Potty Mouth

I realize that I don’t have the best language in the world, but I pride myself on the fact that I can really control it in front of my children. Apparently, I do a very poor job of that as was illustrated yesterday.

Eli, who is now 4, was getting his fingerpaints out of the cabinet, when he knocked a stack of napkins down. He said, “Those f*cking things are always getting in my way!” I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him. “What did you just say?” I asked.

Blink. Blink. “Um. Nothing.” Uh-huh. I told him that he really needed to watch his language, and was still hoping at that point that I had misheard him.

Not five minutes later, Georgia began playing with her stuffed dog that plays “Love Machine.” Eli was trying to watch Caillou, and he was not happy that Georgia was making so much noise. He picked up her dog and brought it in the office. He said, “I don’t want this damn dog in the family room!”

Startled, I said, “Eli!! What has gotten into you today?” He just said, “This freaking thing is too loud!”

I immediately snapped into mom mode. I took him by both arms and got right in his face. I said, “Listen to me, young man. You need to think very carefully about the words you choose. You know that some of those words are not appropriate for little boys to use.” His response? *Sigh* “Whatever!”

Oh no, he didn’t!

So I said, “Okay, let’s try it this way. The next time I hear you say a bad word, I am going to wash your mouth out with soap.” Finally! Something got his attention!

“Noooo! I don’t want soap in my mouth!”

“Then you better choose your words carefully.”

That was the end of that, and for the rest of the day we didn’t have any problems. I immediately called Eric at work and told him the situation, asking him “Where the f*ck does Eli pick this up?” In his amused sarcastic tone, Eric said, “Oh gee, I wonder where he gets it?!”

I said, “I do NOT talk that way in front of the children!” Then we lapsed into – “Yes you do.” “No I don’t.” “Yes you do.” “No I don’t.”

He said, “Neila! I have heard you. You may not realize you’re saying it, but you DO say it.”

Well, double crap! I am really trying! And it would be one thing if Eli had just uttered a bad word as if he didn’t know what it meant. But what really upsets me is the fact that he used them in the proper context.

I guess I am really going to have to watch it now. Maybe I should try some sort of shock therapy for every time I say a bad word. Eric is kind enough that he offered to wash my mouth out with soap. He is enjoying this waaaay too much!