13 Things About My Week

Okay, I started Christmas shopping this week. I am in the minority of women because I hate to shop. You will find that many of this week's 13 deal with how much I despise the freakishly large commercialized hellhole where most people do their shopping The Mall.

1. I hate the Mall with an ever-growing passion. There is a wig kiosk in the mall, which in and of itself is strange. What is even weirder is that the small Asian woman who works at the wig kiosk runs out into the mall to try to get you to buy “hair.” My husband thought I was insane when he asked how my trip to the mall was and I responded, “I was accosted by a short Asian woman who tried to sell me hair.” Seriously!

2. My son Eli has decided he wants a juicer for Christmas. I don’t even know how he knows what a juicer is. I think he learned it from LazyTown. When we asked if we wanted us to add “juicer” to his Christmas list, he said, “Well, I don’t want to ask for too much.” Sometimes my son is so sweet that it makes my heart hurt.

3. I love pie. I made three pies for Thanksgiving. There was about half of each pie leftover. It took my husband, myself and my son two days flat to finish off all three pies. Apparently, they also love pie.

4. I hate the Mall. Wait. Did I say that already? It makes me claustrophobic. It takes up an exorbitantly large number of city blocks, yet I feel claustrophobic when I’m inside. Maybe it’s all the people, or the fact that I’m not near an exit in case of a fire. Whatever it is makes me break out into a cold sweat if I’m in the damn place for more than 20 minutes.

5. My daughter was an 80’s groupie in a past life. That is the only excuse I can think of. You all know her love of Asia. This week, she demonstrated her headbanging (I’m not kidding – genuine headbanging while in her carseat) to “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard. I have never seen anything like it.

6. The great escape. When I had my daughter in the mall, I discovered she can escape her stroller in 4 seconds flat. I was paying for underwear coffee while pushing the stroller back and forth to keep her entertained. All of a sudden, the stroller was lighter. I looked down, and she was across the store! Apparently, she wiggles her legs out of the restraint and slides out the bottom of the stroller. My kids are too damn smart.

7. I don’t like Winter. I always think I can deal with it as long as there is not ice and snow. Well, yesterday was the first day it got cold. The weather forecast said “maybe” some sleet. At 2:00, I looked out my window. There was sleet. And snow. And about an hour later, freezing rain. I hate Winter.

8. McDreamy. Okay, first of all, the mall near my house is not stroller friendly. There are stairs (2-3 steps going up or down) every few feet in the mall). If you have a stroller or wheelchair, you have to zigzag up and down ramps. It’s very annoying. Yesterday, I was strolling along, and all of a sudden came upon a store that had a larger than life poster of McDreamy in their window. I couldn’t help but stare. Unfortunately, I kept moving. I almost strolled my daughter down a flight of stairs! Are these people trying to kill me?!

9. Eli has a girlfriend. After shopping, I went to pick my son up from preschool. Eli has apparently developed a relationship with a 3-year-old named Savannah. She’s a thumb-sucker. He actually kissed her on the shoulder when we left!!! I am totally not ready for this yet.

10. Sonic cheesecake bites – This was my reward for surviving the mall. These are the best damn things I have ever tasted in my life. They come complete with a strawberry dipping sauce. I know I use the word orgasmic a lot, but there’s really no other way to describe these!

11. I discovered a new show. It was on the other night after Charlie Brown Christmas. It’s called Big Day. The entire season is the couple’s wedding day. It was freaking hysterical. Anyone who has ever planned a wedding will truly appreciate this show!

12. Silky Sheets – This is my favorite Passion product. Besides getting rid of that pesky wet spot, it absorbs odors. I sprayed it in the cat box area yesterday before the furnace guy came. It completely took away the cat odor! No litter box smell after I sprayed it. I am ordering a case of this stuff!!

13. Mysterious stains– Whenever my husband does laundry, at least one item of my clothing comes back to me with a mysterious stain on it. I've lost four damn shirts this way. Yesterday's sweater had a bright orange stain, and today, my shirt had a big hot pink splotch on the back. What the hell?!

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Online Shopping

Did anyone catch the Growing Pains marathon this weekend? I still have the theme song stuck in my head. “As long as we’ve got each other, we’ve got the world spinning right in our hand . . .” Oh hell. You can just listen to it here.

Sorry if I'm overdoing the videos lately. YouTube is fun. And addictive.

Well, here we are less than a month away from Christmas, and I really need to get started on my shopping. Passion Parties has thrown a wrench into my plans. I have been so busy with it, I have spaced out on Christmas shopping. The children are almost done, but I have only purchased one thing for Eric. If I don’t hurry up, his mom and my mom are going to buy him everything on his list, and then I will really be screwed.

My mom informed me that she is going to try to do all of her shopping online this year. This is the same woman who told me she had Google on her computer, and she wanted to know if I had Google on my computer too. Yes, really. I’m not kidding. What’s even worse is that my mom reads this blog, and she totally will not get why that is funny.

I tried to give her a brief rundown on how to place an order on Amazon, which I think is very user-friendly. Too user-friendly if you ask me, especially since they remember my damn credit card number. It doesn’t really feel like I’m spending money when I don’t even have to type in my credit card number. That always comes back to bite me in the ass come January.

Anyway, after a brief lesson, I told my mom that maybe it would be easier if she just bought gift certificates. We’ll see how that goes. Personally, I love online shopping. I am not big on dealing with people in a retail setting, and this saves me a lot of hassle. Originally, I wanted to get everyone Passion products. We have some kick-ass lotion and bath gel, but that idea makes Eric very nervous. I don’t know if he’s afraid I’m accidentally going to send a vibrator to his 96-year-old grandmother, but he just didn’t seem down with the whole Passion gift-giving.

Uh-oh. If that’s the case, he better not look in his stocking.

Prison Break - The Killing Box

Okay, who saw Prison Break last night?

Dude! I totally did. not. see. that. coming! Kellerman is now my new best friend. I think I may even be able to get over the fact that he tortured Sara. Although I can't imagine she's going to be very pleased when Michael and Lincoln show up with the man who just tried to drown her in a bathtub.

Anyway, in case you missed it, this is how last night's episode ended for their fall finale. Major spoilers if you haven't seen it yet.

No new eps until January 22. That's two freaking months! What am I going to do?!! This may actually be my last chance of the year to post a shameless sexy pic of Wentworth Miller!

Our Choice in Movies

Sometimes I don’t know what is wrong with me. I love good movies. I love old movies. I love scary movies. I love movies with subtitles. I have a very eclectic taste. But, do you ever find yourself in front of the TV with nothing on? I truly wonder about myself sometimes considering what I actually end up watching.

The other night, I was in this predicament, and I flipped to Starz, which was showing When a Stranger Calls (the new one). I actually saw this at the theatre. It was one of those scary movies that was funny. Plus, I saw it with Stacey and Andrea, and it’s hilarious to grab Stacey’s leg at an appropriate part in the movie just to hear her scream. Muwahahaha.

Anyway, I watched it again, this time complete with Eric, who is an enjoyable sidekick when watching a bad movie. Has anyone seen When A Stranger Calls? Because let me tell you, the first thing I would do if I knew someone was outside the house watching me, is disarm the security system and go outside! Come on!! Also, if there was a series of babysitter murders going on about 125 miles away, you would think the police would take the girl a little more seriously when she called and said someone was making threatening phone calls. Jeez!

But, I digress. It gets worse. When that was over, both kids were in bed and neither Eric nor I had the energy to get up and locate the remote. Deuce Bigalow, European Gigalo came on. Are you ready for the bad part? We watched the entire thing. Given, I think it was only an hour and a half long, but still. What’s worse is we made man whore jokes for about the next 24 hours. You all know how much I love the word whore. Man whore just takes it to a whole new level.

*sigh* I think I’m in desperate need of a good movie. I just hope they don’t make a Deuce Bigalow part 3, because I know I would end up seeing it. I just wouldn’t be able to help myself.

I am very excited for next summer’s Spiderman. Is Eli too young for that? He’s seen bits and pieces of the first one, but this one looks a little dark. I will have to see what rating it gets. But who am I kidding, even if it’s rated R, Spiderman will still be on Happy Meals and lunch boxes.

The Saddle Ranch

Today, we took the kids out to the Legends to have lunch at the Saddle Ranch. Yes, we took our children to a bar. Don’t judge me. (Sidenote: If you visit their site, you will find out the newest 80’s song Georgia likes to rock to. She must have been an 80's groupie in a past life.)

Anyway, it’s one of only three in the country, and it is very interesting. To start off, they had a big fire pit outside where you can roast your own marshmallows for smores. Next, they have a mechanical bull in the center of the restaurant. Eli thought that was pretty cool. One guy rode the bull while we were there, and Eli’s eyes lit up at that. Of course, then came what I expected.

“Mama!!” (I’ve recently become Mama instead of Mommy *sniff sniff*) “Mama!! I want to ride the bull!” I tried to explain to him that they didn’t let little kids ride the bull. Unfortunately, Eli’s logic is to just say the opposite of everything I say. This makes it very difficult to argue. His response to me – “Yes they do!”

Eric distracted him by taking him over to the pool table, which he also found really cool. I should probably be slightly concerned at this point that my son seems to be more entertained by mechanical bulls and pool tables in a bar than he has with anything else in a long time. Hmmmm . . .

Anyway, when the food came, my mouth about dropped open. I ordered a sandwich with mashed potatoes. It came on a plate about half the size of our table. My sandwich seemed normal size, but there was a mound of garlic mashed potatoes on my plate that was as big as my head. I’m really not exaggerating. There were more potatoes on my plate than I had made for 8 people for Thanksgiving dinner.

I looked around. Eric’s dad ordered a sandwich with a side of sweet potatoes. The sweet potatoes were served in a skillet and they looked like they were enough to feed a small country. Eric and his mom got Waffles. I think they each had about 10. Needless to say, this place does not skimp on portions.

I’m going to have to go back sometime with my friends and see if there drink portions are as large as their food portions. Maybe after a couple of Saddle Ranch-sized beers, I could work up the courage to ride the mechanical bull. Now that would be a photo for the blog!

Hits and Misses

Well, out of all the new recipes I tried this year, the winner was Manchego Mashed Potatoes. Did anyone else tried those? Super yummy!! Other than that, I think I had some misses. That’s what I get for mixing things up. I really liked the Pumpkin Muffin Stuffin. Unfortunately, my dad refused to even try it. I thought I was doing good keeping him in the dark and not telling him what was in it. It didn’t occur to me that he read the recipe on my blog the day before. (insert head slap)

Oh well. It was something different. That’s the main comment I got from everyone else at the table. “Welllll, it’s different.” Uh huh.

Now, the chocolate pecan pie was Yum-O in my opinion. Unfortunately, that didn’t go over with anyone else either!!! I know! Can you believe that?! That one got comments like “too rich” or “too chocolatey.” Please! As if there is such a thing as too chocolatey! These people must be on crack.

All in all, Thanksgiving went well. Eric was up at 4 am Friday morning because he loves me so much he went to wait in line at Circuit City to get me a new laptop for $299. Alas, about 200 people were able drag themselves out of bed before Eric, so he didn’t get one. But, it’s the thought that counts, which means sex for him. So he wins, no matter what.

Tonight, Eric’s parents watched the kids so we could have a rare date night. Since we have no family in town, date night is a very infrequent occurrence. For our date night, we went and saw Casino Royale. I told Eric he owes me a chick movie, since I saw a guy movie. He said that I got a lot out of it, since the new James Bond is the hottest one yet, and you get to see him a lot with his shirt off. Although that is all true, there are enough car chases and explosions to definitely classify it as a guy movie.

It was pretty good for a Bond movie, but at 2 ½ hours, I think it could have been shorter. But I got to enjoy popcorn and milk duds, so who am I to complain.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that you’re all coming out of your tryptophan coma in time to enjoy a lovely weekend.

Eat me!

Happy Turkey Day, everyone!

This blogging mommy is way too tired to post a Thursday 13 this week. I have been cooking all day, and I'm about to drop. I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. And don't forget to give thanks for all the blessings in your life!

Random Wednesday

I think I am in a mood. I seriously cannot deal with some of those preschool moms anymore. I walked in today to pick up Eli, and I was carrying Georgia on my hip as usual. I passed by one of the moms and she looked and Georgia and said, “Look at her. She’s just holding on like a little monkey.” WTF?!! This is the same woman who once told me I hold Georgia like a sack of potatoes. And now she just compared my daughter to a monkey. I am about to throw down with this b*tch! One more comment out of her, and I’m going to punch her in her perfectly made-up little face. *deep breath deep breath*

Maybe that’s not in the spirit of the season, but considering how stressed I get around the holidays, it fits quite well with my mood.

Moving on . . .

I can’t let the George Michael thing die. I just can’t. I was wondering today how I thought he was so freaking hot back in the 80’s. Then I came across this YouTube video. It’s him live in concert in Sydney singing (and dancing his ass off to) I Want Your Sex. 15 seconds into this video, and I remembered vividly why I wanted to jump his bones when I was 16. For my fellow 80’s children (men and women alike), enjoy!

And today’s recipe.

Today, I am posting the recipe for the stuffing I am making on Thursday. Once again, I am stealing from Rachael Ray. I seriously can’t wait to try this recipe!!

Pumpkin Muffin Stuffin!

Ingredients
1 stick butter
2 to 3 Macintosh apples, cored and chopped
2 onions, chopped
1 zucchini, chopped
3 small ribs celery, chopped
1 bay leaf
Sat and freshly ground pepper
6 store-bought pumpkin muffins
½ cup shelled pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds, toasted
2 tablespoons poultry seasoning
3 cups chicken broth

Directions
1. In a large, deep skillet, melt 5 tablespoons butter over medium heat. Add the apples, three quarters of the onions, the zucchini, celery and bay leaf. Season with salt and pepper and cook until softened, 10 minutes.

2. Preheat the broiler. Crumble the muffins into the skillet. Add the pumpkin seeds and poultry seasoning, and salt and pepper to taste. Pour in up to 2 cups broth (depending on how moist you like it). Spoon the stuffing into a heatproof dish and broil until crisp, 5 minutes.

Pygmy Marmosets

Today, we had the joy of holiday photos. I needed a stiff drink after that photo shoot, let me tell you! Our holiday photos were supposed to be last Monday, but Georgia’s little face has been all broken out, so I decided to postpone them until today. Bad idea.

Yesterday, Eli developed a cold complete with runny nose and he felt “hot and cold at the same time.” Crap! Georgia’s face is still broken out, and I think it’s because of the dry weather. So this morning, I was faced with Eli’s very red, very crusty nose, and Georgia’s irritated little face. Aside from that, both children were up during the night and we were all tired. A perfect time for those Christmas card pictures!

Our appointment was at 1:30 this afternoon. I usually put Georgia down for a nap shortly after 1:00, but that was the only appointment I could get. You can see, it’s just getting better and better. I spent the morning primping the children. First, we did make-up. I did Eli first. Foundation, concealer, powder, and Gold Dust for some added sparkles. (I’m really not kidding.) Next up was Georgia. She needed more foundation than Eli did. Luckily, we all have fair skin, so my make-up was the right shade. Then, concealer. Then powder. Then Gold Dust. Beautiful.

Next up – hair. Eli’s was fairly easy, but then came Georgia. I only know how to do a girl’s hair one way – the way I do my hair. You can tell this when you look at the pictures because Georgia’s hairstyle is exactly the same as mine. First we wet it down, then curling mousse, then blow dry with diffuser, then styling spritz. We were doing okay so far.

Then Eric got home. One look at the kids and he said, “Jesus Christ, Neila! They’re wearing more make-up than you are!” Okay, I personally thought they looked good, but whatever. I don’t think you can tell in the photos that they’re wearing make-up.

When we all managed to get out of the house and to the photo studio, I had high hopes. Until it was our turn. We did the family photos first. Trying to get the four of us to look at the photographer at the same time and smile was more difficult than you could possibly imagine. Georgia was tired, impatient, and screaming. Eli was squinting his eyes shut because apparently he thinks that makes his smile bigger. Eric and I were busy looking at the children to make sure they had decent looks on their faces. It was not going well. We tried several family shots, shots of the children together, and shots of the children separately. The photographer took a total of 83 pictures. We were only able to choose five decent pictures.

After the photo shoot, the kids ran around the play area, while the parents sat at the big screen computers and tried to decide on photos. I was going as fast as I could because Eli was busy doing his own thing. He organized a group of about five little girls and they were running around the portrait studio with Eli screaming, “We have to save the pygmy marmosets from the dragon.” That got me some looks from the other mothers. What?! My kid’s creative. Deal with it!

We finally tore Eli away from the pygmy marmosets, got our photos, our holiday cards and off we went, content in the fact that I don’t have to do pictures again for another six months.

And the winner is . . .

PassionsByNeila.com is up and running! Thank you everyone for your suggestions. This one was my husband’s pick, so he is now feeling superior. My choice was PassionateDiva.com, which was the runner up.

With all this Passion talk, I have inadvertently turned myself into a porn site. We went for our weekly library visit today (because God forbid we should go one more day without a new Blue’s Clues video). Anyway, I logged onto the library computer to check out my Web site. I do this occasionally, mainly just to check out how my blog and images look on different computers. This was never a problem in any of my previous library visits. Today, it was.

I typed in my card number, logged on and typed in blogthatmommy.com. The big warning page appeared. It said, “You are not able to access this Web page because the library filtering system has deemed it PORNOGRAPHIC.” And yes, it did say pornographic in all caps and bold letters. I sheepishly looked around to make sure the entire library wasn’t standing behind my shoulder watching me try to access porn.

After my initial shock, I decided to find it amusing. My mommy blog that I started in June has now entered into the realm of pornography. My husband was not shocked at all. The second I mentioned “Crazy Sex Lady” in my blog, he said, "I'm out," and stopped visiting Blog That Mommy! at work. Probably a good idea. The last thing I need is for my husband to get fired for reading my freaking mommy blog. *sigh*

Oh well, I hope you all continue to enjoy my blog. Just keep in mind that I’m no longer work safe. You can fret about the fact that you’re visiting a pornographic Web site while enjoying my recipe below for Manchego Smashed Potatoes.

Manchego Smashed Potatoes

In honor of Thanksgiving, which is realistically all about food, I am going to be posting the recipes I am making this week. Today’s recipe comes to us courtesy of Rachael Ray. (I’m a fan of hers, in case you haven’t noticed.) This year, instead of my usual whipped potatoes, I will be making Rachael’s Manchego Smashed Potatoes. Yum-o!

4 pounds baby red or baby Yukon gold potatoes, large ones halved
Salt
4 T. butter, cut into small pieces
½ cup milk or cream
12 oz. Manchego cheese, shredded (2 ½ cups)
Freshly ground pepper

In a deep pot, cover the potatoes with water. Cover the pot with a lid and bring to a boil. Uncover, salt the water and cook until tender when pierced with a fork, 12 to 15 minutes. Drain the potatoes and return them to the pot. Add the butter, milk and cheese and smash. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

I'm a coffee whore

I’m bad. I’m soooo bad. I have a severe coffee addiction. I got in trouble for this a few months ago because my husband looked at the debit card statement and added up how much I was spending each month on coffee. Woops. I really need to start paying cash.

I just can’t help it. I have been to Caribou four times so far this week. I was addicted to the gingerbread latte, I have tried the falalatte, and then Aaron dropped the other day to drop off my weekly fix, and told me to try the Campfire Mocha. Ohhhhh yeah! I did that today, and it was awesome!! They put chocolate bits and marshmallows on top, which melt down to the bottom. When you get to the bottom, it tastes like a smore. I know I have a tendency to over-use the word orgasmic, but there’s really no other way to describe it.

I need to wear a rubberband on my wrist that I can snap when I want to drive myself to Caribou. This week, Aaron dropped off the Fireside blend of coffee. Eric chose this one. It was good. It wasn’t as strong as the Reindeer blend, and I love strong coffee, so it’s going to be hard to top the Reindeer blend for me. I would say the Fireside was strong, but not bold. I would definitely recommend it.

The great thing about Caribou is that it tastes fresher than any coffee I’ve ever had. Aaron told me that is because Caribou coffee is no more than 14 days old from the point that it is harvested to the point of sale. If they roast it and it sits longer than 14 days, they throw it out, so you always get the freshest beans. That made me wonder how long that stuff in the grocery store sits on the shelf. Hmmm . . . that makes me rethink Maxwell House.

Domain help

Okay, I need your advice. Before I order my self-inking stamps, address labels, yada yada, I wanted to think of a better domain name for my Passion Web site. Right now, it is neila.yourpassionconsultant.com. Not that catchy. Sooooo, this is what I have come up. Let me know which one you like best, or let me know if you have one that is even better!

PassionsByNeila.com
PassionConsult.com
NeilasToys.com
PassionateDiva.com
PassionWorthy.com
PassionHero.com
PassionHeroine.com
PopularPassion.com

Remember, I'm limited by what's available. I really want a dot com and not a dot biz or what the hell ever they have now. So, what do you think? Thoughts? Opinions? Bueller? Bueller?

Friday vignettes

80’s Revisited
After reading everyone’s comments on my 80’s blog, I remember sooo many more things that could have been on my list. The biggest thing I forgot was Night Tracks! Does anyone remember Night Tracks? I am fairly certain this was before MTV. It was on TBS, and they played videos all night long. I had a friend who had slumber parties all the time, and we would have the TV on Night Tracks all night. We always knew we were up too late when the videos started repeating. Mmmm . . . that was a fond memory. And then came MTV. I fondly remember when they actually played music videos. Ahhh . . . nostalgia.

But wait, there’s more!

Pop Rocks! I actually still eat those, but they have all new uses as an adult. Are Pop Rocks the same thing as Space Dust in the UK? Did anyone ever have the courage to eat them and then drink a Coke? That is your mission for this weekend if you choose to accept it.

Am I the only one who thought George Michael was straight? I mean, come on, remember the I Want Your Sex video? That naked girl was his pseudo girlfriend in real life. He so perpetuated the fantasies of teenage girls.

Oh you guys, I feel so old. Now, I’m a soccer mom and I drive an SUV. When did that happen? *sigh*

Thanksgiving
This week, I have to switch my focus to Thanksgiving. Everyone comes to our house for Thanksgiving, and I just went today to buy the food. I now have to gear up for a week of cooking. This weekend, I hope you all think of me fondly as I’m making pie crusts. I am making pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and chocolate pecan pie (see below). Oh yeah! It is sinful.

Pimp That Blog
You know I’m not above being a blog whore. Tomorrow, I plan to describe in detail the orgasmic pleasure I had today while enjoying a Campfire Mocha at Caribou.

Aside from coffee, I would like to direct everyone to my friend Jenny’s new Web site. She makes custom jewelry, and has up a new Website, Custom Jewelry By Design. I think her prices are very reasonable. She is very talented. Check out the rings, particularly. Those are my favorite. They look VERY cool! I will be adding Jenny’s link to the right of my blog when I update my links (something I’m waay behind on). I hope you all will check out her site. Think Christmas presents!

Friday Feast
Now, enjoy my recipe for the chocolate pecan pie I will be making for Thanksgiving. Tell me if this doesn’t give you an orgasm in your mouth!

Ingredients
· 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch single crust pie
· 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
· 3 eggs
· 1/8 teaspoon salt
· 2/3 cup packed brown sugar
· 1 1/2 cups chopped pecans
· 12 pecan halves

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. Over hot, not boiling, water melt 1 cup chocolate chips. Remove from heat, and let cool.
3. In a small bowl, beat the eggs and salt; beat with an electric mixer at high speed until very thick and lemon colored, about 5 minutes. Gradually beat in the brown sugar and melted chocolate. Stir in chopped pecans and remaining 1 cup chocolate morsels. Pour filling into the unbaked pie crust. Decorate top with pecan halves.
4. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes.

Enjoy!!

13 Things I Miss About the 80’s

Since I have been listening to soooo much 80's music this week, it inspired a Thursday 13!

1. Leggings – Okay, I realize leggings are coming back, but that has created an issue for me. I loved leggings in the 80’s. Loved them! I wore them all the time because they made my legs look thinner. When leggings came back in style, I was so excited, and I immediately went out and bought a pair. I was very excited for something that made my legs look thinner. Unfortunately, they don’t have the same effect now. After much thought, I’ve decided they used to make my legs look thinner because I was thin in the 80’s. Leggings don’t look nearly as good on me a few pounds heavier. It really sucked coming to this realization.

2. George Michael – Remember when everyone thought George Michael was straight? I remember those days fondly. I had the biggest crush on him after Faith came out. It was all in the ass.

3. Big hair – Okay, I have always had big hair. Since I have a curly blonde mop on top of my head, I really can’t help it. But in the 80’s, that was actually in style. And ohhhhh, could I tease up my hair. I had some serious gravity-defying bangs. It was an art.

4. Atari – I could stay up until all hours playing Pac Man and Donkey Kong. We now have the Atari-like games that you plug into the TV. It is sooooo not the same. Mainly because of the joystick. I vividly remember having “joystick” thumb. It was painful, but man, could I work a joystick.

5. Leg warmers – I loved leg warmers. They kept your legs warm, they were cheap, and they came in all colors. Yeah, yeah, I know. They’re coming back. But now, they’re considered a trendy fashion statement, which means they’ve quadrupled in price. Are you kidding me?!

6. The Cosby Show – We could all relate to one of the Cosby kids. Mine was Vanessa because I was closest to her in age. They don’t have good family shows like that anymore. They used to have The Cosby Show, Growing Pains, and Family Ties. Now, what do they have? I turned on Two and a Half Men the other night and turned it right back off because my son started asking too many questions. WTF?

7. Tom Cruise – Remember Tom Cruise before he was crazy? Good Lord, he was hot! I was 15 when Top Gun came out, and I saw it three times at the theatre. That inspired PG-13-related fantasies about Tom Cruise for several weeks.

8. Lack of technology – Jeez! If my parents had been able to install a GPS tracking device on my car at 16, I would have been in some serious sh*t! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about technology. But with cell phones, pagers, etc., people can always find me. Sometimes, I really don’t want to be that available.

9. Hair bands – Poison. Bon Jovi. *sigh* I don’t think I ever got over it when Jon Bon Jovi cut his hair. It just won’t ever be the same.

10. Swatch watches – Oh, what a fashion accessory. Different colors and scents, remember? Scented wristbands! Now, that was fashion. I loved these damn things. I actually created my own fashion statement by wearing them in my hair. I would pile all my hair up into a big pony tail on top of my head, and secure it with a couple of Swatches. I was so cool.

11. Teen movies – Okay, I realize I am a 30-something mom, but teen movies nowadays suck. What happened to movies with a message like The Breakfast Club, or really good love stories like Say Anything. All my boyfriends in the late 80’s were held up to the standard of John Cusack. Not one of them held a boom box up outside my window. Huh.

12. Valley girl speak – I seem to remember tubular and radical being key words in my vocabulary. But most importantly – awesome. That is one word that never faded.

13. Rubik’s cube – I love puzzles, so this was about the best damn toy ever. It still amazes me that Yale began offering a course on mastering the Rubik’s Cube. Now, that’s a phenomenon!!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

80’s Baby

I was in the car with my children yesterday running errands. It was a bad time. Georgia was tired, and I knew she needed a nap, but I had to pick up a prescription and go to the bank. I figured I could suffer through it. It didn’t take long before she started screaming. She didn’t want to be in the car, and she was pissed.

As the screaming grew louder, Eli became annoyed and started yelling, “Georgia! Be quiet!” This, of course, made her scream louder.

When we are at home, all I have to do to calm her down is sing Edelweiss. Seriously, she can be in the throws of an all out crying jag, but two bars of Edelweiss will immediately quiet her down. It’s pretty amazing.

Unfortunately, that little trick doesn’t work in the car. So, I began trying different CDs to find one that would calm her down. Children’s music – nothing. Enya – nada. Finally, I popped in an 80’s CD I had mixed for myself. Asia came on blaring Heat of the Moment. Amazingly, the cries quieted, and I heard Georgia start clapping in time to the music.

Seriously? Asia?

Luckily, that kept her quiet through the bank drive-through. Sadly, the calm only lasted through the one song. When the next song came on, she started screaming again. Apparently, she wasn’t as fond of Quiet Riot and Cum On Feel The Noize. I thought I would mix it up, so I put in my Nickelback CD. No such luck.

I just looked in my rearview mirror and said, “You have GOT to be kidding me! You like Asia, but you don’t like Nickelback?” *sigh* Eli was just covering his ears at this point, so I don’t think he really cared what we listened to. I popped Asia back in. Silence. Clap. Clap. Clap.

Huh.

Needless to say, we listened to that song six times before we got home. Today, when Georgia acted up in the car, I flipped through my entire 80’s CD to see if any other song had a calming reaction. Surprisingly, 867-5309 had the same effect. Silence. Clap. Clap. Clap.



At least that gives us some variety. Apparently, my daughter has quite a fondness for select 80’s tunes. Maybe tomorrow, I will try some Sister Christian and really mix things up.

Blessed by Coffee Gods

In case you all didn’t know, I love coffee. I know. Shocker! Even if I had an IV drip of coffee, I would still probably need a four-shot latte before noon. It is the lifeblood in my veins. I mentioned before how I would blog for coffee. Luckily, my friend Aaron, knew I was serious. He now works at Caribou Coffee, after leaving his wonderful job at Hen House where he barely escaped an altercation with a customer (that’s a blog in itself).

Aaron emailed last week and said he had a pound of Caribou’s new Reindeer Blend if I wanted to try it. If?!! Are you freaking kidding me?! He drove it over that afternoon, and we have been enjoying Caribou’s Reindeer Blend for the last few days. Oh, it rocks! It really, really does.

It’s described on their Web site as a classic dark roast holiday blend that is dark, syrupy and smooth.

I love strong coffee (a dark brew), but I really don’t like Starbucks coffee because it is almost bitter, and I drink a lot of coffee. After a four-shot latte at Starbucks, I always have a stomachache. Not cool. You all know that Folger’s sent me some free coffee to try a few weeks ago, and my favorite of theirs was the Lively Columbian. Okay, that was minor league compared to Caribou.

If you like a strong dark roast, you must try Caribou’s Reindeer blend. It’s good. It’s damn good. The aroma alone is enough to make me swoon. Even my husband likes it, and he is not big on the dark roast, but he actually brewed a pot yesterday for himself. Trust me, that’s a good recommendation.

Aaron left a comment on my blog the other day that some of you may have seen. Apparently, he got approval from his manager to hook me up with a pound of coffee a week (!!!) if I would blog about it. Oh yeah, baby!!! Christmas came early this year at my house.

I just thought you all should know why there will be a weekly coffee blog around here. It’s because Aaron is now my dealer and he will be hooking me up with a fix once a week. I’m downright giddy.

In addition, I just about had an orgasm the other day when I tried Caribou’s gingerbread latte. Oh, sweet Lord in heaven, Starbucks only dreams they could make gingerbread lattes this good. Caribou mixes their gingerbread spice with white mocha for their latte. Yum-o! In fact, I feel like jumping in the car right now and heading across town for coffee. Oh what the hell. Off I go for my Gingerbread Latte. I will see you all later. Hope you try out Caribou!

Party On!

In case you all are wondering why I have not been abloggin’ for a couple of days, it is because this was the weekend of parties. I did a Passion Party at my house on Friday night, a Passion Party on Saturday afternoon, and a Discovery Toys party on Saturday night. I am tired. Very tired.

Friday night was my first Passion Party, and I had a lot of friends over. I sold over $700 of merchandise, and I make 40%, so it was a good profit for one evening. The problem is that I think I will do much better at this when I am doing it for people I don’t know. People share waaaaay more information than I imagined. I now have visuals in my head of one of my friends who apparently enjoys some very hardcore activities. And I will never be able to look one friend’s husband in the eye again without the voice inside my head screaming “PREMATURE EJACULATOR!!!”

Luckily, I had so much fun that it’s all worth it. It was a fun party, and I have seven people now interested in booking parties! Seven!! Four of them already have dates set for their parties. And three people were interested in information about joining Passion Parties. How cool is that?!

Saturday afternoon, I headed down to the Plaza because a gal was having a slumber party at one of the fancy schmancy hotels, and she wanted me to come by and bring my stuff. These ladies seemed to be the antithesis of the women at my party. The hostess was really enjoying it, but her friends seemed shocked when I began my whole spiel about the G-spot, and they looked downright terrified when I pulled out the rotating vibrators. Oh well, I guess everyone isn’t into it.

I went straight from there to do a Discovery Toys party, with one quick stop at Caribou. More on Caribou coffee tomorrow, but you must stop in and try their holiday drinks. Their Gingerbread Latte is heaven in a cup, and about a zillion times better than Starbucks!

Anyway, I was desperately trying to switch mental gears to toys of the more wholesome variety. Everyone at that party seemed to have a great time. And since I mentioned that I am an equal opportunity toy provider, I even had one lady ask me if I had any Passion Parties catalog. Luckily, I always carry them!

I stayed late because my friend Heather #2, the hostess, makes kick-ass party food, and I missed dinner. So after I ate her out of house and home, I went home and lapsed into a coma for about three hours until Georgia woke up at 2 am. Hopefully one of these days I’ll catch up on my sleep. I have a few days where I can relax before I have to start thinking about Thanksgiving. Oh, the stress.

Shave Everywhere

Okay, my husband was checking out Philips Norelco’s new personal razor. You all MUST see this!

http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/

Friday Feast

Since I am in the midst of making tons of party food for my Passion Party Friday night, I thought I would go ahead and participate in Friday Feast by posting my Oreo Truffles. I’ve had these at several parties, so I think they’re a popular recipe. Yet, I still had issues. Next time I will probably melt the chocolate with a little margarine or maybe some milk to thin it out because it got waaaay too thick while I was dipping the balls, and it turned into a bit of a mess. So, now I have messy balls. I’m sure they’ll still be good. I’m also having little smokies. Balls and wieners. And I wasn’t even going for a theme party.

But before I get to my recipe, I have to relate how much I completely spaced out today. I went to Eli’s parent-teacher conference this morning, and I even got there 15 minutes early. I got to sit in the little chair outside the office and drink my coffee in peace. It was fabulous. The conference went well. I discovered that Eli is being stalked by a cute little 3-year-old named Audrey. I also found out that he likes to take things apart at preschool just like he does at home. Apparently, he got a hold of a little screwdriver in the classroom, and attempted to take the doorknobs off the doors. I’m sure he would have succeeded if they hadn’t stopped him. One day at home he disassembled one of our bar stools when I thought he was watching Dora. I can’t take my eyes off of that kid for a second!

After I got home, the vacuum broke down, I had an unexpected visit from a neighbor, and I completely forgot the kids had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I made an appointment two weeks ago for them to go in today to get flu shots. I checked my calendar earlier in the week to double-check the time. And I forgot. I don’t mean that I remembered an hour later. I completely forgot. The only reason I remember it now is because I just checked my email, and my friend sent me one that said, “How did the flu shots go?” *Gasp* Oh, triple crap!!!

The combination of busy and tired sends important information flying out of my ears. Thank God for Aaron, my coffee God, or I would lapse into a coma. I can’t wait to tell you my excitement over my free coffee. That will be in this weekend’s blog.

Anyway, on to the recipe for Oreo Truffles:

1 lb. Oreo cookies (3 sleeves)
8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
1 lb. milk chocolate
½ lb. white chocolate

1. Using food processor (or Magic Bullet), grind cookies to a fine powder.
2. With a mixer, blend cookie powder and cream cheese until thoroughly mixed.
3. Roll into small balls and place on wax-lined cookie sheet.
4. Refrigerate for 45 minutes.
5. In double boiler (or microwave), melt chocolate.
6. Dip balls and coat thoroughly.
7. Left balls out of chocolate and let excess chocolate drip off.
8. Place on wax-paper-lined cookie sheet.
9. In separate bowl, melt white chocolate.
10. Using a fork, drizzle white chocolate over balls.
11. Let cool.
12. Store in airtight container, in refrigerator.

13 Shows I Love To Watch (when I have time)

1. Prison Break – This is the one show I make time for. My husband can’t stand it because in his words, “It is impossible for me to suspend my disbelief that much!” Whatever. I think he’s just annoyed that Wentworth Miller is at the top of my list of guys to jump if I weren’t married. Speaking of Went, this is a perfect excuse to post another picture of him. Feel free to drool.

2. Lost – Again, not one of my hubby’s favorites. He thinks I have too much drama in my life. I love puzzles that keep my brain in analysis mode. It also helps that Naveen Andrews looks really good when sweaty.

3. Desperate Housewives – Everyone one of us has some characteristics of at least two of the housewives. My combo is Lynette and Susan. I’m the neurotic mom who constantly finds herself in awkward situations.

4. Heroes – Okay, I would watch Adrian Pasdar in anything. Aside from that, I just can’t wait to see where this show is going. What is up with Claire’s father? I’m still waiting to see Peter take off and fly. I’m rooting for Hiro to save the world from a nuclear explosion. And does Nikki’s ultra-violent alter ego have anything to do with Silar?

5. Grey’s Anatomy – Aside from McDreamy, who I have loved since I saw him in Can’t Buy Me Love when I was 14, there are so many reasons to watch this show. I would watch it every week for Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson alone. It’s been so long since a show gave us so many new catch words. Vajayjay?

6. The Office – If something doesn’t happen soon between Jim and Pam, I will hurl my TV out the window. Aside from that, I think Steve Carell is about the funniest damn actor working today.

7. Days of Our Lives – I’ve watched this show for 23 years, so love it or hate it, I’m in it for the long haul. Of course these days, I often find myself rooting for the bad guys (I love EJ), but can you blame me?

8. Justice – I really want to watch this show. I saw it at the beginning of the season and I loved it. Unfortunately, they moved it to Mondays, so it is doomed to die a slow death opposite Heroes, but if anyone gets a chance to Tivo it or see it in reruns, it is worth a look.

9. Veronica Mars – My favorite all-time show is Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. The writing on Veronica Mars is almost as good. Almost.

10. House – I’m noticing that many of the shows I love have really hot guys in them. Coincidence? Hmmm . . . I love Hugh Laurie. Too bad, he puts on an American accent to play Dr. House, but I love him anyway. He is deliciously arrogant.

11. New Adventures of Old Christine – Julia-Louis Dreyfuss is freaking hilarious in just about anything. I love her in this, and I will forever love her from Seinfeld. I will never be able to go out onto a dance floor without briefly busting out with Elaine’s thumb-pointing dance moves with the little kicks.

12. Project Runway – I have a girl crush on Heidi Klum. I am not even going to post a picture of how good she looks. This is why pregnant women around the globe are weeping. She is beautiful, smart, and executive producer of the best reality show on television.

13. Conan – Conan O’Brien and I developed a close relationship after I gave birth to both of my children. I found out that they rerun Conan around 2 a.m. He continuously makes me laugh so hard that I just about bust something. But my favorite bit from his show? Triumph, of course. Please enjoy my all-time favorite Triumph sketch ever, as he does the weather for a news station in Hawaii.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Crazy Sex Lady

Okay, I already had my blog written when I heard the news. Britney and K-Fed are divorcing. She finally woke up and looked to her left in bed and said, “What the f*ck was I thinking?” I will process this information and comment more tomorrow.

Anyway – I’m the crazy sex lady. I’m sure that’s my new nickname at preschool. For the last week, I have been toying with the idea of whether or not to invite some other preschool moms to the Passion Party I’m having on Friday. Last Thursday, I invited one mom whom I really like. Today, I decided to hand out another invitation to one of the preschool teachers.

When I went up to give her an invite, she said, “I heard you were doing this! We were just talking about you earlier. You have a whooooole other side to your personality that I didn’t know about.”

Hmmm . . . Is that good or bad? I’m not quite sure considering I had only told one person about the Passion Parties and the word had already traveled around preschool. I went ahead and handed out invites to a couple of the other moms. What the hell, right? Everyone seemed to know at that point, anyway. I mainly got raised eyebrows and very high-pitched “Ohhhhh”s as responses, along with things like, “I would come, but . . . . my uh . . . husband’s going to be out of town.”

Christ, do these women think I’m going to hand them a mirror and a vibrator when they walk in my front door? Oh well. I always felt like the embarrassed teenage girl before around the preschool moms. Now, I’m just the crazy sex lady. I think that’s a step up.

Dona Nobis Pacem

Supporting global peace.

Get your own Peace Globe here!

When Babies Attack

(See next post for Prison Break discussion.)

Today, I felt like I should have my own reality show. Seriously, a camera crew should be following me around capturing the comedy of errors that ensues when I attempt to run errands with my children.

We just needed to make a simple trip to Aldi. That’s it. I should have known I was in trouble when I went to get a cart and saw that none of them had straps to hold Georgia in place. I complain about this every time I go, yet I always forget to bring my rope to tie her down.

I was trying to grocery shop one-handed while holding her down with the other hand. She was screaming (and I mean SCREAMING) because she wanted to stand up. I was getting comments from older women like, “Oh. Isn’t she feisty?” I just gave them a death stare. I wanted to say, “How long has it been since you went shopping with children, grandma?”

Anyway, I did everything I could think of to get her to sit down and stay quiet. I gave her a Dora flashlight. That worked for about a minute. The only thing she really seemed to want was a four-pack of lemons that she unwrapped and began to eat.

More stares. Yes, that is my one-year-old eating lemons. Back off! At least she’s not screaming.

When we got up to the checkout counter, I forgot that you’re supposed to bring your own sacks at Aldi. They will sell you sacks, but I refuse to buy grocery sacks. That’s just wrong. So, I found a box to put all my groceries in. The problem is that I had $80 worth of groceries and one big box. It all fit, but I could barely lift it.

I managed to get it perched on top of the cart and wheeled everyone out to the car. I put Georgia in the car first, and then attempted to anchor the cart with my foot while awkwardly trying to lift my heavy box of groceries. I then discovered my foot was not anchored properly, and off went the cart. Down the hill. With my eggs in it. Crap.

I yelled to Eli. “Get it!! Get the cart!” Yes, without thinking, I just shouted for my son to run haphazardly into the parking lot to save a container of 75-cent eggs. Luckily, he didn’t listen to me (shocker), but a nice woman appeared out of nowhere, and chased my cart down, returning it and my eggs to me.

Then we got home. I hope none of the neighbors were watching me attempt to get everything in the house. When I finally did, I started putting groceries away. As I started to cross the kitchen with an armload of groceries, Georgia forcefully launched herself at my left leg. Since I wasn’t expecting this, she threw me off balance. I fell into the cabinet and knocked a huge glass of water off the counter sending it shattering into a million pieces. At that point, I actually started cursing in front of the children.

I sat Eli on the counter and locked Georgia in her room so they wouldn’t cut themselves and tried to clean up the glass only to discover that the children had stolen my dustpan. I had no way to pick up the freaking glass off the floor. I just picked up the big chunks and then got out towels and Pine-sol and tried to wipe up all the little chunks. I now have a glass shard stuck in the palm of my hand.

I’m going to make Eric look for the dustpan when he gets home, but I guarantee you there will be a small shard of glass left on that damn floor and that I will find it with bare feet. *sigh* What a Monday.

Prison Break recap

Prison Break is pissing me off. I don't know that I'm going to start doing a weekly recap, but I have to get this off my chest.


First of all, is Sara a freaking idiot?! Oh gee, I think I will walk away from the one person who can help me whom I know I can trust. Yeah, that was a real smart idea. You have got to be kidding me. Where the hell did she think she was going? Does she have a plan? And let's be honest, ladies - would any woman in her right mind walk away from a man this beautiful? I think not.




Now Kellerman has Sara, and I have some thoughts on this. First of all, I think his days are numbered. He doesn't seem to be a real asset to the agency or whoever the hell it is he's working for, and other than chasing Sara, he doesn't have much of a storyline. Who thinks she will kill him? I do! I do!


I also have a hard time believing that Kellerman really wants to kill her. Wasn't it about two weeks ago that he seemed to get very upset when he found out they were going to get rid of her. That gave me the idea that he may have developed some sort of feelings for her.


Where is Michael off to now? I'm sure he will get his hands on another car somewhere, although I don't look for him to reunite with Linc and LJ before the fall finale. Does anyone know how many months we have to wait for new episodes after November?

And what about Linc and Michael's dad just showing up? Can we trust him? I am getting weary of who we can trust on the show. And I'm surprised nobody died tonight considering the body count seems to be awfully high. But I could seriously do without T-bag. And Bellick for that matter.


Sucre needs to get a better storyline. I really like him when he is interacting with the other guys, but I find his whole side story with Maricruz lame. I think it's because we only saw her a couple of times last year. I'm not really emotionally involved. Is anyone else feeling this?

What are everyone else's thoughts?

Adult toy headache

Ugh! I just watched Desperate Housewives, and I was crying when the bitchy lady got shot. I didn’t even like her, yet I’m sitting there bawling. I also came to the realization that I really need to read a careful description of what is going to happen on a TV show before I watch it. The gunplay in tonight’s episode got a lot of attention from Eli.

“Mommy! Mommy! What’s she doing? Why is she doing that? Why is she yelling? Is she mad?”

I didn’t expect Desperate Housewives to be more freaking violent than Prison Break. I think I am going to have to start taping everything and watching TV late at night.

The rest of my weekend was filled with studying up on my new products since my big Passion Party is Friday night. I locked myself in the bedroom today and surrounded myself with various creams, edible lotions and adult toys. I have studied these products so much that my head is starting to spin. Ironically, many of the products I’m studying also spin. And buzz. And whir. Among other things.

I am not going to purchase the pillow, although I’m glad all of you seemed to get a kick out of it. Let me assure you that I myself was truly speechless when I first saw it as well. My husband is determined to find a giant penis pillow to go with it but he is unsure of where the giant rhinestone would go.

At least by shadowing parties, I have learned a lot of informational tidbits to throw into my demo. But I think I’m done shadowing parties as I seem to freak out the partygoers. They’re drunk and having fun, and I have out my giant notebook taking notes on phermones. I don’t think they know how to react to me.

Friday night, the party I shadowed was for a bunch of 20-something girls. They were very interested in the Silky Sheets product. I love this one because it has the phermones in it, which, among other things, calms children. When my kids are having trouble sleeping, I spray the Silky Sheets on their beds. It works like a charm. Georgia takes a long nap every time I do that.

I related this story at the party because I think it’s a major selling point. They all looked at me like I’m nuts because that wasn’t why they were interested in it. Silky Sheets absorbs moisture, so the “magical use” is that it dries that pesky wet spot in the time it takes you to go to the bathroom and come back. It really is amazing. I just need to get more in tune with my audience so I will know which features to focus on the most.

But since I use Nipple Nibblers as a lip gloss and cuticle conditioner, I think I still have a ways to go.

The pillow

Sorry my blogs seem to slow down on the weekends, but with the Passion Parties starting up, weekends are getting kind of busy.

I had to share something quickly with you guys, and I will write more about this in tomorrow's blog.

I shadowed another consultant last night on a party because I'm trying to get a feel for different styles to see what works for me.

This consultant had a pillow that she used for demonstration purposes and anatomy lessons. I have never seen anything like this in my entire life. There is no way to describe it. You have to see it. Click the link when you are ready.

Here it is!

Oh yeah. I'm not kidding. I particularly like the well-placed rhinestone. I can't tell you how freaking educational this job is!

Multi-functional

I love things that are multi-functional. For example, my favorite kitchen item is the spoonula. I love the spoonula – it’s a spoon and a spatula. My favorite Passion Product is Nipple Nibblers because it’s the best freaking lip gloss I’ve ever found, even though that was not its original intention. My son loves it as a lip gloss too, so I had to peel off the label to avoid funny looks.

Luckily, my daughter is following in my footsteps of finding multi-functional items. This afternoon, I was trying to have some quiet time. I had to return phone calls and was trying to find something to entertain Georgia. I had a bunch of toys in front of her when she got up and left the room. She came back moments later with a box of tampons from the bathroom. Yes. Tampons.

I reached down to take them away from her, but then noticed that she was extremely entertained just trying to unwrap them, so I let her be. I was able to get several phone calls made, watching her play quite contentedly. She would open a tampon, take it apart, and then start swinging it around by the string. It was seriously the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

Even funnier was when my husband came home from work. Georgia heard her daddy come in the front door and took off to meet him. I heard him say. “Hi, Georgia! What do you have? OHMYGOD! NEILA!!!” I wish I had that on video.

I just said, “Yes, she has what you think she has.”

And here I have been spending hundreds of dollars on fancy schmancy toys, when all I really needed to do was spend $3 on a box of Tampax. At least Christmas shopping will be easy.

13 Reasons My Daughter Won't Nap

This week’s Thursday Thirteen was inspired by this afternoon’s events. I tried for two hours to get my daughter down for a nap. Nine of these thirteen happened today!

1. My cat – Maybe it’s because he’s part Siamese, but my cat has this incessant meow. It doesn’t even sound like a meow. It sounds like a loud low-pitched moan. He does it for no other reason than to piss me off. He had food and water, so there was no other reason for him to sit outside Georgia’s room and meow other than his apparent death wish.

2. My neighbor – My neighbor decided to mow his freaking lawn right after I put Georgia down. It’s November for crissake! Who the hell mows their lawn in November?!

3. Tornado siren – Every week, the city decides to test the tornado siren. Again, it’s November!!!! We are well past tornado season. Anyway, they’re supposed to test it at the same time every week. They don’t. They specifically wait just until my daughter has dozed off. The bastards.

4. Eli – For a skinny boy, my son sounds like a herd of elephants running down the hall. As soon as Georgia starts to doze, he bounds past her room to the bathroom right across the hall and slams the door. Georgia’s screaming ensues.

5. Telephone – I am going to rip that damn thing out of the wall. It’s not like it just rings once during her naptime. It rings off the damn hook.

6. UPS Man – Between Passion Parties and Discovery Toys, he comes often. Does he have to beat on the f*cking door every time he leaves a package. That is not necessary. Eventually I will notice there is a box on my doorstep.

7. Poop – Invariably Georgia waits until I put her down for her nap to poop. Then she cries until I come to change her. *sigh* The children are trying to gaslight me.

8. Batteries – Of all the damn things that could go wrong, the batteries in Georgia’s music attached to her crib went out. She was extremely pissed off when she pushed that little button and nothing happened.

9. Pacifier – I clip the damn thing to her shirt, and she still manages to lose it. I have decided that she rips it off and throws it out of the crib the second I leave her room just so I will come back in.

10. Kids playing outside – It amazes me how much noise small children can make outside. I felt like taking out the little punks with a bibi gun.

11. TV – This really goes under the Eli category. I always try to sit him in front of the TV when Georgia naps in hopes of keeping him quiet. Unfortunately he feels the need to turn up the TV and sing and dance (jump) when a good song comes on Noggin. Grrrrr . . .

12. Teeth – Two more molars popped through this week. My life would be much easier if Georgia would let me give her Tylenol. But no. She would rather stand in her crib, cry and chew on her fingers.

13. Me – By the time the child did fall asleep today, I had to turn around and wake her up because we had to leave for an appointment. Yes, I tried for two hours to get her down and then woke her up after an hour and a half. I’m sure she does not appreciate mommy’s cruel joke.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants



Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Trick or treat?

Thank the freaking Lord Halloween is over! I now need a couple of weeks to relax before the real scary holidays start.

Eli seemed well-rested and in a much better mood on Halloween morning. The kids got to wear their Halloween costumes to preschool, and he was very excited about that. His Sportacus costume has a button on the chest. When you push it, it will say something like, “There’s trouble in Lazytown!” or “Help is on the way!” complete with Icelandic accent. I didn’t realize there was a switch on the back of the little crystal that would cause it to play music . . . continuously. Eli discovered that this morning. Right as we were walking into preschool.

How many moms get to walk down the hall with their own theme music. Oh yeah! That wasn’t embarrassing at all! Eli was excited because they got to “trick-or-treat” at school. This meant I got to look forward to him bouncing off the walls when he got home. Fabulous.

Eli’s teachers looked adorable. They’re these little grandmotherly women, and one was dressed like a giant pumpkin, and one like a clown. It was cute. On my way out, I passed the preschool director, Miss Nicky. I had to do a double take when I saw her. I think she was supposed to be dressed as a flapper. But when I first saw her, I thought, “Why is Miss Nicky dressed like a whore?” She had on a very short skirt with fringy things complete with fishnet stockings and high heels. WTF?! Are you freaking kidding me? Apparently, the preschool director thinks she’s running a brothel.

After we dropped off Eli, Georgia and I ran some errands, including a stop at Scooter’s in which I heard the Scooter’s girl exclaim how she was extremely hormonal. Without thinking, I asked if she was pregnant, and then remembered she is a raging lesbian. I try to stick my foot in my mouth on a daily basis. At least I got it out of the way early. She gave me a very odd look. “Uhhhh . . . no.” My day was off to a groovy start.

After a Target run, I came home, and even with my sinus infection, I could smell Georgia’s diaper. I remember the worst poopy diaper I had ever changed (as I’m sure many of you parents do). It was right after Eli started solid foods, and we fed him spaghetti. Not pretty.

Well, I had one today that topped that. Last night, we had chili for dinner. Oh, sweet Lord in heaven, Georgia did not process that well. After changing that diaper, I don’t think I will ever be able to eat chili again. And I don’t even have my complete sense of smell intact. Eric should be thankful he wasn’t around for that one.

After a long day, I decided to take my reward. Eric bought Nestle crunch to hand out to the trick-or-treaters. He also brought fruit chews home from work. I made the executive decision to hand out the fruit chews and keep the chocolate for myself. Because dammit, I needed the chocolate more than the trick-or-treaters.