Quest for cold medicine

T minus four days and counting until the wedding, and right on schedule, everyone in the house is starting to come down with a cold or something involving drippy noses and hacking coughs. With Eli, I’m convinced his allergies are acting up, and his Zyrtec prescription is not doing a darn thing except make him drowsy and cranky. Georgia is working on another tooth (this will be #5), and is chewing on anything she can get her mouth around. The other day she came after my big toe. And let me tell you, those four teeth hurt when they chomp down on your toe! Her teething is complete with runny nose and drool. I’ve affectionately started calling her “Drippy Face.”

My day is full enough with the kids and their allergies/teething issues. To add to the craziness, my husband came home from work yesterday and said, “I feel mucousy.” Oh crap! The last thing we need is Eric getting sick, so I decided it would be best to run to the store and get some cold medicine. We’re fans of Nyquil and Dayquil in our house, and we were out of Dayquil. The Wal-Mart grocery store is about five minutes from our house (10 with the ongoing road construction), so it should only have taken me a few minutes.

When I got to the store, I picked up a couple of lunchables for Eli, some veggies for Georgia, some chocolate chip cookies for me (because I’m PMSing) and then I went to the Health section to grab the Dayquil liquicaps.

I’m not sure what the laws are in each state, but in Kansas, anything with pseudophedrine in it is locked away in a safe and they need your fingerprints, your grandmother’s maiden name and a urine sample before they will give it to you. Apparently, you can make meth out of pseudophedrine, so they keep it locked away so it won’t get stolen. This gets very annoying, especially because people usually need medicine when they are sick, cranky, tired, or in a hurry. Or with my luck, it’s too late and the pharmacy will be closed (that’s what happened last time).

I’m not one to pay full price for the real Dayquil liquicaps, so I always buy the generic version, as I’m sure many of you on a budget also do. I plucked up the little card and went over to the pharmacy where I had to wait in line. When it was finally my turn, the pharmacist took my card and disappeared behind some shelves. I waited . . . and waited. Then she reappeared empty-handed and retrieved another pharmacist. There was whispering and they both disappeared behind the shelves. I waited some more and tried craning my neck to see what the heck was taking so long.

They finally reappeared – empty-handed. She kindly tells me, “I think we must be out. Let me go check on the shelf.” Off she went to where I just came from, and quickly returned with the stack full of cards like the one I just picked up. “I’m sorry ma’am.” (Have I mentioned how much I hate it when people call me ma’am?) “This product has been discontinued.” Are you kidding me?! I asked who in their right mind would discontinue Dayquil. She informed me that Dayquil wasn’t discontinued but the generic version of it was. This is just another instance of the Man keeping us down. In this case, the Man is obviously the head of a pharmaceutical company.

The pharmacist offered up the regular Dayquil, but I told her I wasn’t spending a gazillion dollars on it. She then offered me the generic liquid version. This basically tastes like drinking a cupful of urine spiked with alcohol. But it was only $2.50, so I decided to get it. They proceeded to take my driver’s license and type in every piece of information on it, and had me sign two different authorizations before they would hand it over!

Finally, I took the Dayquil and my groceries up to the register to pay. Because after all that, I still hadn’t actually purchased it! Since I only had about five items, I opted for the self-check lane. I love the self-check lane because the fewer people you have to deal with, the better. I got up there, scanned the Dayquil, and the stupid machine beeped at me incessantly, flashing “Authorization required!” Oh, come on!!!! It took almost 15 minutes just to get my hands on the damn stuff.

I looked around for the 16-year-old store manager, but there was no one. The regular lines were busy, and the “managers” were busy helping customers who took the time to wait in a real line. Double crap. I grabbed my Dayquil and got in a regular line behind a woman who didn’t have very much. Big mistake! After the woman purchased her items on two separate tickets (apparently her fruit can’t be on the same ticket as her hairspray), she pulled out a check book. Ugh! Who writes a check anymore?! Processing a check takes about as long as getting Dayquil at the pharmacy.

When it was finally my turn, the man scans my purchases, and scans the Dayquil last. His machine started beeping at him. He gave me a very stern expression, and asked, “Are you over 18?” Are you fu**ing kidding me?!!! I just about leapt across the register at him. I just stared at him and said, “Do I look younger than 18?” Apparently, he easily confuses a 34-year-old soccer mom (Oh God – I really AM a soccer mom!) with a 17-year-old meth addict.

He finally rang me through, and I took my purchases and sprinted out the door. When I got back home, Eric said, “What took so long?” Oh, don’t start with me, pretty boy. I just handed him the Dayquil and informed him that I am never buying cold medicine again.