Party On!

In case you all are wondering why I have not been abloggin’ for a couple of days, it is because this was the weekend of parties. I did a Passion Party at my house on Friday night, a Passion Party on Saturday afternoon, and a Discovery Toys party on Saturday night. I am tired. Very tired.

Friday night was my first Passion Party, and I had a lot of friends over. I sold over $700 of merchandise, and I make 40%, so it was a good profit for one evening. The problem is that I think I will do much better at this when I am doing it for people I don’t know. People share waaaaay more information than I imagined. I now have visuals in my head of one of my friends who apparently enjoys some very hardcore activities. And I will never be able to look one friend’s husband in the eye again without the voice inside my head screaming “PREMATURE EJACULATOR!!!”

Luckily, I had so much fun that it’s all worth it. It was a fun party, and I have seven people now interested in booking parties! Seven!! Four of them already have dates set for their parties. And three people were interested in information about joining Passion Parties. How cool is that?!

Saturday afternoon, I headed down to the Plaza because a gal was having a slumber party at one of the fancy schmancy hotels, and she wanted me to come by and bring my stuff. These ladies seemed to be the antithesis of the women at my party. The hostess was really enjoying it, but her friends seemed shocked when I began my whole spiel about the G-spot, and they looked downright terrified when I pulled out the rotating vibrators. Oh well, I guess everyone isn’t into it.

I went straight from there to do a Discovery Toys party, with one quick stop at Caribou. More on Caribou coffee tomorrow, but you must stop in and try their holiday drinks. Their Gingerbread Latte is heaven in a cup, and about a zillion times better than Starbucks!

Anyway, I was desperately trying to switch mental gears to toys of the more wholesome variety. Everyone at that party seemed to have a great time. And since I mentioned that I am an equal opportunity toy provider, I even had one lady ask me if I had any Passion Parties catalog. Luckily, I always carry them!

I stayed late because my friend Heather #2, the hostess, makes kick-ass party food, and I missed dinner. So after I ate her out of house and home, I went home and lapsed into a coma for about three hours until Georgia woke up at 2 am. Hopefully one of these days I’ll catch up on my sleep. I have a few days where I can relax before I have to start thinking about Thanksgiving. Oh, the stress.

Career Change

Before I start into my blog, I want to make sure that everyone knows Halloween is on Sunday night on AMC! Woo hoo! Scariest damn movie ever, and I love to watch it at Halloween. I don’t know why because that damn music freaks me out and scares me so much I don’t even want to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But I love it! I’m twisted!

Okay, I need some advice from everyone. As you know, I decided a couple of months ago to make some extra money selling Discovery Toys. Since then, I have really been looking into the whole idea of network marketing. I have mentioned my friend Rebecca who is a consultant for Passion Parties. She makes 40 % of her sales and I make 20 %. As you can imagine, her items are more expensive than mine, so she makes a lot more money.

Plus, the Passion Parties are a lot of fun! It’s hard to get people interested in coming to a Discovery Toys party, but everyone wants to come to a Passion Party. Soooo . . . I am thinking about switching. I know that is quite a change. I wouldn’t give up Discovery Toys, because I absolutely LOVE the toys. I would just add the Passion Parties until I see which one is more successful. What do you think?

As it is, most of the Discovery Toys sound dirty anyway – Hammer Away, Shiny Touchy Smelly, and Boomarings. And the Passion Parties products could be innocent toys – the Jack Rabbit, Mystical Moments Wand, and the Friendly Dolphin. So, it wouldn’t be a big switch from selling toys to selling toys.

Plus, I just can’t carry that damn purse anymore. Yes, I have gotten about four people to ask me about Discovery Toys, which is pretty good. But most of the time, people just stare at me like I’m a psycho for carrying a freaky ass purse. Plus, when I was at a children’s clothing store one day, the clerk actually tried to ring up my purse (!!!). So today, I went to Target, and got a new purse. A real one. One that is as big as a suitcase so I can use it as a purse/diaper bag. That feels much better!

Eric is hesitant about my career change. He says that guys don’t talk about sex that openly. He maintains that girls are just dirtier. He can’t even comprehend a Passion Party. I think it would be easier to get people to attend parties, and I would sell more. And besides, sex sells! And I would be selling it!

Err . . . okay, that didn’t come out right. But, you know what I mean.

What should I do?

My new purse

My new purse came today in the mail. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. I got a new purse. Woo hoo. Well, here is a picture of it.

Okay, so it’s not actually a purse. It’s a Discovery Toy Chest. But my mind works in strange ways. I despise going up to strangers and pushing toys. I feel as though I’m the smarmy guy a block away from the school ground trying to sell crack cocaine. “Pssst. Hey buddy.”

I thought if I carried around this purse, people would say, “Oh, that’s a cute (interesting, strange, insert your own adjective) purse. Where did you get it?” To which, I could respond, “Discovery Toys, which I sell. You could earn this and other toys for free, yada, yada, yada.”

I personally thought this was a good idea. My husband smirked at me. My friends outright laughed at me and then said, “You’re not REALLY going to carry that around in public, are you?”

Well, after I received my purse today and stuffed all my belongings into it, I took off to run errands. Sonic, Beauty Brands, Franklin Covey, and Wal-Mart. Before I hit Wal-Mart, nobody had even looked at me cross-eyed. Imagine my joy when a woman in Wal-Mart said, “Oh, that is so cute! Where did you get your purse?” YIPPEE! My plan worked. After a few minutes of conversation, the Wal-Mart lady was interested in hosting a party and is excited about the free toys she can get for her son. Do I rock or what?

Imagine the look of shock on my husband’s face when I came home and related my news. “You mean that thing actually works?!” Yes. Yes, it does!

Gander Mountain

Am I a snob? Tell me the complete and honest truth. I don’t know what it is with me, but whenever I travel out of the metropolitan area, I feel completely out of my element. I am actually from a small town in Southern Kansas, so you wouldn’t think I would feel this way.

Today, we traveled to Wichita for my first Discovery Toys meeting. It’s about a 3-hour drive, so it was quite an ordeal to drive down and back in one day for a 4-hour meeting. The kicker is that the meeting was held at Gander Mountain, which is a small scale Bass Pro or Cabela’s. In case you still don’t know what that is (and God bless you if you don’t), it’s a store that sells all kinds of outdoorsy and hunting-type equipment.

Okay, I despise hunting. I really really do. The first time I ever visited Bass Pro, there was a video playing that was showing you how to kill a deer. They were actually killing a deer!!! I about lost it at freaking Bambi. When I saw the Bass Pro video, I practically ran out of the store sobbing. Needless to say, I don’t do well in these types of stores. Yet, this is where our manager holds her monthly meetings. What’s wrong with Applebee’s for crissake?!

When I walked into Gander Mountain, the sign was the first thing I saw.

I realize that some people (as scary as it seems) probably do walk around with firearms. But who walks around with a bow?! And do you really have to remind someone to check their bow? I would think it would be awkward to attempt to conceal a bow or carry it around anyhow! I just don’t get that one.

Then we walked in, and I spotted the first of several stuffed animal displays. And I don’t mean stuffed animals as in teddy bears. When I say stuffed animals . . . well, think taxidermy. Anyway, there was a larger than life stuffed bear attacking an elk who was wounded and lying on the ground. Are you freaking kidding me?! Who the hell thought to put up this little display? I should have snapped a photo, but I was so horrified that I forgot.

What horrified me even more were the questions. “What is that, mommy?” “Why is he lying down?” “What’s that bear doing?” “Can I touch it?” No! Good Lord, don’t touch it!

When I finally did make it back to the “Lodge” area for the meeting, I sat down to four hours (!!!) of talk about Discovery Toys. I am a little Discovery Toyed out after that. Not to mention the fact that I am having my grand opening party next weekend, and I have received six regrets so far. *sigh* Apparently, I need to work on my motivation. Someone please share with me how to become one of those blogging millionaires I always hear about, and then I won’t have to sell toys!

Karma

I should have known after my great day yesterday that karma would kick me in the ass. It was quite an eventful day for someone who didn't even leave the house! I think it was the no sleep. After two nights with no sleep (and I'm really not blaming Georgia because I wouldn't be happy if I were cutting molars either), it finally caught up with me, and I spent today in a zombie-like state.

I knew I was in trouble at 5 a.m. when I was playing with Georgia. If I'm that awake at 5 a.m., especially after being up at 3 a.m. the previous night, things won't end well. When I finally got Eric out of bed - or I should say awake enough to watch Georgia so I could take a shower, I accidentally mistook my conditioner for shampoo. I was so tired that I didn't even bother to lather with shampoo and then go back to conditioner. This was a mistake because I have walked around all day with gummy hair. It has not been pleasant.

After my shower, Georgia proceeded to attach herself to my right calf where she stayed all day, sometimes yelling, sometimes screaming, and sometimes vehemently telling me "Ya de de de ma ja da." My thoughts exactly.

This afternoon excited me because the UPS man showed up with two huge boxes of Discovery Toys - all the new fall stuff. Woo hoo! Eli ran and found scissors that he was apparently hiding somewhere (!!!) and attacked the boxes. I got 17 new toys. 17!!! Eli carefully took all of them out of the big boxes of popcorn peanuts and then jumped in. Yes, he will forego fun toys in favor of big boxes and popcorn peanuts. I could sooooo save money on toys! Anyway, by the end of the afternoon, my floor was covered in popcorn peanuts. What's even worse is that Eli was guarding all entrances to the family room because he didn't want us walking on the foam and squishing it. I was exiled to the living room.

During this time, I called my husband three times asking when he was coming home because mommy desperately needed a nap. I got answers like "I'll be home early," or "Soon" or "I'm leaving in just a few minutes." Uh-huh. He got home at 5:00. Grrrr. . .

I was quickly losing patience. I stopped to check my e-mail and saw one from my friend Heather #1 (you remember Heather, right? If not, see the August archive for some of the wedding blogs). A friend of hers was in labor and she wanted to know what to get for a baby gift. I immediately called and left her a message about my wonderful array of Discovery Toys - perfect for all ages.

Now, here is the bad part. It just occurred to me that Heather's birthday was two days ago. And I forgot. And I just called to hit her up to buy toys and didn't even mention the words "Happy Birthday." And it was her 30th birthday. I am a horrible, horrible friend. I truly suck. I couldn't even bring myself to call back and say, "I forgot to wish you a happy birthday," because I was so utterly and completely ashamed. She is one of my best friends, and I can't even remember her freaking birthday (which I blame on lack of sleep). I now need to take her out and buy her lots and lots of drinks.

As if that weren't bad enough, we sat down to dinner after Eric got home, and Eli picked up a very full glass of ice cold water and spilled it all over me. Christ. I literally had to close my eyes and count to 10. I knew it was an accident, and my poor baby looked like he was about to cry. I asked him to get a towel, and we cleaned up the water. Then I ate my spaghetti, which was drenched in ice cold water. yummy.

After all that, I had to put Georgia down for a nap because she was exhausted. It was 6:45. I knew I was going to be in big trouble. I took this opportunity to lie down, too. Yes, I was fully intending to go to bed at 7:00 tonight. Sue me. Unfortunately, over the next two hours the phone rang eight f*cking times! Someone out there hates me. I got up and gave up all ideas of sleep. It is now 11:00, I am exhausted, blogging, and I hear Georgia on the baby monitor. She is awake. Double crap.

Willpower . . . schmillpower

I have no willpower. None whatsoever. I’m just going to say that up front. I think I got the lack of willpower from my mom’s side of the family. Thanks, mom. Mom’s mad at me right now anyway because I informed her today that she is having a Discovery Toys party. The thought of people messing up her house sent her into a tizzy, but it’s the least she could do to support her daughter, right?

Anyway, today was quite a Monday. My house always looks like it has a hangover come Monday morning. After a weekend of relaxing (i.e. not picking up), the house basically looks like it threw up Toys R Us. You are taking your life into your hands attempting to walk across the floor.

After looking at my family room this morning, I just wanted to climb back into bed. But I began picking up the remnants of Hurricane Eli, and then he woke up. He ran into the family room and said the words that every mother dreads first thing on a Monday. “Mommy, I had an accident.” Oh double crap.

I checked, and sure enough, his pants were dripping, as were his sheets. We had to take a break from toy clean-up duty to change from the urine-soaked Nemo sheets to the dry Sesame Street sheets. The whole time Eli was running around the house naked after stripping off his wet jammies. Georgia was chasing him. Squealing.

Needless to say after that, I was ready for a break. Luckily, I had a girls’ night scheduled with Stacey and Andrea. We have to figure out a girls’ night that does not involve food. I was fretting today over how tight my jeans were getting. I was so busy over the summer, I didn’t have time to focus on taking off that baby weight. Yes, I realize my daughter is 15 months old, but just play along.

After I agonized over my tight jeans, I went off to meet the girls. At Cheeseburger in Paradise. Has anyone tried this place? The have the best f***ing hamburgers in the known universe. And for dessert? Chocolate Nachos! Oh yeah, baby! Heaven on a good day wishes it could be as good as the Chocolate Nachos at Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Did I mention that I have no willpower at all!! I have to stop this. I am such a foodie. I wake up every day full of good intentions, but by noon, I am hungry. Those good intentions go out the window when faced with a growling stomach and a big bag of peanut M&M’s.

Maybe I should try Weight Watchers again. Except Weight Watchers scares me. Every time I have started Weight Watchers, I get pregnant and have to quit. I realize that I had my tubes tied, but if I start Weight Watchers, I will be one of those women you hear about on the news whose tubal ligation failed, and I magically conceived quintuplets.

No, I need a diet plan that won’t fail. Maybe I should join Julie over at Flip This Body. Is Flip This Blog That Mommy too long of a blog title? Hmmmm . . .

Discovery Toys

Well, it happened. One of those direct marketing opportunities finally roped me in persuaded me to join. Over the last few years, people have urged me to be a consultant for the following products: Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Tupperware, Tastefully Simple, Premiere Jewelry, some other sort of jewelry, some sort of candles, Passion Parties, and now Discovery Toys. I finally caved.

I got the usual schpeel about how much money you can make, but the big clincher on this one is that I finally found products that I believe in enough to sell. I know you can make a lot of money selling this stuff. The lady on the instructional video says so! But I am not going to sell a box of beer bread mix for $8, when I can buy flour, sugar and beer and make 20 loaves for $5. I mean, come on! (If you sell Tastefully Simple products, please ignore this reference.)

If you live near me, I am now the semi-annoying woman Discovery Toys Educational Consultant who will hit you up to have a party. Unless you are my really close friends. My close friends know that I have already scheduled their parties for them.

Seriously, I love to have those damn parties. Some people really despise them, but I love them. Why? Because I love party food. I am a foodie! I love going to these things and finding snacky, munchy dips and crackers and little desserty food. It is heaven. That may be one of the secret reasons I joined. Just don’t tell my husband that.

If you don’t live near me, you can shop on my Web site 24/7. I’m sure that’s where all my dear readers will do their Christmas shopping, right? www.discoverytoyslink.com/neila. The fun Discovery Toys logo at the right is also a link to my site.

So, cross your fingers for me. I am hoping this little venture goes well. I’ve always been curious to see if I can make enough money at a direct marketing job to pay off a credit card. That is my goal! I’m a little concerned that the fact that I hate speaking in front of people might make this a little difficult. But I look at it as facing my fear! And hopefully, most party goers will have the sense enough to serve wine.

Most importantly, there is a huge benefit for my blog readers. Think of the kick-ass stories I am going to have meeting new people. I know there are tons of freaky, nutty whackadoos out there. Hopefully, they will want to have Discovery Toys parties. And I will blog about them. Woo hoo!

To see the salesy side of my Discovery Toys schpeel, you can visit my Money Making Planet blog. (BTW, is schpeel actually a word? If not, I have just proclaimed it as a word. Please try to use it at least five times today.)