Trick or treat?

Thank the freaking Lord Halloween is over! I now need a couple of weeks to relax before the real scary holidays start.

Eli seemed well-rested and in a much better mood on Halloween morning. The kids got to wear their Halloween costumes to preschool, and he was very excited about that. His Sportacus costume has a button on the chest. When you push it, it will say something like, “There’s trouble in Lazytown!” or “Help is on the way!” complete with Icelandic accent. I didn’t realize there was a switch on the back of the little crystal that would cause it to play music . . . continuously. Eli discovered that this morning. Right as we were walking into preschool.

How many moms get to walk down the hall with their own theme music. Oh yeah! That wasn’t embarrassing at all! Eli was excited because they got to “trick-or-treat” at school. This meant I got to look forward to him bouncing off the walls when he got home. Fabulous.

Eli’s teachers looked adorable. They’re these little grandmotherly women, and one was dressed like a giant pumpkin, and one like a clown. It was cute. On my way out, I passed the preschool director, Miss Nicky. I had to do a double take when I saw her. I think she was supposed to be dressed as a flapper. But when I first saw her, I thought, “Why is Miss Nicky dressed like a whore?” She had on a very short skirt with fringy things complete with fishnet stockings and high heels. WTF?! Are you freaking kidding me? Apparently, the preschool director thinks she’s running a brothel.

After we dropped off Eli, Georgia and I ran some errands, including a stop at Scooter’s in which I heard the Scooter’s girl exclaim how she was extremely hormonal. Without thinking, I asked if she was pregnant, and then remembered she is a raging lesbian. I try to stick my foot in my mouth on a daily basis. At least I got it out of the way early. She gave me a very odd look. “Uhhhh . . . no.” My day was off to a groovy start.

After a Target run, I came home, and even with my sinus infection, I could smell Georgia’s diaper. I remember the worst poopy diaper I had ever changed (as I’m sure many of you parents do). It was right after Eli started solid foods, and we fed him spaghetti. Not pretty.

Well, I had one today that topped that. Last night, we had chili for dinner. Oh, sweet Lord in heaven, Georgia did not process that well. After changing that diaper, I don’t think I will ever be able to eat chili again. And I don’t even have my complete sense of smell intact. Eric should be thankful he wasn’t around for that one.

After a long day, I decided to take my reward. Eric bought Nestle crunch to hand out to the trick-or-treaters. He also brought fruit chews home from work. I made the executive decision to hand out the fruit chews and keep the chocolate for myself. Because dammit, I needed the chocolate more than the trick-or-treaters.