The Thursday Thirteen

I’ve seen this done on some other blogs, and I really liked the idea so I thought I would steal . . . er, I mean try it. Basically the Thursday Thirteen can be a list of anything you want. This week, it was easy for me!

Here are the thirteen of the most interesting comments I’ve heard this week. Some of them may sound familiar from previous blog entries:

1. Mommy, are you bringing your keys today? (Uttered by Eli.)
After I locked us out of the house twice in one week, Eli now feels the need to ask me this every time we leave the house. I’ve decided to find it amusing.

2. Be tough. Shake it off! (Uttered by a crazy soccer mom.)
I’m sorry, but these children are three and four years old. This little girl ran over to her mother crying because she hurt her leg, and this was her mother’s response! I had to bite my lip! She’s four!!! She’s not supposed to be tough. Hell, I cry when I hurt my leg, and I’m 34! I felt a strong urge to give this mother a pop in the nose and then tell her to shake it off.

3. I thought it was a puppy! (Uttered by a crazy soccer mom.)
Georgia sidled up next to a woman during soccer practice yesterday, apparently startling the lady. When she looked down, this was her response. I’m sorry, but did you just compare my daughter to a dog?!!!

4. Is Ellie here? (Uttered by two soccer coaches – British and American.)
I pity society when an adult cannot pronounce a three-letter word! E-L-I. It’s not that freaking difficult!

5. Apparently, Georgia just wants to lick all the dirty balls. (Uttered by yours truly.)
We were at a birthday party on Sunday, and all the kids were playing in the sandbox. Georgia picked up every single ball, licked it, and put it back down. When I voiced my observation, all conversation stopped. Everyone looked at me, but no one said anything. I think they all wanted to pretend they didn’t have a dirty mind. Eric winked at me. I KNOW what he was thinking!

6. Authorization required. (Uttered by numerous machines at Wal-Mart.)
In my previous blog, I stated how I had to practically go through a cavity check to buy Dayquil. Well, today I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of items, and went through self-check again. (I really need to stop doing that!) The damn machine started beeping incessantly (again!), and I didn’t even buy anything questionable! This time I tracked down an employee to fix it. I have to give credit to the Wal-Mart employees – they remain calm and nice no matter how much a crazy woman is yelling.

7. I need you to calm me down. (Uttered by Heather.)
Or I should say, uttered by Heather numerous times over the last week. Yesterday, I thought her head was going to explode when the salon doing our (Heather, Amy and myself) make-up and nails called to cancel because the salon was closing early. It was then a mad rush to get in someplace else, but we did it. Wedding crisis #437 averted!

8. Are you over 18? (Uttered by a Wal-Mart cashier when I tried to buy Dayquil.)
Christ Almighty, if I had tried to buy beer, I think they would have called 911!

9. Eli, come back! (Uttered by soccer coach Derek.)
Each soccer lesson lasts an hour. Unfortunately, my son’s attention span only lasts about 25 minutes on a good day. Today, the coach set up cones for the kids to practice kicking goals. Eli was not impressed. He picked up his ball, and carried it to the real goal at the end of the field. As the coach was hollering for him to come back, about three other kids decided to follow him.

10. Eli, don’t throw the ball! (Uttered by soccer coach Derek.)
Apparently, Eli got bored with kicking the ball, and decided to start throwing it in the air as high as he could. I wasn’t complaining. I was just happy he wasn’t chucking it at someone’s head. Again, once he started this behavior, three other kids decided to do it too. My son – the trend setter!

11. That’s my son lying down in the middle of the field. (Uttered by a crazy soccer mom.)
Thank God! There is a child in soccer whose attention span is shorter than Eli’s. I think this kid was only good for about five minutes before he decided to lie on the ground and roll himself into a ball.

12. Can I be Sportacus (from Lazy Town) for Halloween? (Uttered by my husband.)

Need I say more?

13. I have a headache and have used the word “c*cksucker” at least 13 times this week. (Uttered today by Heather.)
T minus two days and counting until her wedding.