Children are cool like that! Anyway, I had fun reading your entry. Thanks!

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