The Brush

Okay, rarely do I buy make-up. I have to get the dermatology-tested stuff or my face breaks out, and I always wait until I’m completely out because that shit is expensive, and I hate to spend the money. Not only that, but I refuse to buy make-up unless I’m getting a free bonus. Dude! I have to take out a loan to buy eye shadow – a "free bonus" is the least they could do!

I have been out of powder for a week and a half waiting on a damn bonus. Finally, this week, Clinique was having a bonus. Finally.

I dropped Eli off at preschool, and Georgia and I headed to the mall to wait in line at the Clinique counter. Chipper, perky Lois came to help me, and fetched my powder, while telling me that I was only $3 away from the bonus. Of course I was. You had to spend $21.50 to get the bonus, and my powder was $18.50.

Before I could say anything, Lois had an inspiration. “I know!” she shouted. "You need a powder brush." Well, f*ck me. How did I ever live without a powder brush? Lois pulled out a very large powder brush (pictured at right), took off my glasses and began dabbing powder all over my face. I said, “Okay, that is nice.”

She went over to the register to ring it up, while I asked, “How much is the brush?”

Lois said, “Oh, it’s only $30.”

Cough. Cough. WHAT?!! “$30?!” I screamed. “For a brush?! Are you freaking kidding me?!” She explained how that was such a great deal because at the Estee Lauder counter they charge $40.

Well, guess what, Lois, I’m not planning to buy a brush over there either. Let’s all say it together now – Wal-Mart!

I kindly explained that if I spent $30 on a make-up brush, my husband would beat me with it. She said, “But Mother’s Day is coming up!” Uh-huh. And if my husband buys me a $30 make-up brush for Mother’s Day, I’ll beat him with it.

Since I was only $3 away from the bonus, not $30, I asked if they sold anything for $3, to which Lois replied, “Uhhhh . . . no.” *sigh*

I ended up with eye shadow . . . for $13. That was at least somewhat closer. Then, Lois informed me that I was now only $3 away from the big bonus. Apparently, I would get a free bag. I just glared at her. “Well, I’m just saying. . .” she said.

I bid adieu to Lois and left her with my Passion Parties business card. When I told Eric that, he was incredulous. He couldn’t believe I had left her with a business card.

“Why not,” I asked. “She obviously knows how to upsell.”