Pillow boobs

I went in to wake Eli up the other morning, since he parties all night and sleeps all day. I’m really not kidding. He woke Eric up one night because he was talking so loud. We’re not quite sure who he was talking to. Either he has imaginary friends or the house is haunted. At 3:00 a.m., it didn’t seem important enough for me to go see.

I’m trying to get Eli back on schedule since pre-school starts this week. It is very difficult to get him out of bed at any time, especially when he has been up half the night. I went in to try and rouse him, and I lied down next to him in bed.

He burrowed into my chest as he always does without opening his eyes. I think I have mentioned the challenge gravity has had on my boobs since I breastfed two children. I know all of you moms out there can relate. When I went in to wake up Eli, I was still in my nightgown, and had not yet attempted to fold up my breasts and stuff them into my bra, so Eli was content to burrow.

I tried to get him up, telling him all the fun things we were planning to do that day. I got no response, so then I just started poking him. Nothing. He was still 90 percent asleep. I started to get up so I could get myself dressed when Eli latched onto my left breast with both hands and screamed, “No mommy! Leave it!”

Confused, I asked, “Leave what?”

He responded, “Leave the pillow!” as he desperately tugged on my boob. “Don’t take it away!”

How sweet. My son things my big saggy boobs are pillows. This offered me my first true laugh of the day and a mental note to bank any money I make on my blog into an account for a breast reduction and lift.

I just responded, “Honey, that’s not a pillow. That’s mommy.” Finally he opened his eyes. He looked very confused and gave his father’s characteristic “Huh!” before rolling over.