Thursday, June 21, 2007

13 Reasons I Can't Sleep

I usually don’t have a problem getting to sleep, but in my house, it is impossible to stay asleep! Here are a few reasons why!

1. The cats. I always have a glass of water on my bed at night. Not only do the cats try do drink it, but they usually climb on my head and step on my hair to get to it. On those special occasions, they even knock the glass over and break it.

2. The birds. There is an insomniac bird that lives outside my window. I’m all for animal rights and anti-violence, but at 4 a.m. I wish I had a BB gun.

3. Lady of the night. The lady who lives next door to me leaves at all hours of the night, and she always slams her damn car door. I think she’s a whore. And I really need to quit sleeping with my windows open.

4. Eli. The boy NEVER wants to go to sleep. At midnight last night, I was tempted to bolt his door shut so he would stay in his room.

5. Georgia. Lately around 2 a.m., Georgia wakes up in a screaming terror. She needs to come in bed with us until she calms down. Unfortunately by the time I get her back to sleep, I am wide awake.

6. The Cats. Again. The little f*ckers like to play king of the hill on the bed in the middle of the night. Besides the WWE Smackdown taking place at the foot of the bed, Coconut has this meowing “howl” that he does when he gets pissed. It’s LOUD!

7. Road construction. The two houses across the street from us have gotten new driveways in the last week. Those damn construction guys start EARLY! Do you have ANY idea how loud it is to break up an old driveway? I DO!!

8. Weather radio. Eric has one of these damn things. If there is the slightest hint of rain within a 500-radius, the f*cking thing starts its shrill alarm. It’s usually at night, and it’s usually often! And it doesn’t have a f*cking volume control!

9. Nightmares. Last night, I fell asleep while checking my email and then dreamt that there was a baby crying outside my door and there was a serial killer on the loose. Dude! Sidenote: Don’t send me forwards!

10. I forget to turn the TV off. Sometimes I forget to turn the sleep timer on. It’s REALLY annoying to wake up at 3:30 a.m. to Married With Children reruns.

11. Telephone. My friend Andrea seems to think I’m a vampire. Quit calling me at midnight! Although sadly because of number 4, I’m usually up.

12. Snoring. Not mine, my husband’s. He snores like a bull moose and blames it on his allergies. I think he’s working with the children and the cats on trying to drive me insane.

13. Temperature. I’m usually freezing when I go to bed, and I wake up sweating by 2 a.m. It’s ridiculous. That's usually why I get up, open the window, and hear the hooker next door. I can’t win.


Wacky Mommy said...

"I think she’s a whore. And I really need to quit sleeping with my windows open."


Anonymous said...

I do the same thing with the tv. Scary.

Happy TT! Mine is up as well!


Milan - zzz said...

I have problem with birds as well (since I live almost in the wood and I'm going in bed around 4-5 am you can imagine what orchestra I have. In the meanwhile dogs of my neighbors are chatting so that BB gun sounds great! (and I'm a vet and member of NGO for Animal Rights!)


Sadie said...

You are seriously the funniest person in the world.

Might I suggest using a water bottle on your nightstand? I had to do that with a water-drinking cat.

Also, a sound machine?

My husband snored (he miraculously stopped) and I used ear plugs, but I guess you can't do that with your little ones.

Lindsay said...

all at my house too!
but add a over sized dog and a baby monitor with constant music

Desert Songbird said...

Sounds like Georgia has night terrors. My daughter had them from ages 2.5 through 5. Nothing you can do but ride them out.

Of course, you could try Ambien...(for you, not her!)

Crazy Working Mom said...

I'm with ya on the kiddos...they always seem to wake me up several times in the night. Hubby snores (he's supposed to wear a mask for sleep apnea). I think as a wife and a mommy, you should just expect little to no sleep, hmmm?!

YoungMommy said...

I don't think I've had a good night sleep in, well probably 7 years... My reasons: kids, kids, and babies!!

Fun list! Mine's up, too... My twins helped me this week. :)

Donna said...

You are missing a great opportunity here. Get acquainted with the hooker next door. She'd be a great customer for your Passion Party products!

My son (now 40) used to have bad dreams. They usually involved either robbers or bears, often in his closet. His little voice would be quivering with fear when he tried to tell me about them. I'd have to get up, go to his room and prove to him nothing was in his closet or under his bed or outside his window.

He still remembers the dreams and the awful fear.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

Your list is great, so funny! The whore next door, birds, cats, kids...I can relate to the last three, no whore next door luckily! hehe We do have pigeons that seem to have decided to next on the little roof outside our bedroom window and I could kill those f***ers too when they decide to make noises at 4am that sound like noises people make during sex!

Sparky Duck said...

wow, some people just cant accept whores in there neighborhood. Hows 50's of you ;)

The cats and the newspaper guy are the biggest bains of my sleeping existence myself

Starrlight said...

Oh cats....I totally get that one. I only have one but lately he has become so chatty!

Angela Giles Klocke said...

I wish I had a list of reasons to blame for not being able to sleep. Instead, I gots nuttin'!

Lady Rose said...

I can sleep through anything (I even slept through an earthquake in Egypt while on vacation) but my problem now that I'm older I just dont' stay asleep -- I wake up about 2 a.m. (hit the bathroom) then my brain starts working over time and I end up puttering around or blogging. Lady Rose

sam said...

LOL @ i think she's a whore!!!

Nicki Mann said...

Whoa, that's enough to make ANYONE an insomniac! You could use a waterbottle instead of a glass so your cats won't drink it or break it (Thats what I do); wear earplugs to tune out the crazy noises; force your cats to stay awake all day so they know what it feels like to have your sleep cycle disrupted; and hire SuperNanny to come help your kids learn to sleep through the night. (She'll probably make them a really cool behavior chart, give them stickers, and play tag with them in the yard.)

Jamie said...

We share way to many wake up calls. I sleep on my side and one cat has decided that once I fall asleep, he can climb up, rest his head on my shoulder and purr in my ear.... very very odd.

mar said...

You need a plastic cup for your water... :)
wishing you a good night sleep tonight!
happy thirteening!

Drew said...

Maybe you should start taking a bottle of water to bed instead of a cup. Then the cats can't drink it and who cares if they knock it over. #3 is funny.

Desert Songbird said...

Come visit me. I have something for you.

The Ice Box

tegdirb92 said...

I laughed very hard at your 13 things...(although I don't participate). Wishing for some sleep for you!!

Travis said...

My insomnia is bad enough, but I'm usually asleep between 3 and 5am.

That is, until my cat discovered that there are two kitties living next door. They spent an hour chatting the other morning.

Mr Tucker has that deep throated howl too. Nice.

Sunrunner said...

We had to start using covered pastic cups for water next to our bed, or actually anywhere we had water near us. Luckily, if the cats get too rambunctious during the night, the dog steps in and barks ONCE (she NEVER barks). That stops that. For my kids, I finally laid down the law that on holidays, days off, and weekends the kids MUST stay in their rooms until 7:30 a.m. Not all my kids want to get up at 6 a.m. like my oldest...

Hang in there!

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