Now before anyone sends me hate mail, let me just say that I love many of these children’s shows. However after watching them repetitively as my children do, I sometimes want to stab myself in the eyes with a ballpoint pen.
1. SpongeBob Squarepants – Dude, it’s really not funny. I seriously don’t get it.
3. Max and Ruby – I swear, Ruby’s voice is that of the devil. Max needs to bitch slap her something fierce.
4. Wayside – The Wayside School is 30 stories high with one classroom on each floor. And there doesn’t seem to be an elevator. And the logistics of this seem to bother no one but me.
5. Little Bear – Okay, Little Bear’s parents wear clothes, and so do some of his friends. So why the hell does Little Bear run around naked? It’s a question for the ages.
6. Franklin – Have you seen Franklin and The Turtle Lake Treasure? It’s about Franklin’s grandma and how her parents died in a fire when she was a little girl. Any kid’s show that makes me cry REALLY pisses me off!
7. Ni Hao Kai-lan – I already have Georgia running around speaking Spanish because of Dora. Now she’s running around spouting Chinese. That’s a little more than I can handle. At least with Spanish, I know what the heck she’s saying.
8. Wow Wow Wubbzy – Georgia loves this show. The problem is that I think they only made about 10 episodes, and they show them over and over and over and over again.
9. Yo Gabba Gabba – Don’t get me started.
10. Teletubbies – When Eli was younger, I had to go through this phase with him. Now Georgia is into the Teletubbies and I am fighting the urge to take them all out with an assault rifle.
11. Dora the Explorer – I think Georgia will forever be in love with Dora. The problem is that now she keeps imitating Swiper The Fox. She likes to hide my stuff and say things like, “You’ll never see your phone now! Heh! Heh! Heh!” Yeah. That’s not cool.
12. Oobi – It’s a FREAKING HAND!!!!!
13. The Wonder Pets – A guinea pig, a turtle and a duckling board their flying toy sailboat, complete with marker caps for rocket exhausts, and go save animals. It’s a cute concept that I think I could buy if it were animated, but the photo-puppetry makes it a little too bizarre.