My Wit's End

The last couple of days have been hellish. Georgia has officially entered the terrible twos. She is crazy. I have never seen a child scream and buck at the slightest little thing. Not cool, people. Not. Cool. Today in the car, her head actually spun around. I’m not kidding.

On top of that, she has inherited what I call my mother’s “Shrill.” I remember the Shrill to my mom’s voice vividly from when I was younger. It literally made my eardrums vibrate in protest. Unfortunately, my daughter has it too. Dude! Someone up there has a sick sense of humor.

And did I mention that Georgia has started climbing out of her crib? It happened last Saturday night for the first time. I got home from a Passion Party after the kids were already in bed. She must have heard my voice because before I knew it, we heard her door knob rattling. Two seconds later, she got her door open and ran to me screaming, “GOT YOU!!!” After she realized how easily it was to get out of the crib, she has decided to do it all the time.

So, today started off when I opened the door to Georgia’s room, and she had herself half way out of the crib. I went and snatched her up before she could get to the ground. Her first word to me? “POPSICLE!” I said, “No, we are not having a popsicle for breakfast.” Well, she understands the word ‘No’ and she immediately began crying and trying desperately to throw herself from my arms.

She refused to eat anything after that and kept pointing to the freezer. Grrr. . . That just set the mood. We took Eli to preschool, and I put her in the stroller so I wouldn’t have to chase her. When I took her in, she just smiled as everyone cooed at her, looking like an angelic cross between Krissi Snow and Cindy Lou Hoo. I saw the demonic grin behind those eyes.

When we got in the car, she pointed at the front seat and yelled, “Uuuuh!” Okay, I’m fairly well-versed in baby talk, but for the life of me I could not figure out what she wanted. Whatever it was really pissed her off because it caused her to do the “Shrill” for the next half hour.

I went to Caribou to get coffee and she yelled “DRINK!” I got her a raspberry milk. I’m used to her making a mess. She usually dribbles on herself, but that’s why I get raspberry. Her coat is pink, so it blends. Well today after a few happy sips, she became possessed, let out a yell, and chucked her cup of raspberry milk at me, spilling it all over my car. I don’t know if there is any sort of a record for how far a toddler can chuck a cup of milk, but I’m fairly certain she beat that today. She then screamed all the way home. I left her strapped in and bucking while I got towels and Clorox wipes and attempted to clean out my car.

The child is sleeping now, and I am praying that tomorrow will be a little better. I love her more than my own life, but let me tell you, even though I have had my tubes tied, I might call my gynecologist tomorrow to see if I can go in to have them tied in a double knot.