Monday, December 11, 2006

The Santa Experience


That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it? Every year, it’s an unwritten rule that you have to take your kids to see Santa. Eli has been asking before Thanksgiving, and since we are running out of time, we figured we had better just do it. We waited until Sunday night because we figured it would be less busy. It actually wasn’t too bad. I think there were about ten families in front of us as opposed to about 50 families in front of us last year. We were off to a good start. I should have known better.

When you get there, they have a maze of roped-off poles surrounding Santa. It’s like the freaking lines at DisneyWorld. You have to zigzag your way through to get to Santa. Since they weren’t horribly busy, we zigzagged all the way toward the front of the maze and began trying to decide which ridiculously priced photo package we were going to buy this year. That was when this bitchy little elf woman came over and said, “Excuse me, ma’am (grrrrrr). You need to move your stroller off to the side so we can condense the line.”

Condense the line?!! I looked around. There was no one behind me!! Before I said “Are you freaking kidding me?” Elf woman tromped off back to her little photo station.

When we go to the mall, we are blessed with very little “good” Georgia time. She doesn’t like being strapped into the stroller, but it is really the only way to attempt to contain her. Now, we had to take her out of the stroller and I had to wind my way back through the maze of ropes and chains to park it off to the side. So, now the line that was somewhat short seemed to move much more slowly when we tried to keep control of an 18-month-old who desperately wanted to run free.

Eric tried to hold her. Needless to say, screaming and crying ensued. By the time it was our turn, things were snowballing downhill at a rapid pace. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to get downright bitchy with the elf people. I figured karma might come back to bite me in the ass if I made an elf cry. So, I kept my mouth shut. They lucked out. The smarmy little bastards.

We sat both kids on Santa’s lap, and tried to get them to look somewhere near the camera. Georgia took one look at Santa and burst into tears. She sat there the whole time crying with her arms outstretched to me or Eric. Eli didn’t want to look at the camera because he was way too interested in telling Santa that he wants bath crayons, Play-Doh and a juicer for Christmas. (Don’t even ask.)

We finally went with the photo pictured above because Eli actually has a decent smile on his face, and it’s the only one of Georgia that didn’t look like she was desperately trying to escape. A winner!

Eli finished talking to Santa, and we went over to pay. They had a big sign up that said they were out of $1 bills, quarters, and dimes. Ooookaaaay. Why didn’t they just put up a sign that said they couldn’t make change?

To top it all off, Santa gives out candy canes every year. Every freaking year since we have had Eli, he has gotten a candy cane. Today, when Eli was being mean to his sister, we used that as a threat. “You better be good, or Santa won’t give you a candy cane.”

Well, guess what? Santa wasn’t giving out any f***ing candy canes this year. He was giving out little books. Eli was pissed. He wanted his candy cane, and we had to hear about it all the way home. Personally, I think Santa and the wicked little elves have formed a conspiracy against the parents this year. No strollers. No candy canes. And no freaking change. Perfect. Combine that with a huge line of screaming, impatient children, and that should just about send all the parents over the edge.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

9 comments:

Peanut said...

it's such a cute picture! Too bad georgia was in a bad mood. it would have been funny if she had kicked santa....

-Peanut

Skittles said...

Ya know.. I think I have a lot of pictures from my kids growing up over the years. What's up with the juicer?

maggie said...

I like the picture with the pouty face. Then you can always remember she hated Santa. LOL.

Santa and the elves make me mad too. Every year when the kids where smaller we would visit Santa a few times. I would usually bring my own camera and snap a few snapshots that where not "posed" if the line wasn't long. Last year the elf yelled at me. NO CAMERAS ALLOWED. Whats up with that. Their pictures don't always capture the real story. I always buy a little something and take my own pictures too. No I can't. Monopoly on Santa

slackermommy said...

Tis the season! I actually like the pouty crying Santa photos. It gives a sick pleasure to torture my children in this way.

Morgen said...

The fact that Eli hasn't given up on the juicer makes me laugh like a bowl full of jello!
I HATE it when businesses write "we need fives" or change or whatever.
Hello -- send a frickin' elf to the grocery store and get some change.
Or better yet, PLAN AHEAD and get some effin change when the banks are open...
And what's up with not giving out candy canes? A conspiracy, that's for sure!!!
Ho ho ho
mo

Momish said...

Every picture of me until I was about 10 years old has me screaming my head off in utter fear! The sad thing about it? Every year, just prior to sitting on the smelly stranger's lap, I actually looked forward to seeing Santa! Sounds like you had the typical nightmare visit. (but it still is a cute picture)

P.S. Slakermommy, you kill me, you really do!

Peanut said...

the santa at diney is o.k., because I would hope that Disney would do background checks on people who work there... Mall santas always creep me out. They always smell a little like booze. Not that I would know what booze smells like, but....

Sparky Duck said...

Yea, but that is one fine looking Santa. Though I must admit that I didnt look forward to the Santa picture as a child either. Now, the Santa on the Fire Truck? I still go outside to see it in all its glory

Sadie said...

I love that he wants a juicer.