13 Reasons My Daughter Won't Nap

This week’s Thursday Thirteen was inspired by this afternoon’s events. I tried for two hours to get my daughter down for a nap. Nine of these thirteen happened today!

1. My cat – Maybe it’s because he’s part Siamese, but my cat has this incessant meow. It doesn’t even sound like a meow. It sounds like a loud low-pitched moan. He does it for no other reason than to piss me off. He had food and water, so there was no other reason for him to sit outside Georgia’s room and meow other than his apparent death wish.

2. My neighbor – My neighbor decided to mow his freaking lawn right after I put Georgia down. It’s November for crissake! Who the hell mows their lawn in November?!

3. Tornado siren – Every week, the city decides to test the tornado siren. Again, it’s November!!!! We are well past tornado season. Anyway, they’re supposed to test it at the same time every week. They don’t. They specifically wait just until my daughter has dozed off. The bastards.

4. Eli – For a skinny boy, my son sounds like a herd of elephants running down the hall. As soon as Georgia starts to doze, he bounds past her room to the bathroom right across the hall and slams the door. Georgia’s screaming ensues.

5. Telephone – I am going to rip that damn thing out of the wall. It’s not like it just rings once during her naptime. It rings off the damn hook.

6. UPS Man – Between Passion Parties and Discovery Toys, he comes often. Does he have to beat on the f*cking door every time he leaves a package. That is not necessary. Eventually I will notice there is a box on my doorstep.

7. Poop – Invariably Georgia waits until I put her down for her nap to poop. Then she cries until I come to change her. *sigh* The children are trying to gaslight me.

8. Batteries – Of all the damn things that could go wrong, the batteries in Georgia’s music attached to her crib went out. She was extremely pissed off when she pushed that little button and nothing happened.

9. Pacifier – I clip the damn thing to her shirt, and she still manages to lose it. I have decided that she rips it off and throws it out of the crib the second I leave her room just so I will come back in.

10. Kids playing outside – It amazes me how much noise small children can make outside. I felt like taking out the little punks with a bibi gun.

11. TV – This really goes under the Eli category. I always try to sit him in front of the TV when Georgia naps in hopes of keeping him quiet. Unfortunately he feels the need to turn up the TV and sing and dance (jump) when a good song comes on Noggin. Grrrrr . . .

12. Teeth – Two more molars popped through this week. My life would be much easier if Georgia would let me give her Tylenol. But no. She would rather stand in her crib, cry and chew on her fingers.

13. Me – By the time the child did fall asleep today, I had to turn around and wake her up because we had to leave for an appointment. Yes, I tried for two hours to get her down and then woke her up after an hour and a half. I’m sure she does not appreciate mommy’s cruel joke.

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