Tuesday, March 27, 2007


This weekend, we drove down to visit my parents. They live about 200 miles south of here. Any time we can get both kids down and back and maintain our sanity, it is an accomplishment. This weekend tested that. Everyone was fine on the way down, but on the way back, the children decided to go crazy. Georgia started by whipping off her Dora sandals and screaming “Feet! FEET!” This is her way of telling me that she wants me to massage her toes. So I did my reach around arm straining thing and tickled her toes until my arm fell asleep.

When I stopped. she started screaming, and Eric and I thought that was a perfect time for a bathroom break. Plus Eli said he needed to go potty. We stopped at McDonald’s, and I got out to take Eli in to the bathroom. He refused. He was NOT going to the women’s room. Oh crimeny. We all had to go in.

When we finally made it back in the car, we managed to go a few miles before Georgia decided she needed to climb out of her car seat. We pulled over. We cinched that damn car seat up as tight as we could get it and strapped her back in. Now she was really pissed. And screaming. And Eli was screaming at Georgia to stop screaming. Perfect.

By the time she finally calmed herself down, Eli said he needed to go potty. Again. So we stopped. Again. Eric took Eli in, and when Georgia realized she wasn’t getting out of the car, she began screaming bloody murder. Again.

So she and I got out of the car and went inside the gas station. After the boys got out of the bathroom, we decided to get everyone something to drink. Imagine all of us trying to decide what to drink. While we were doing that, the children turned the gas station into their personal playground. At one point we looked over, and Georgia had picked up an apple out of a bin and took a bite out of it. When we got ahold of her, we looked over and saw Eli eating popcorn right out of the popcorn machine. I’m sure the employees were very happy to see us collect our children and leave.

We finally got home in a lot more time than what it should have taken us. This caused Eric to rethink out summer vacation. Originally, we were planning to drive somewhere on the Coast, take the kids to a beach, or possibly drive to the Grand Canyon. We are talking very long car rides. After last weekend’s drive down to Eric’s parents, he decided maybe we should go someplace closer – maybe Lake of the Ozarks. After this weekend’s trip, he decided that maybe we could stay in a nice hotel across town.

We asked the children what they thought. Eli responded with his new talent of making himself burp and laughing hysterically. And Georgia responded by screaming the word “NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!” which is now how she answers every question posed to her.

Yeah. I’m definitely thinking across town. Maybe.


Donna said...

Oh, I think you can make it to Branson, at least.

You think it's bad NOW? Wait until they're teenagers. Even SUICIDE won't help. Trust me.

Desert Songbird said...

I'm a bad mom. When my kids scream, I crank up the car stereo. With rock music. Like Guns 'n Roses.

Macoosh said...

is it weird that this post just made me want children even more?

Morgen said...

Oh my.
I'm glad that macoosh's urges for kids went up with this, because my "oh thank goodness I'm gay" barometer went up after reading of your delightful car trip adventures! Yes, I know that lots of gay people have kids. Just not ME!
If I were you, I'd be sending the kids off to grandma's for a week and taking a nice quiet "just me & Eric" vacation this year!

Sadie said...

Okay, I thought this was hilarious, but I can't say that I'm with Macoosh on this one.

Maybe Mo has the right idea... Parents Only Vacation? When I think about our car trips, my sister and I all lying down in the back of the station wagon, I can't imagine making those trips all strapped into a car seat. But I also didn't have 27 cup holders and a DVD player.

Travis said...

I remember taking a trip with my sister and my 2 year old niece, up the coast of California from Santa Barbara to San Francisco to visit family.

This is a 5 hour drive.

I managed to escape with my sanity, but only barely.

I concluded, much like Mo, that I was glad I was a gay man. Then I remembered that I WASN'T gay, and resolved to be even more careful during my bachelor forays.

Much respect to you my dear - you chose the life and I'm sure there are many more moments of joy.

There are, right?

A.J.Reams said...

The solution to our car troubles was to buy an SUV that came with a DVD player.

The kids take turns (they actually take turns) choosing a movie and we don't hear from them for hours.

.....ahhhh silence!

Sunrunner said...

Besides the fact that I'm a night person anyway, we usually start our car trips at night and drive as far as we can. The kids sleep, they tend to wake up calmly (amazingly enough) and then we can all go to breakfast where ever we stop. That being said, I really truly feel for you. I've had plenty of days like that with my 3. And Ian wonders why I happen to be yelling when he walks in the door at night sometimes...