Friday, January 26, 2007

The Vacuum Saga

Am I completely twisted that sometimes (and I stress sometimes) I actually get a kick out of listening to my children argue with each other? As I am writing this, Eli is watching a DVD is his room. It happens to be Dora. Georgia LOVES Dora more than life itself, so she wants to stay in his room and watch it with him. God forbid, Eli’s little sister should set foot in his bedroom. Chaos ensued.

Now, Georgia (who is very good at getting even for a 1 1/2 year-old) is grabbing things that belong to him and running out of his room. This causes him to chase her screaming, “NO, GEORGIA! THAT’S MINE!!!” I actually just heard him utter the phrase, “Unhand that DVD!” He’s four! That is classic!

And doesn’t a mom deserve to be entertained after a tough day of child-rearing. Today, I was simply planning to vacuum – not a difficult task, you would think. Not difficult, that is, if you have a vacuum that freaking works. We have some sort of a Bissell Powerfuck vacuum cleaner that drives me crazy more than it actually picks things up off of my floor. Sometimes I think I could crawl around on my carpet with a pair of tweezers and collect more effing dirt than this damn thing.

I have been hounding my husband for at least two months about getting a new vacuum cleaner. The problem is that I don’t want to spend $100 and get another cheap-ass Dirt Hoover Devil Riding thing that doesn’t work. The vacuum I want is $600. My husband doesn’t want to spend $600 that we don’t have on a new vacuum cleaner. That is because he doesn’t do the freaking vacuuming.

Last week when I vacuumed, the roller didn’t work. Of course, I didn’t realize that until I had sprinkled Carpet Fresh all over the floor and then turned the thing on. This caused me to call my husband in a fit of rage screaming about our vacuum. Again. I had to wait until he got home - because I am not even going to attempt to take the damn thing apart – to unscrew about 50 parts of the vacuum and put the belt back on.

Today, I sprinkled Carpet Fresh all over the floor, got out the vacuum, and turned it on. No roller, no suction. Mother F*ck! And just for the record, shouting obscenities at the vacuum, shaking it, and banging it up and down on the floor don’t do a damn thing to fix it. So I called my husband in a fit of rage. Again.

Do you know what he actually said? Are you ready? He said, “Why don’t you turn on the vacuum to make sure it works before you sprinkle Carpet Fresh?”

I’m sorry. What?! Maybe because that shouldn’t be my first thought! My first thought is that we should have a vacuum cleaner that actually works. *seething* Sometimes he is so lucky that I cannot bitch slap him over the phone.

Then, I took the kids and went to Target to look at vacuums. They had an array of vacuums in the $500-$600 range, and an array of vacuums in the $50-$75 range that looked like they didn’t possess enough power to sweep my kitchen floor.

So, I am now sitting here, vacuumless, with Carpet Fresh all over the floor, listening to my children fight, waiting for my husband to get home so we can have a talk. A talk that better end with me getting a f*cking Dyson.

18 comments:

Hulai said...

Yeah im in your boat, with the new dog, Im gonna have to have a better vaccuum. I havent had him a week and I had to dump the dust thing 4 times before I was done vaccuuming the living room, hall and dining room!

Aaron said...

dyson rocks, we love ours!

Desert Songbird said...

I love my Oreck. That sucker will...well, suck up anything! It's pricey, but sooooooo worth it.

Oh, and that snarky comment from hubz about checking the vacuum first before putting down the Carpet Fresh? Ask him if he flushes the toilet first before pissing to make sure it works.

cordie said...

Hey ya just browsing blogs again. "Unhand that dvd" that is a classic line and for a four year old wow *claps*. I hope you get your dyson... 'cus I know what it is like when you have to keep on talking to a man to make him do something lol. anyway nice reading your blog. *waves*

Stacey said...

Okay, this is RIGHT up my alley. We recently got a new vaccuum. I wanted the dyson and he wanted to spend less, of course. We have now purchased 4 vaccuums in the last five years. AND to top it all off, we have had this 'new' one less than 6 months and he actually takes the thing apart to clean it, so that it will work. I am so tired of this. We have 4 pets and 1 child soon to be two. We NEED a better vaccuum. It is NOT a want, but a NEED. You go girl.

DYSON, You are next on my list for sure!

Morgen said...

Perhaps if the snowman outside is vacuuming the lawn with the old vacuum when he gets home tonight...
maybe mother nature should have checked to see if the vacuum worked before it snowed!

Unhand that DVD! Classic Eli!

Jennifer said...

Kohl's is having a super Saturday sale tomorrow with additional 10% off vacuums (vacuums already 10-50% off). I checked the web and they have Dysons (plus $0.99 shipping). The sale is good instore until 1pm and online until 4pm. Good luck!

Sparky Duck said...

now I am not doing this to take your husbands side, I swear, but I have heard that Dyson's are overrated. We got a Bissell for about 250 after the wedding and it works too good sometime for Mrs Duck, dragging her all over the house.

csmc said...

You could tell hubby that it's always worth investing if you are just going to have to spend the money anyways replacing shoddy versions... Always better to go for the good stuff. ;)

SQT said...

Oooh, I'd love to have a Dyson.

Blonde Chick said...

I'm with ya on this one... I want the Dyson, and I want a damn ROOMBA !

Julie said...

csmc has a good point. Add up all the money you've wasted so far on crappy vacuums to prove your point. And stress how it's an investment in your family's health (less dust = less allergies).

Enthral said...

LMAO. This sounds like a day in my house. I too am having arguments with my DH about getting a new vacuum....or not. Its 15 years old. IT NEEDS TO GO.

maggie said...

Did you have your talk. Getting a dyson? I love my roomba.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Oh my God! I am so glad I just clicked to this!

I was trying to hoover today with a 10 quid vaccum from Tesco, but I ended up dripping so much sweat over the floor struggling with the damn thing that the carpet is now growing mould.

It's nice to see problems like this don't go away

crazymumma said...

Hope you get what you need.....

Ok so its not Wentworth showing up on your doorstep with a raging woody to vacuum your floor. But I hope you get your Dyson!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

the bissell powerfuck??? honey now that is funny i don't care who you are.... smiles, bee

Fantastic Five said...

we went through the same thing- and we ended up with a Miele, I think it's much better and much quiter than a Dyson.

I agree the amount that one spends on every couple of years on a disposable vacuum, you could get a really good vacuum like a Dyson or a Miele Callisto.

Good luck on your search.