Things I learned from sleeping with my toddler

After the ordeal of the Fair, we traveled to Wellington to spend a couple of days with my parents. The kids were completely exhausted and cranky, so things did not start off well. Eli was so tired that he forgot to wake up in the night to go potty, and it has been awhile since my mom has had to deal with urine-soaked sheets.

My parents have tandem bedrooms in their house. This means you have to walk through one bedroom to get to another one. In this set-up, a screaming baby keeps everyone awake since all bedrooms are connected. Normally, I can let Georgia cry it out. When she gets really tired, she is beyond cranky. She will scream bloody murder and yell “MAMA!” until your ears bleed. It’s enough to break your heart, right? Not this cold-hearted bitch. When I’m tired, I can wait her out.

Unfortunately, my parents cannot. One whimper, and it’s “Oh! I heard Georgia! We better go get her!” Christ Almighty.

So, I put Georgia to bed first and barricaded the hall doors so no one could enter the bedroom area until she fell asleep. I practically had to brandish a weapon to keep the grandparents from making a beeline for the crying baby, but finally Georgia fell asleep. Eric and I were sleeping in the bed right next to the Pack and Play. We went to bed about 11:00. I actually fell asleep about 11:30. Georgia woke up at 12:00. Crap.

She saw me and started screaming. I could not let her cry and scream because she would have woken everyone up. Luckily (?!) we were the only two awake at that point. So, I had no choice but to bring her into bed with Eric and me.

And this is what I learned while sleeping with my toddler:

1. It is impossible to get to sleep with tiny feet periodically kicking you in the face.

2. I cannot get comfortable when a 15-month-old girl is sprawled out on top of me.

3. She can.

4. If you try to put her back in the Pack and Play, she will scream loud enough to wake everyone in the house.

5. There is not enough room in a queen-sized bed for two adults and a squirming baby.

6. This fact forced me to kick my husband out of bed and find other sleeping arrangements.

7. That did not make him happy.

8. It did make Georgia happy.

9. Three-fourths of a queen-sized bed is still not enough room for a toddler to get comfortable.

10. If you attempt to fall asleep while facing away from her, she will get pissed.

11. A toddler who has finally dozed off will pop wide awake when her grandmother walks into the room to see if she is okay.

12. This can also send a very tired mommy over the edge.

13. Amazingly, I can still function on very little sleep.

14. Georgia can’t. She’s napping.

15. She’s resting up for tonight.

16. Her father is sleeping with her tonight.

17. He doesn’t know that yet.

18. I’ll let you know how it goes.