Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Dude Sounds Like A Lady

Or rather Lady Sounds Like a Dude, but that wasn’t nearly as catchy. What the hell am I talking about? My voice. My voice is completely gone. I blame my best friend, Stacey. She gave me mono in college. Ever since then, I lose my voice when I get the slightest hint of a cold. I have no idea why.

Last week, as soon as I got a runny nose, the voice started to go. WTF?! I didn’t even have a freaking cough. Since then, it has gotten progressively worse. On Friday, I just sounded like a guy. On Saturday, it held out for my Passion Party, but that was pretty much the kicker. By Sunday, it was completely gone.

Today, it’s starting to come back. Kind of. But, I am just trying desperately not to let this affect my daily life. Eric calls it my phone sex voice, which, by the way, he thought really set the mood for my Passion Party. But today, I finally got to the point where I can not talk to one more person. Mainly because I cannot handle one more person telling me how terrible I sound. Jeez, can’t people just politely ignore the fact that I sound like Kathleen Turner with a severe hangover?

Everyone I have come into contact with today has started off with, “Oh my God! You sound horrible.” My mom talked to me on the phone for 30 minutes today about how I needed to see a doctor. Then, there’s Eli. He asks me a question, and after I utter one frog-like word, he says, “What?!” He sounds like a lawn mower. “What what what what what what.” Ugh.

Then I made the mistake of taking the children to the grocery store. I really didn’t think that one all the way through. It’s not a good idea to take Georgia to the store when I have no voice. It renders me unable to sing when she starts throwing a fit. I got out of there quickly.

Now my sinuses hurt and whatever evil cold virus I have seems to have gotten into my eye. Yippee. Pink eye. Now, I even look like I have a hangover. At least it goes with the voice. I am going to go make blueberry tea now. With honey.


Morgen said...

I know it sounds vile, but it works: equal parts burbon & hot water & apple cider vinegar, with a teaspoon of honey. Drink as hot as you can stand it. It really does work.
And hey, with the burbon, who the hell cares if you can talk afterwards or not?
I've substituted lemon juice for the burbon before, and it works just about as well. Actually, I think it's the apple cider vinegar that clears out your throat.

I'm laughing about sounding like Kathleen Turner with a hangover....

oops, here's Jaz, wanting some love,
gotta go.
thanks for the kind e-mail last night, I appreciate it.
I'm doing better today, so save your voice and just send me a peppy e-mail once the burbon kicks in!

love ya,

Sparky Duck said...

of course my sick mind wondered how friendly you and Stacey were in college to have gotten mono from her. But Morgen's suggestion does work, and apparently Cider Vinegar is some sick elixir

Peanut said...

you've got it lucky. every year, like clockwork, I get strep throat. really bad. so bad that I can't even eat pudding or jell-o. I got 3 mild cases this winter, already.

Desert Songbird said...

I can empathize on the frog thing - I'm a singer, and I get this condition every winter. Ugh.

I'll have to try Mo's remedy.