Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Sorry, Wrong Number (7/8/06)

Good afternoon, everyone! And Happy Fourth Birthday to Eli! To reference a blog from earlier in the week, the name mispronunciation happened yet again! We went to Target this morning to pick up Eli's birthday cake. $20 was a small price to pay when I saw the joy on his face when he saw Bob the Builder and Muck on his cake! He's probably going to be on a sugar high until sometime on Monday. In our house, you get to do whatever you want on your birthday. That usually translates into food. So far, Eli has had a candy bar, then we went to Scooter's where he enjoyed a brownie pop and a chocolate milk, and then to Target to pick up his chocolate cake. You can definitely tell he's my son, can't you?!

But I digress. While we were at Target, I ordered the cupcakes for Eli's party next weekend, and I wrote on the order form myself, "Happy Birthday, Eli!" She looked confused since it's a construction/builder theme and said, "You want it to say, 'Happy Birthday Elly?'" Oh, sweet Jesus! "NO! It's Eli." She still looked confused. The woman is Russian, which is fine, but if you're going to work someplace that requires you to spell, you should make sure you're familiar with the English language. I wouldn't attempt to go to Russia and get a job in a bakery attempting to spell some Russian kid's name on a cake!

Anyway, I'm relying on sugar myself today so I can wake up a little bit. Georgia woke up about 4:00 this morning screaming like a banshee, so we were up until 6:00. I caught an infomercial on some exercise machine that looked like it was built for a contortionist. I was back in bed about 6:00, but the alarm went off at 6:30 because Eric wanted to get up early and get Eli's sandbox ready (his big birthday present) before he woke up. It took me 30 minutes to get Eric out of bed. Then, just when I dozed off again, he came in at 7:30 and woke me up to come and look at the sandbox. Grrrr! I think I muttered something unpleasant along with a couple of curses and went back to sleep for about 15 minutes until both kids woke up. *sigh*

After I posted my blog yesterday morning, I couldn't believe the number of hits I received. I think it was because the word "sexual" was in the title. I should try that every day! I also had some interesting run-ins with people yesterday. I still can't decide if I'm the one who's crazy or if it's just everyone else.

At Gymboree, there was a mom (we'll call her Jill) with her two kids. I hadn't seen her in a couple of weeks. First, I should explain that it's a Family Gymboree class, so it's open to kids who are mobile up to age 5. Occasionally, one particular family comes who has four children - I think they are all girls - who look to be 5, 4, 2, and under 1. Anyway, Jill came up to me and asked if that family had been there the last couple of weeks and I said no. She said that's the reason she hadn't come back. Apparently, she thought those kids were too wild. (I thought they acted normal for their ages.) She said she feared for her child's safety. Oh, Lord! I love these kinds of moms. They don't take their children to the park or a Gymboree class because they think some ax-wielding five-year-old is going to take them out? Come on!! I just smiled and nodded. I said, "Oh, I didn't think they were that bad." At that point, she pursed her lips and walked away. I'm sure she'll have fun going to another Gymboree class and talking about me.

On the way out of class, I was putting the kids in the car, which takes me a while. Before I buckle the kids in, I open the door and start the car so it can cool off. That's one of my irrational fears - that if I don't start the car first and turn on the AC, the kids will die of heat stroke in the time that it takes me to buckle them in and run around to the driver's side. Anyway, I had Georgia's door open, and was strapping her in, when some old woman, I'm guessing about 80 with bright pink lipstick, started trying to shove the door shut (with me standing between the door and the car), screaming, "Excuse me!" Apparently, she was trying to get into the gold Mercedes parked next to me. I said, "Hold on a minute." She kept shoving the door at me. I looked at her and said, "Lady, you're going to have to wait until I get my daughter strapped in!" Then, she put her hand on my door to make sure it wouldn't open all the way and touch her car. I just rolled my eyes. I wasn't that close to her car, but apparently she was scared I was going to bash it with my door, which I certainly wanted to at that point, but luckily I was exhibiting self-control.

Then, old woman got in her car when I went around to strap Eli in. He asked, "Who was that?" I responded, "Some annoying, impatient old woman." "Okay," he said. I'm sure he'll now be repeating that at pre-school. Yay.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly until the kids started playing with the phones. We have two cordless phones. Georgia just likes to press buttons willy-nilly, and Eli likes to pretend he's calling Bob the Builder and Wendy.

About 5:00 yesterday, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize, but I answered it because I thought it might be someone RSVPing to Heather's shower. When I answered the phone, a man said, "This is Joe Blevins," then nothing. I said, "Okie dokie." He said, "You just called me." I assured him that I did not call him, and then he proceeded to argue with me. I love it when people think I'm crazy, and apparently this freakshow thought I was a complete basketcase. He said if I didn't call him then someone from my number did. I started to say, "Sir, I can assure you that . . . " Then I caught site of Georgia with a huge grin on her face. Oh, crap! So, I just said, "The only people here are me and my two small children, so I don't know who would have called you." (That was somewhat true.) He finally hung up, and I put both phones where Georgia couldn't reach them.

Later in the evening, however, Eli got a hold of the phone and was attempting to call Bob and Wendy. He was holding the phone, and Eric was close enough to hear there was actually someone on the other end - a woman shouting, "Hello!" Oh, double crap! Eric kindly explained that his son was pressing buttons, yada, yada. Luckily, the lady was nice and didn't seem to mind that she apparently has the same phone number as Bob and Wendy.

Unfortunately, Eli is tall enough to reach anything, so we really have no place to hide the phone where he can't get it. So, if any of you see my number on caller ID and hear Eli asking to speak to Bob or Lofty, or hear a baby chewing on the phone, I hope you decide to find it adorable and don't report me as an obscene caller.

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