2. When I tell my daughter to be sure and wipe after she goes potty, I really need to specify that she do it with toilet paper and not the kitchen towel.
3. After four years of using a flashlight when I went up in the attic, my husband today informed me that there was a light in the attic. It took him four freaking years to tell me that.
4. Don’t leave a library book sitting on the same desk as a pen. At least don’t do it when you have a 3-year-old in the house.
5. When you lose the library’s copy of the Meet Blue’s Baby Brother, you have to pay them $16.99.
6. A 16-count box of crayons is damn near impossible to find. I’ve decided that teachers are f*cking with us when they make the supply lists.
7. My husband sending me to the store to buy any garage item is the same as me sending him to the store to buy maxi pads. It shouldn’t be done.
8. When PMSing, I can justify eating a tub of cookie dough.
9. Eli and I had a long conversation about how the toothfairy knows she has a tooth to pick up. We decided she is either notified by email or she has a watch that beeps.
10. I’m looking for business attire to wear on my New York trip next month, and I realized that things have changed a little bit in the last six years (the last time I needed business attire).
11. I discovered that it doesn't matter if you haven't seen someone for two years - they're still going to invite you to their Mary Kay party.
12. I have realized that the more my daughter’s little attitude increases, the more I start channeling my mother. I can’t tell you how many times I have recently said, “Watch your tone, young lady!”
13. If promised sexual favors, my husband can put up an entire wallpaper boarder in one hour.