Friday, September 01, 2006

Celebrity Duets

I was making cookies last night, because I often get the unnecessary urge to bake, as Eric was flipping channels. I was making the most heavenly sugar cookies complete with wedding cake frosting (I call them my wedding cake cookies), when Eric stopped on a channel that had Cheech Marin singing with Randy Travis.

“What on God’s green earth is this?” I asked. “Oh!” he shouted excitedly, “This is that Celebrity Duets show.” I just rolled my eyes and asked, “It’s on FOX, isn’t it?” “Well of course it is!” said Eric.

I have to admit, of the FOX shows, I either love them or hate them. I wait for Prison Break each week with bated breath. I LOVE that show! But FOX is also the home of Temptation Island, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire, and most recently, So You Think You Can Dance. One look at Cheech warbling out some country ballad, and I think I knew which direction this show was about to take.

But it got better. When he was done singing, it was time to turn to the three judges in the American Idol-style judging that every show seems to have now. The camera went to the first judge – Marie Osmond. That alone made me laugh so hard I just about spit out the water I was drinking. First, she had so much Botox that her face wouldn’t move if you slapped her. She looked like one of those freaky dolls she sells (see photo). Second, she looked like she was drunk. Or high. Didn’t she have some mental issues not too long ago? Eric and I both made our appropriate “Ohmygod, look at her” comments, when the camera flashed to the second judge – Little Richard. I’m really not kidding.

When I saw him, it was a mixture of laughter and fear. He has obviously had more work done than Marie Osmond and his plastic surgeon wasn’t as skilled. Plus, he looked like he was on more drugs than Marie. “Woooooooo!”

Not often do you have a show that is so incredibly bad, it is entertaining! When Lucy Lawless came out to sing with Michael Bolton, I knew we hit pay dirt. Not that I don’t have Michael Bolton CDs somewhere in my late eighties/early nineties collection, but come on. And didn’t Lucy Lawless used to be a strong buff female? Now, she’s all blonde and anorexic. What the hell happened?

Little Richard
It was at this point, that we decided Little Richard was so high that he couldn’t form a rational thought. His “critiques” of the “singers” consisted of him repeating the words to the songs. For example, “When a man loves a woman? I love you, Lucy Lawless!”

Next up was Hal Sparks, whom I love, singing “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” with Gladys Knight. Again, I’m really not making this up. I can’t believe Hal Sparks went from Queer as Folk, which was one of my favorite shows to watch after the kids went to bed, to this! What happened to my gays?!!!!

Anyway, Marie didn’t even critique this song, she just turned to the audience and said, “Isn’t this a great show?!” Woo-hoo from the audience. Apparently, Marie was drunker than Little Richard. His critique? “Oh, I heard it through the grapevine.” The audience clapped. What the f*ck?!

Amazingly, this went on for two hours! I was busy making cookies and getting kids ready for bed, so I can maintain that I didn’t actually watch it. I just listened as somebody sang “Say My Name,” and Little Richard critiqued, “Oh, I’ll say your name!” Woo-hoo from the audience. They must be drunk, too.

Anyway, dear readers, you have to check this show out. It is so bad, I was fully expecting robot heads to pop up in front of the screen and start making sarcastic comments (ala MST3K). But luckily, I had my husband for that! Talk about thoroughly entertaining television!


Jenny said...

Bwahahaha! I love that shit. I'm so going to watch that.

Penny said...

Not another one of those shows! Aggh! Lord helps us! Those shows just get worse every time a new one comes on. It does sound like it was hilarious though! What happened to the good ole days of make believe tv? I mean I like a good bit of fiction just to escape the reality sometimes!