Friday, March 28, 2008

Black Knees and Canker Sores

Okay, I’m getting my mommy lies messed up. I really need to make a list of all the things my mom told me when I was a kid, but unfortunately I don’t remember all of her little quips until presented with the situation and then they come flying out of my mouth.

For example, if I catch Eli eating brown sugar, I automatically say, “That will give you worms.” before I can even stop myself.

Today, Eli was complaining that the tip of his tongue hurt. Without hesitation I said, “That means you told a lie.” Why the hell do I do this? Because of my mom!!

Eli gasped and clutched his mouth. “NO, I DIDN’T!”

I said, “Well, your Nanny always told me that if I had a sore on my tongue it was because I told a lie.”

So Eli ran to the bathroom to look at his tongue. Sure enough, there was a tiny sore on the end of it.

He came back in and said, “Well, I do have a sore on my tongue, but I haven’t been lying.” Then he lifted up his pant legs and said, “See? My knees aren’t black.”

That one took me a second. Then I smiled and said, “No, honey. Your knees turn black if you drink too much coffee. You get a sore on your tongue if you tell a lie.”

He just said, “Oh.”

I seriously need to stop this.


Desert Songbird said...

OMG. I find myself saying stuff my mom used to say to me, and I always think to myself, "WhyTF did I say that?!"

Donna said...

My mom used to tell me if I crossed my eyes, they'd freeze like that. Oh, and my grandma said a sore on the tongue meant you had been peeing in the middle of the road. There's one for you.

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Sandee (Comedy +) said...

So, what you are saying is you turned into your mom? This had me laughing out loud. What a great story, You know you could write a great book just about the funny things that happen in your household. Heck, I'd buy it for the laughs. Have a great weekend. :)

onangelwings said...

Bwwaaahhhh that is too funny.

Mo said...

This was hilarious.
I've never heard of "if your tongue hurts" you've told a lie.
You crack me up.

Anonymous said...

thanks for today's chuckle. I actually tolk my brother that eating green beans would give him curly hair. Wasn't that breadcrusts instead?

I know just what you mean!

Anais Nin said...

My mom used to tell me things like if I used my thumb to push my food onto my fork that whatever food I pushed would eventually grow out of my thumb. Or if the sun was shining and rain was falling "the devil is beating his wife". I know. Weird, right?