1. Movie Critic – I’m opinionated and I like to see movies for free. I think that makes me qualified!
2. Nail Polish Namer – I have nail polish named “Espresso Yourself” and “3 Plums I Win.” Wouldn’t it be fun to come up with those names?
3. Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Tester – I would also accept a position with Haagen Dazs.
4. Neilson Family – Do these people get paid? If so, count me in!
5. Chocolate Tester – Preferably Ghirardelli, but I’m open.
6. Hit Woman – Only if I could limit it to the bastards who cut me off in traffic.
7. Vanna White – Remember when she actually had to work by turning the letters? Apparently, that was too strenuous because now she just has to touch the letters for them to light up. Dude! I want that job!
8. American Idol Judge – Maybe I can take Paula’s place. She looks like she’s on the edge of a severe mental breakdown.
9. Entertainment Blogger – Okay, I have actually applied for these jobs. I think my problem is that I should have started doing this 6 or 7 years ago. How much money do you think Perez Hilton makes?
10. Cruise Director – The Looooove Boat! Soon you’ll be making another run. The Love Boat! Promises something for everyone . . .
11. Princess/Heiress – Better than a movie star – you’re rich and famous, and you can do absolutely nothing!
12. Greeting Card Writer – I actually applied for this job with Hallmark years ago, but I didn’t get it. I think I was a little too edgy for them.
13. Back-Up Singer - I can du-wop with the best of them! And who doesn't remember the episode of Happy Days where Joanie almost left home to join a band!