13 Talents I Think I Possess

It’s already time for the Thursday 13. I promised to make it shorter this week, so I will try. Here are 13 talents I profess to have:

1. Supersonic Hearing – I can hear a cookie jar open or a bag of chips crinkling clear across the house. It really freaks Eli out when I scream, “No snacks before dinner!” I told him moms have eyes in the back of their heads and he just can’t see them because they’re covered by hair.

2. Loading the dishwasher – I can fit almost every dish in the kitchen into the dishwasher. Eric is constantly amazed how I do this. I will not run the dishwasher unless it is one sippy cup shy of bursting open. I refuse to waste water.

3. Infectious Laugh – My mom and my aunt cackle. I would like to believe I have an infectious laugh that always makes other people smile. (Note: some people may describe my laugh as loud. They’re wrong. It’s infectious!)

4. Amazing Pie Crust – I make the best pie crust in the world. If you tasted it, you would have a spontaneous orgasm.

5. Expert Multi-tasker – I can talk on the phone, change a diaper, watch Days of Our Lives and play Candyland with Eli at the same time and on only three hours of sleep.

6. Great Car Singer – I cannot sing, except while in my car. Just ask the people next to me at a stoplight. If I could audition while singing along to Christina Aguilera in my car, I would be the next American Idol.

7. Terrific Bedtime Story Reader – I am awesome at reading bedtime stories. I even do voices. You should hear my version of Click Clack Moo.

8. Internal Homing Device – I can locate anything in my house no matter how messy it is. Again Eric is amazed when he asks where are Eli’s shoes? Under the ottoman. Where is the grocery list? On my desk under three CDs, a box of crayons and Good Night Moon.

9. Tie a cherry stem with my tongue. – I truly believe everyone has a bar trick. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue in under 12 seconds. The more I have to drink, the faster I can do it.

10. Do the Splits – I can do the splits. This may not be that special, but I think it’s impressive when anyone does the splits, particularly me.

11. Stroller in my car – I can fit Georgia’s stoller in the trunk of my car without collapsing it down. It’s a simple task, but it saves time, which is very important on a hot summer day in a mall parking lot with two fussy children.

12. I can get crayon off anything! – It takes a special blend of cleaners and some elbow grease, but I have managed to get crayon out of carpet, walls, doors, hardwood floors and my husband’s pants.

13. Making Lists - I am fabulous at making lists! I have several - color-coded and organized in many different categories. Everything in my head goes on a list so I don't forget it. Ironically, today's list included "Buy more notepads."