Hillbilly Kansas

naked statue
Originally uploaded by neila222.

Before I became panic-stricken due to my computer performing the death freeze, I was planning to write about our weekend out of town. Eric’s cousin Tim got married over the weekend, and while I could write several blogs focusing on the car ride alone (the 6 ½ hour car ride with two cranky children), I’ll try not to dwell on it.

The drive down actually wasn’t that bad. We took the kids to Gymboree Friday morning so they would be appropriately worn out by the time we stuck them in the car. When Eli woke up, we shoved the portable DVD player at him, so all in all, the drive didn’t suck.

We were staying in Phillipsburg, Kansas at the Mark V. This alone was an experience. The population of Phillipsburg is about 2500, and the town has two motels. We chose the Mark V because it was $10 cheaper than the other motel in town. And I admire their gumption. There is a statue of a naked woman in front of the motel (see photo) that apparently created mass controversy when they put it up. And I do love controversy.

I had called ahead to see if they had any rooms with refrigerators because I was bringing milk for the baby. They amusingly said “No.” It was a simple no, but I could tell they were on the verge of sarcasm and really wanted to say, “Yes, we cater to all the hunters and woodsmen in Western Kansas by providing mini bars and jacuzzis in every room.” It’s probably what I would have said.

Originally uploaded by neila222.

My favorite part about the room had to be the sign over the sink. Luckily, I left my birds at home.

The first night we didn’t sleep at all because Georgia’s teething has caused an excess amount of slobber, which translated into a cough. On Saturday, before the reception, we went in search of infant cough medicine (Tylenol cough and cold) so we could give it to her before bed. There were only two options – Alco (think small-town Wal-mart) and the grocery store. I don’t remember the name, but I’m pretty sure the word Wilderness was in the title. At Alco, they had nothing! Off we went to the grocery store. Again, no infant medicine. Either they don’t believe in drugging their babies out there or they are practicing natural selection.

Our trek for cough medicine made us late for the reception. When we drove up, we discovered that all 2500 residents in Phillipsburg plus a few out-of-towners were in attendance. The reception was being held at the Armory, and the garage doors were open, so people could roam in and out. People, flies and mosquitoes, that is. At one point, Eric was accosted by a mob of mosquitoes on his face, so I went up and slapped him. Before he could register the shock, I slapped him again to get rid of the remaining mosquito.

After wishing I had searched Wilderness Market for bug spray, I noticed the “keg.” It wasn’t actually a keg. It was a beer wagon. I have never seen one of these, and it was impressive. It was literally the size of a police paddy wagon, and had two spigots on the side to pour your beer. Someone told me it held six kegs of beer and they were planning to drink it all week. Those people from Western Kansas know how to party.

I began enjoying the free beer, as did my brother-in-law, who couldn’t seem to stop singing the theme from Mickey Mouse Playhouse. And we began watching the kids spin around. We led the kids on the Wedding March, which is truly something everyone should dance to at least once. Then came the Chicken Dance, the Hokey Pokey, and the Electric Slide. As I stated in a previous blog, I have learned to accept the fact that I suck at the Electric Slide. Unfortunately, I learned this weekend that I am good at the Macarena. (!!!)

Georgia enjoyed the dancing so much and loved it when I kept twirling her around. Our girl timing was perfectly in sync because as soon as I handed her off to daddy, he spun her around once, and she threw up milk and wedding cake all over him. I guess she had reached her twirling limit. But when you dance so much you throw up, doesn’t that make it a successful party?

We took the kids back to the hotel around 10:00 and tried desperately to get them calmed down from the sugar rush of cake and punch so they would fall asleep. Eli doesn’t do well with the lights off, so I slept with him. I discovered that he tries to shove me out of bed just as vehemently as his father, and his elbows are sharper. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.

I was very glad to get home to my own bed on Sunday night. I will chronicle the drive home in a later blog. It involves a downpour, lightning, ice cream and my family’s severe addiction to Dunkin Donuts, which I’ve decided must be laced with crack.