Manic Monday - Quake

This week’s Manic Monday word is Quake. I asked my husband what the first thing was he thought of when I said the word quake.

He said, “Quaker oats, of course.” Then he started drooling and said, “Hey, when are you going to make Oatmeal Scotchies again? You haven’t made those in a long time.”

So, here you go. My husband’s absolute favorite cookie recipe, made with Quaker Oats!

Nestle’s Famous Oatmeal Scotchies

Ingredients
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup (2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened (I use 1 cup Butter-flavored Crisco instead.)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups quick or old-fashioned Quaker oats
1 2/3 cups (11-oz. pkg.) Nestle Butterscotch Morsels

Directions
Preheat oven to 375° F.

Combine flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar, eggs and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in oats and morsels. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.

Bake for 7 to 8 minutes for chewy cookies or 9 to 10 minutes for crisp cookies. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Wild Animal Crunch – a yummy new cereal!

Cereal is one of my pleasures in life. I just love cereal, and could probably eat it for every meal. So, I was very excited when Mom Central teamed up with Kellogg’s Company to send me a box of the new Wild Animal Crunch cereal.

My kids are at the age where they are starting to get into the cereal kick, so I am constantly looking for cereals they enjoy that consist of more than a bowl of sugar.

Wild Animal Crunch cereal includes vanilla- and chocolate-flavored wholegrain puffs. Each serving of Wild Animal Crunch contains 14 grams of whole grains and more than three grams of fiber.

But, how do they taste? That’s the real question. They’re good! They are sweet, but not sugary – along the lines of a corn pop if you want to compare sweetness. My husband and I both enjoyed them for breakfast. My 2-year-old daughter also really liked them. I put some in a little baggie for her and took them to the park with us as a snack. She just munched on the Wild Animal Crunch as she would Cheerios and she seemed perfectly happy.

My 5-year-old son was another story. He doesn’t seem to get excited about any cereal that won’t rot his teeth out of his head or that doesn’t promise him a free trip to meet Hannah Montana. However, once I poured a him a bowl of Wild Animal Crunch and put it in front of him, he ate it and said he liked it even though he wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement.

My son was more interested in the box! Each box provides animal games and fun facts to teach children how animals survive in the wild. I think I ended up reading my son the entire box. Each box also contains a real animal picture (we got the Panda, much to my daughter’s excitement), and tells parents and children about Animal Planet’s R.O.A.R. program (Reach out, Act, and Respond).

Look for Wild Animal Crunch in your grocery store today or visit the Kellogg’s Web site for more information. You can also visit Animal Planet’s Web site for more information on their R.O.A.R. program.

A Plumm Summer is a great family film!

A Plumm Summer is a new family film based on a true story in 1960’s Montana, where a well-loved TV puppet, FroggyDoo, gets stolen during a live show. The outcry of Montana families spur an FBI investigation, but the children of the small town race to solve the mystery on their own. A Plumm Summer is the winner of the Audience Best Film Award at the International Family Film Festival, and stars Henry Winkler, Billy Baldwin, Jeff Daniels, Brenda Strong and Chris J. Kelly.

We really enjoyed this movie as a family. Even though I will always think of Henry Winkler as The Fonz, I love him in just about anything. The child actors in this movie are very talented, particularly Chris J. Kelly who plays teenage Elliott – the junior detective trying to find Froggy Doo. Elliott captures teenage angst in all its glory as he tries to win the affection of the girl next door, be a hero for his little brother, and gain the respect he deserves from his alcoholic father.

My husband and I sat down to watch a DVD screener of the movie, and I asked my 5-year-old if he wanted to watch it too. He scoffed a little bit because anything that’s not animated is considered “a grown-up movie” in his mind. However, by the end of the movie, he was sitting right in front of the TV asking, “Do you think they’re going to find the frog?!”

There were a few tense moments mostly related to the dysfunctional family dynamic that my son didn’t quite understand, but he seemed to love the overall story of a group of kids in search of Froggy Doo. It’s always nice to be a be able to sit down and watch a movie with my child and not have to worry about violence, language or sex – none of which you have to worry about in A Plumm Summer.

A Plumm Summer opens April 25th in a limited release in the following areas around the country:

* California: LA and surrounding areas
* Alabama: Birmingham, Trussville
* Minnesota: Oakdale, Lakeville, Eagan
* Montana: Billings, Bozeman, Kalispel, Livingston or Missoula

Support independent films! If A Plumm Summer is opening near you, I hope you will see this heart-warming family movie. Visit the official Web site for more information about the movie, and view the trailer below:

I'm really not crazy

Do you ever just have kind of an off day? I really hate it when my off days have witnesses. I think the preschool teachers think I am the most scattered mom at the school.

Yesterday, I was on the way out the door with about 50 things in my hand (as usual) including a cup of coffee and Eli’s school picture proofs and order form. Okay, I will admit that it probably wasn’t a great idea to be carrying all of these things together, but I was in a hurry . . . and still managed to forget my purse.

Anyway, while getting in the car, I managed to spill coffee down the front of my shirt and all over the photo forms. Crap! I had to run back in the house to get a towel (and my purse) to clean up.

When we got to school, I handed the forms to Eli’s teacher and said, “Sorry they’re wet. I spilled coffee all over them this morning.” She just asked, “Neila, is it one of those mornings?” I said, “Yeah, I’m beginning to think so.”

Next, I dropped off a Walmart sack with two bags of candy in it at the preschool director’s office. All the kids stop by her office every day for a piece of candy, and I felt I owed her for all the extra candy my kids have siphoned.

Anyway, when I came back to pick Eli up after school, I saw the director waving something at me from in her office. She said, “This was in your sack.” When I got closer, I saw that it was a jar of honey mustard. Well, hell. I wondered what happened to that. I bought chicken tenders at the same time I bought candy and I knew I bought honey mustard to go with the chicken, but I couldn’t find it when I got home. Apparently, I delivered it to Miss Nikki along with two bags of candy.

After my ditzy morning, I picked up Eli and tried to ask him about his day on the way home. He excitedly told me that Miss Martha brought worms to preschool and they got to touch them. I said, “What did they feel like?”

His response? *blink*blink* “Like worms.” (I think the “Duh, mom!” was implied.)

Special K Bliss Bars make a yummy snack!

Dude! When I get chocolate in the mail, it is officially a good day! Yesterday, the folks at Kellogg’s sent me samples of their newest treat, Special K Bliss Bars (along with a lovely canvas bag).

Special K Bliss Bars come in two flavors, chocolate-dipped raspberry and chocolate-dipped orange. The bars are a combination of fruit-flavored pieces, crispy cereal and a chocolatey bottom layer. Plus, they are only 90 calories! (Holla!)

Now, for the all-important question – how do they taste?? I really liked the chocolate-dipped raspberry Special K Bliss Bars. I am a big fan of raspberry, and this had a nice flavor to it. The raspberry flavor was tasty without being overwhelming, and you had that bottom layer of chocolate, which was great. My only complaint on these is that I wish they were bigger! But at 90 calories, one Bliss Bar makes a perfect snack (or a really quick grab-and-go breakfast), especially if you have a big sweet tooth, like me. I always love a snack where I can satisfy that sweet craving but not have the guilt!

I also really liked the fact that it was something different. If you search down the aisle of cereal bars in the local grocery store, you won’t find anything else like these.

Now, I should touch on the chocolate-dipped orange Special K Bliss Bars. Let me preface this by saying that I’m really not a fan of orange anything, so I don’t know that I’m the best judge. I just thought that the orange flavor seemed overpowering. It wasn’t subtle like the raspberry bars, so I didn’t really care for them. My husband, however, absolutely loves anything orange, and he thought the orange Bliss Bars were out of this world!

My kids seem to enjoy both flavors. I use these to trick the kids. I ask, “Would you like to try one of mommy’s new ‘candy bars’?” That’s all I really need to say for them to jump on it. Both of the children just seemed to love them!

The Special K Bliss Bars should be available in stores near you today. You can also go to the Kellogg’s Web site to learn more and to check out more nutritional information about the Bliss Bars.

13 Things I'd Like For Mother's Day

1. I'll take any spa treatment - I'm not picky.

2. Chocolate in any form will do just fine.

3. A new car - a hybrid would be nice.

4. Enormous jacuzzi tub.

5. My own coffee shop with full staff.

6. Oops - how'd that get in there? :-)

7. New bedroom furniture.

8. A day at the movies.

9. A trip to Vegas. (I've never been there!)

10. A new grill - and I mean a manly grill, dammit!

11. A maid!

12. A beach anywhere would be awesome!

13. If all else fails, cash works for me.

Mamma Mia Contest - Win a London trip!!

I have seen Mamma Mia three times on stage, and I am sooo excited for the movie to come out this summer starring Meryl Streep. It is going to rock! I am thrilled to tell you about the Mamma Mia contest that is being sponsored by Pond’s!

How many times have you stood in front of a mirror or on a karaoke stage or in your car for that matter and belted out Dancing Queen or Mamma Mia? Well, now is your chance to use those talents to win a lavish trip to London!

Women ages 40 and older are invited to form a singing trio and perform their own take on Mamma Mia or Dancing Queen! Then submit a video of your trio’s performance via the Pond’s Web site! The Pond’s Web site also has complete music and lyrics for both classic songs that you can download to rehearse.

It’s like American Idol for adults who just love the music from Mamma Mia! If you have two friends who you think will help you make a great trio, and a digital camcorder, you’re ready to go!

The winners of the contest will win a luxurious trip to London to live the life of three dynamos at the world premiere of Mamma Mia! Visit the Pond’s Web site for more information!

Don’t delay! The deadline for submissions is April 30th, so grab your friends, pull out your camcorder and start belting out those tunes. Maybe you will soon be on your way to London! Good luck!!

Wordless Wednesday - Warp Speed Ahead

Tales From The Potty

For about a month now, we have been sitting Georgia on the potty three times a day to go the bathroom. Occasionally she pees. But most of the time she just likes to sing songs. . . Scratch that. She likes me to sing songs. Particularly my original rendition of “Georgia’s going pee-pee in the Dora potty.”

I’ve tried letting her run around without pants on, but twice now she has peed down her leg and began stomping around like she’s playing in a rain puddle.

The other day, I tried another trick that the potty training book said to try. The book said to give your child a choice each morning as to whether they wanted to wear a diaper or regular underpants. I thought I would give it a shot. Maybe if I put regular panties on her, she would want to keep them clean, right? Well, that’s what the damn book said!

I pulled out a pull-up and a pair of panties and asked, “Georgia, do you want to wear a diaper or big girl panties today?”

She happily yelled, “BIG GIRL PANTIES!”

Eli glanced up at us from his cereal bowl and said, “I really don’t think that’s a good idea, mama. I think you should go with the diaper.”

Yeah, no kidding!

After breakfast, I sat Georgia on the potty, and she did absolutely nothing. I then put her panties on her and then her pants. The book said to put her on the potty every hour, but I decided to try every half hour.

About 25 minutes later, when I went to pick her up, she was soaked. I don’t know when she peed, but it never phased her one bit because I was watching her the whole time, and never noticed a difference in her reaction – certainly not the surprised reaction the book was talking about when the child realizes they don’t have a diaper on.

You know, I’d like to get my hands on whoever wrote that f*cking potty book, because they obviously never had children.

Manic Monday - Bud

This week’s Manic Monday word is Bud. I’m sure I’m going to see a lot of flowers around the blogosphere this week, but my mind went in a different direction . . . 80’s movies. Yes, I know I’m weird. But seriously, this is what comes to mind.

Bud and Sissy! Dude, no matter how many times I watch Urban Cowboy I still don’t get the appeal of this movie. I do like those Bud and Sissy license plates, but that’s about it. I’ve never been a huge John Travolta fan, so maybe that’s why I can’t get into it. Or maybe it’s just because I have way too many cousins who are the spitting persona of “Bud.” And don’t even get me started on “Sissy” who in the end chooses John Travolta - the guy who only smacks her around a little bit. Seriously, people.

Ultimately, when I think of the word "bud", I think of Sean Penn from Fast Times At Ridgemont High – the ultimate 80’s movie, and one of my favorites!

Here are a few interesting Sean Penn-related tidbits from Fast Times:

** Sean Penn extinguished a cigarette in the palm of his hand in order to better understand his character Jeff Spicoli.

** Sean Penn was asked to read for the part of Brad Hamilton as well as that of Jeff Spicoli.

** During shooting of the film, Sean Penn got so into character that he only answered as Spicoli. In fact, the door on his dressing room was labeled "Spicoli" instead of "Sean Penn".

** Sean Penn asked out Pamela Springsteen, who played Dina, on the set of the movie; she accepted.

** Sean Penn improvised during his takes and tried to find ways to aggravate actor Ray Walston, who played Mr. Hand, even off camera. He also did things to get genuinely startled reactions from the extras who played his classmates through unexpected improvisations.

And now for a clip, so those of you who may be confused on how in the heck this relates to “Bud” can see why this is the first movie that popped into my head. And as a disclaimer, please let me say that this clip is not meant to offend ANYONE!!

The Haircut

Eric decided it was about time to get a haircut and was wondering how short to cut it. . . Okay, so I decided it was time for him to get a haircut. (I'm sorry - but unless you're Jon Bon Jovi, not many guys can rock the long locks.)

Eric called and made an appointment. Unfortunately, his regular guy had left, so he got a new guy. Anyway, Eric asked me how short I wanted his hair, so I told him I would print out a picture for him to take in with him. I printed off this picture of what I thought would be a good haircut and handed it to him.

He just looked at it and glared at me.

Me: "What?"

Eric: "Do you honestly think I am going to walk in and hand some guy this picture and say I want my hair like Brad Pitt?"

Me: "It's just the hair you're going for. It's not like you want him to turn you into Brad Pitt."

Eric: *glares at me*

Me: "By the way, can I have that picture back when you're done?"

Eric: *glares at me*

Me: "What?"

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Get rid of lice with Lice M.D.

I don’t know about you, but I seem to remember vividly the times when there were cases of lice running rampant throughout our grade school. If one child had it, it wasn’t long before those little buggers jumped from head to head to head. And if you got lice, you were screwed because in third grade the only thing that brought down your social standing more than lice was a bad case of coodies.

Although there’s still no cure for coodies, lice can be taken care of quickly and easily with Lice M.D. The kind folks at Mom Central sent me a free sample of Lice M.D., and although we’re not currently experiencing a lice problem, I am pleased to have this on hand since my son starts kindergarten in the fall.

Lord only knows what they used to spread on our heads in the 70’s, but now Lice M.D. provides an effective remedy that is pesticide-free and eliminates lice in three easy steps without pulling your child’s hair out. With Lice M.D., you can take control of your lice problem before it takes control of you and your household.

Lice M.D. is clinically tested by pediatricians and proven to be effective at eliminating lice, eggs and nits. Plus, Lice M.D. uses a synthetic lubricant which makes it easy to comb through hair – almost like a conditioner!

You can apply Lice M.D. in three simple steps to eliminate your lice problem. First, apply it to dry hair, then wait 10 minutes. Next, section and comb the hair (with Lice M.D. still in it) to remove lice, eggs and nits. Third, shampoo hair regularly with shampoo and warm water. It’s as simple as that!!

Visit the Lice M.D. Web site to learn more about this wonderful product and watch their product video. Trust me, if you have kids in grade school, this is something you should definitely keep on hand as a staple. The Lice M.D. Web site offers more product info as well as testimonials, additional resources, and printable coupons for Lice M.D.!

Me and Georgia

I should know by now not to correct the grammar of a 5-year-old. Why? Because I had a conversation with Eli yesterday that went something like this.

Eli: Do you want to try those new waffle pancakes?

Me: Yes, I think they would be good.

Eli: Me and Georgia don’t want to try them.

Me: Georgia and I don’t want to try them.

Eli: *blink blink* But you just said you did.

Me: I do. I’m telling you that the proper way is not to say ‘Me and Georgia’ but rather ‘Georgia and I don’t want to try them.’

Eli: *getting really frustrated at this point* So, do you want to try them or not?!

Me: Yes!

Eli: Then why do you keep saying you don’t?!

Me: Never mind!

Eli walks off in a huff. Eric sits there laughing at me. And I am not amused.

13 Things You'll Never Hear Me Say

1. I’m pregnant!

2. I don’t drink coffee. I always get so much sleep so I don’t need the caffeine.

3. Could you pass the peas?

4. I don’t think they show enough SpongeBob on TV.

5. My children NEVER whine!

6. It’s just too chocolatey.

7. I was so busy today that I forgot to eat.

8. What should I do with all this leftover wine?

9. I have WAAAAY too much time to myself!

10. I have plenty of time to clean my house since my children go to bed so early.

11. Starbucks? Who needs Starbucks?

12. I could watch the Teletubbies for hours!

13. I get so many date nights with my husband!

Wordless Wednesday - Rock Chalk Champions!!

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!

ROCK!!

CHALK!!

JAYHAWK!!

GO!!

KU!!!

Yes, my alma mater The University of Kansas Jayhawks just won the 2008 National Championship in overtime!!!! Mario Chalmers made a three-pointer to tie with only seconds left in regulation to send it into OT. I think my heart stopped. Except I was jumping up and down screaming. My husband was crying. And Eli came running into the family room to tell us to keep it down. I only started crying after the game was over and Chalmers went into the stands to hug his mom. Ohhhh, it's awesome here! I can hear fireworks going off outside!!

Did I mention WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! JAYHAWKS FOREVER!!!!!!

Kindergarten Round-up

On Friday, I took Eli to Kindergarten Round-Up. In our school district, Kindergarten Round-Up consists of taking the children into the library to do “fun activities” (i.e. making them write letters and use scissors just to see if they can), and taking the parents into the gym to see how long they can sit on hard folding chairs before their butts fall asleep. (About 20 minutes – yet they talked 1 ½ hours, complete with three Powerpoint presentations!!)

Overall, I think it went well. Except, why is it that when I walk into the elementary school, memories of my youth come rushing back to me? My maiden name began with a Y, so I was always the last one in line. Now, my last name is in the first part of the alphabet. When we went in, it was such a thrill for me to go to the line that said A-J. Eric thought it was weird how oddly exhilarated I was.

After I went to the gym, I immediately found my next door neighbor so I had someone to talk to. (This may come as a shock to you, but I don’t do well at sitting quietly.) Here are the highlights that I feel the need to share:

* The principal is freakishly tall – we’re talking in the 7-foot range. I’m wondering if they hired him based on his height because you really don’t need much more when you’re that intimidating.

* We met the three kindergarten teachers. Why is it that there’s always one teacher who looks like she’s about 100 years old and a total bad-ass? I know she is totally the one Eli is going to get.

* They make the children sign paperwork. Things sure have changed. I even raised my hand and asked, but yes, my 5-year-old son actually has to scribble some semblance of a signature on the agreement not to bring weapons to school. That is bizarre to me.

* They start teaching typing, excuse me, keyboarding, in kindergarten!!! Before they leave grade school, there is apparently a proficiency exam on typing so many words per minute. Dude! I didn’t take typing until 9th grade!!!!!!!

* I discovered when we took a tour of the school that my child isn’t that intimidated by the 7-foot principal as demonstrated when Eli and his best friend Parker tried to see how fast they could run up and down the wheel chair ramps.

* They still hire the butchest lesbians they can find to teach P.E. It’s nice to know that some things never change.

Dare to Wear White

Dare to Wear White and Earn a $10 Amazon Gift Card!

After reading this post, if you feel this issue is something you struggle with, be one of the first to answer a survey and earn an Amazon gift card!

Heavy periods are a problem that many women struggle with. Out of 1300 women surveyed by Mom Central, here are key issues that were discovered:
· 75% of women reported that their heavy periods negatively impact their quality of life by disrupting their family and social life, regular activities, and moods. · Almost 60% said that their periods negatively affect their sexual relationships. · And what's worse, more than 50% of women with heavy periods said that they dread leaving the house on their worst days.

Heavy periods can be caused by many reasons including polyps, fibroids, pre-cancerous or cancerous changes in the uterine lining, adenomyosis, or a thyroid imbalance, to name a few. There are several tests that can be performed to determine what exactly is causing your heavy periods, but the important thing to know is that you don’t have to live with this any longer!

There is now something that can be done about heavy periods! For women with heavy periods who have completed childbearing, there is a non-hormonal, one-time minimally invasive procedure that typically takes less than five minutes to complete and can eliminate heavy periods - the NovaSure® Endometrial Ablation System.

In clinical trials, more than 9 out of 10 women who had the NovaSure procedure returned lower levels of bleeding, and 40% of women had no periods at all. NovaSure is an outpatient procedure that can be done in a doctor’s office without general anesthesia. It is a safe, simple and effective solution for heavy bleeding.

I encourage all women who suffer from heavy periods to look at www.DaretoWearWhite.com. You will find that you are not alone. On this Web site, you can ask questions, share your experiences and feelings and learn more about treatment options. You can also request a brochure to learn more information about the NovaSure procedure.

If you are suffer from heavy periods AND are done having children, please take the NovaSure survey. The first 250 eligible women who complete the short survey will receive a $10 Amazon gift certificate as a thank you for their participation.

Manic Monday - 1,000

This week’s Manic Monday word (number?) is 1,000. When I heard the theme this week, something immediately came to mind, and it falls in the category of “Ways In Which I Channel My Mother.”

It’s not that I misbehaved badly as a child, but I can often remember my mom saying, “Neila Jo! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 1,000 times. Do NOT leave your shoes in the middle of the floor.” Or “Do NOT talk on the phone for more than 20 minutes.” Or “Do NOT hang your bra on the bathroom door knob.”

Whatever it was, the first part was always the same – she had always told me 1,000 times. What does this lead to? Well, let me tell you . . .

“Eli! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 1,000 times. I do NOT allow name-calling!” or “Do NOT hit your sister.” Or “Do NOT pull the cat’s tail.” But again, that first part is always the same.

So, here’s the thing. Eli is only five, but already I find him repeating me. Except he has his own take on it – complete with loud sigh, sarcastic tone and eye roll. It goes something like this:

Me: “Eli, do you know what you want for breakfast?”
Eli: *Loud over-exaggerated sigh* “How many times do I have to tell you? 1,000?!” *insert eye roll* “I haven’t decided yet!”

It’s a cycle, I tell you. A vicious cycle!

The latest contraption

Dude! April Fool’s needs to end before my son gives me a heart attack. He has spent the last week either hiding my stuff or jumping out at me from behind furniture yelling “APRIL FOOL’S!!”

I keep telling him that April Fool’s Day is just that – ONE DAY! And it’s over. He’s not getting it. I can only handle someone jumping out at me so many times.

In other news, Eli’s parent-teacher conference was today. You never know exactly what you’re going to hear, but it was all good . . . well, mostly good. I learned that Eli needs to work on his listening (gee, there’s a big shocker), and that he needs to work on kicking a ball because that’s not really one of his strengths.

I tried really hard not to laugh. I told his teacher that after two summers of soccer and Eli lying down on the field, I was way ahead of her on knowing that kicking a ball wasn’t really his strong suit.

Luckily, Eli has the vocabulary and creativity to make up for it – as proven by his drawing of an underground television complete with large buttons and instructions on how to operate it. He enjoyed telling me about his "latest contraption." How does he even know what contraption means? I have one interesting kid!

13 Funny Things My Children Said This Week

1. Eli not wanting to go to bed: “I hear monsters outside playing ball.”

2. Georgia: “Mama! Can I shake your boo boos?”

3. Eli: “Alvin and the Chipmunks is available on DVD and Blu-ray. Can we still see it even though we don’t live in Blu-ray?”

4. Georgia wiggling her fingers in front of my face: “Boo! . . . It okay, Mama. Don’t be scared. It just me. It perfectly fine.”

5. Eli, listening to my Beatles album: “Wow! That drummer is really good!”

6. Georgia, playing dress-up: “I trying to be a Halloween.”

7. Eli, looking at blue stuff all over his shirt: “I don’t recognize that substance.”

8. Georgia, peeing down her leg with no pants on: “I don’t need to go pee pee in the Dora potty.”

9. Eli, watching a preview for Horton Hears A Who: “Look, Mama! It’s that movie you want to see!”

10. Georgia: “Can I spit in your water?”

11. Eli, describing mom on a picture he drew of me at school: “She eats zucchini. One of her favorite colors is pink. She likes to be in L.A.” (FYI, I only eat zucchini if it’s deep-fried and served with Ranch dressing. My favorite color is purple. I’ve been to L.A. once.)

12. Georgia, coming in from the backyard caked in mud: “I not dirty.”

13. When I asked who left Hershey’s Kiss wrappers all over the floor, Eli with chocolate covering his face said: “I know who did it. It was Georgia!”

Wordless Wednesday - Headless Dora Piñata

That only took two whacks!

The Better Choice?

Tonight, I was faced with an option. Take Georgia to a make-up Gymboree class or go to the grocery store and take Eli. Considering that I have had to remove Georgia from the last three Gymboree classes for chasing children, screaming, and snatching toys away from them, I opted for Eli and the grocery store.

I normally go to the grocery store during the day, but it was storming today so I waited until this evening. I forget that most people go in the evenings after work so it was freaking packed.

And Eli, who seemed fairly tired before we left, acted like he had just drunk a shot of espresso as soon as we entered the store. His newest thing is “marked boxes” of whatever. He realized that if you look for marked boxes of cereal, drinkable yogurt, lunchables, crackers, pancakes, you name it – you can either get a prize or possibly win something. I can’t tell you how many D’animals drinkable yogurts I have bought because Eli is desperately trying to win a trip to L.A. to see Hannah Montana. Dude!

If that’s not bad enough, every time he sees a marked box, he has to stop in the middle of the store and study it carefully to figure out exactly what you can get. I think it took us 20 minutes to walk down the cereal aisle alone. And even I was getting tired of my frustrated shouts of, “Eli! COME ON!!!”

I think next time, I’ll opt for Gymboree.

Manic Monday - Pull

Happy Monday, everyone! This week’s Manic Monday word is Pull, and to be honest, I had a hard time thinking of one for pull. So, let’s get creative.

I think I’ve mentioned before that we really enjoy doing Let’s Dish! It’s one of those meal places where they have all the ingredients laid out for you. You just go in and put your meals together, then take them home and stick them in your freezer. This has been such a huge time saver and soooooo convenient, and we have been doing it once a month for over a year.

I received a horrible email from Let’s Dish this week that they were closing as of yesterday! Crap on a stick!!! This is so not cool! Yes, there are other meal places, but Let’s Dish was the cheapest and you got the most food. I am not happy. Plus, they had recipes that I absolutely loved!!!

Eric and I decided to make a list of our favorite Let’s Dish dishes. Then, I sat down and pulled from my memory as many of the ingredients and recipes that I could remember. So far, I have five dishes that I have made from memory and stuck in the freezer. We haven’t yet tried any of the dishes to see if they taste as good as they did when I made them at the store, but I am hopeful.

I made Garlic Cheddar Sliders, Calzones, Mozzarella-Stuffed Mini Meatloaves, Citrus Almond Tilapia, and Chicken Crostini – all from memory. This week, we will start pulling them out of the freezer for dinner, and I will let you know how they turned out.

Following is my Chicken Crostini recipe. Since it is pulled from my memory, I didn’t measure anything, I just kind of added stuff until it looked good. I loved this one when I made it at the store!

Chicken Crostini

Ingredients
1 loaf French bread or baguette

Olive oil
Black pepper
Garlic salt
Basil

Cooked, cubed chicken
Frozen red peppers
Shredded Italian cheese

Directions
* Slice baguette into about 12 thick slices.
* In small bowl, mix olive oil, pepper, garlic salt and basil.
* With a pastry brush, brush olive oil mixture on both sides of each slice of bread and place in baking pan. (I use two 9x13 pans, and place six slices in each.)
* Sprinkle cubed chicken on top of each slice of bread.
* Sprinkle a few frozen peppers over the chicken.
* Top each crostini with your desired amount of Italian cheese. (I love my cheese, so I use a lot.)
* Put lids on your pans and pop them in your freezer.

Baking instructions
Keep frozen until ready to bake. Preheat oven to 375. Pull the pan of crostinis out of your freezer or place the desired number of crostinis on a baking sheet. Bake for 20-25 minutes until hot and bubbly and bottoms are browned. Enjoy!

Black Knees and Canker Sores

Okay, I’m getting my mommy lies messed up. I really need to make a list of all the things my mom told me when I was a kid, but unfortunately I don’t remember all of her little quips until presented with the situation and then they come flying out of my mouth.

For example, if I catch Eli eating brown sugar, I automatically say, “That will give you worms.” before I can even stop myself.

Today, Eli was complaining that the tip of his tongue hurt. Without hesitation I said, “That means you told a lie.” Why the hell do I do this? Because of my mom!!

Eli gasped and clutched his mouth. “NO, I DIDN’T!”

I said, “Well, your Nanny always told me that if I had a sore on my tongue it was because I told a lie.”

So Eli ran to the bathroom to look at his tongue. Sure enough, there was a tiny sore on the end of it.

He came back in and said, “Well, I do have a sore on my tongue, but I haven’t been lying.” Then he lifted up his pant legs and said, “See? My knees aren’t black.”

That one took me a second. Then I smiled and said, “No, honey. Your knees turn black if you drink too much coffee. You get a sore on your tongue if you tell a lie.”

He just said, “Oh.”

I seriously need to stop this.

13 Google Searches That Have Hit My Blog This Week

I am constantly amazed at the searches people use to end up finding my blog. I’m curious how many readers I’ve gained just from people searching for weird mommy sex sites!

1. “mommy’s got boobs” – Do I really talk about my boobs that much?

2. “caffeine patch” – Dude! I so wish I had one of these!

3. “annoying baby toys” – I could write a book on this subject.

4. “puts everything in mouth” – Hello! Meet my daughter Georgia.

5. “freeze song at Gymboree” – One of Eli’s favorite songs!

6. “mommy a whore” – So I like to use the word 'whore' as a term of affection. Sue me. Somehow I don’t think this person found what they were looking for.

7. “crunchy munchy honey cakes recipe” – Gotta love the Wiggles!!

8. “does greenworks work” – Yes it does! Love that damn stuff!

9. “yo gabba gabba drugs” – Bwahahahaha!! I’m glad it’s not just me!

10. “two and a half year old won’t nap” – Good luck, sister! I feel ya!

11. “pictures of marmosets” – I'll bet they didn't mean those as seen on Diego.

12. “incredibly hot wife” – You know it, baby!

13. “mommy suck” – Dude, seriously. Come on!

Wordless Wednesday - Let's Swing!

Tales from the Potty

Today was the day we decided to hit potty training hardcore. By 'we', I mean 'me'. Eric was at work, Georgia wasn’t all that excited, and Eli didn’t care about anything but the new sticker machine he got for Easter.

I decided that I would try taking off Georgia's diaper for two hours each morning, taking her to the potty after each hour. After a few days of success, my book says you’re supposed to leave the diaper off longer until eventually, she’s out of diapers all day.

So, this morning, I took off her diaper when she got up and sat her on the potty. We sang songs and read books, but nothing. We had previously bought some Dora underpants, but I made the executive decision to let her run around naked from the waist down because I really didn’t want to clean pee and poop out of the new undies quite yet.

I told her we would try to go potty again in an hour. I watched her carefully after that to make sure there wasn’t pee running down her leg. Then, I started cleaning the kitchen (bad idea) and noticed she had gone in the office. This was about 10 minutes before our designated potty time. When I went to get her, she came running out with poop stuck to her leg.

Damn! She had gone in the office to go poop. And it looked like she huddled over the furnace vent to do it because there was poop all over the vent cover. Not. Cool. I really don’t want it to smell like poop in the office every time the heat comes on.

I took her to the potty and explained how we make pee and poop in the potty and plunked her down. After a couple of minutes, she got up, yelled, “I ALL DONE!” and ran off. I looked in the toilet and was shocked. SUCCESS!! She had peed. I made such a big deal. I danced around. I gave her a sticker. I gave a few WOO HOO’s! I was hoping that it might actually be that easy.

After another hour, I took her to the potty again, but nothing. Since it had been two hours, I put her pull-ups back on. It wasn’t long before she went into my bedroom and shut the door. She came back out a couple of minutes later and smelled like poop. Damn. I tried the potty again, but this time nothing. I said, “Don’t you have to go potty?” She smiled and said, “But not yet!”

That’s how she answers everything. “But not yet!” no matter what the question.

Anyway, I put the diaper back on her. We’ll try again tomorrow. I only hope if she poops without her diaper, she doesn’t squat over the vent again to do it.

Manic Monday - Egg

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend! We were out of town visiting family all weekend and didn't get home until late Sunday night. Rather than attempt an understandable Manic Monday post and get egg on my face (ba doom ching), I thought I would post some pictures of the kids hunting for Easter eggs at my parents' house. . . Make that plastic eggs filled with jelly beans. I swear to God, those two were on such a sugar high this weekend, I'm surprised they can't just take off and fly.

Anyway, this week's Manic Monday word is egg. Enjoy some photos of the children's Easter egg hunt.

Bargain Hunting

I went to a jewelry party tonight. I’m sure most of you are quite familiar with these things. You go to a home party with tables full of over-priced jewelry, and then you feel pressured to buy something so that your friend, the hostess, can get something for free.

It was a Silpada party, and that sh*t is expensive! Plus, only four people attended, so the pressure was really on to buy jewelry. Now, I’ve pimped Discovery Toys and Passion Parties, so I know how this sales crap works. But jeez! I’m sorry, but I would much rather spend $150 on a vibrator than on a bracelet. Maybe it’s just me, but for that much money, I want a little more enjoyment.

Eric was not thrilled I was attending this little soiree, and even attempted to take my wallet out of my purse before I left the house. Subtle. Since I’ve spent about 10 times my budget in the last two weeks on a new microwave and refrigerator, I didn’t have a lot of available funds for costume jewelry. And apparently, Silpada doesn’t have a clearance rack. . . Yes, I asked.

I finally walked away with a pair of $30 earrings that I really think I could have bought for $8 at Target, but whatever. My friend Andrea bought $24 toe ring. Dude. Seriously. Next time, I think I’ll stay home with my vibrator.

New Flipsides Rock!

Out of all the free stuff I have received while blogging, this may be the best thing yet! The folks at Mom Central and Kellogg Company sent me a box of the new Town House Flipsides Pretzel Crackers. These unique crackers have just been introduced to the retail market, so you may have seen these at your local grocery store already. Flipsides are a cracker on one side and a pretzel on the other side. Oh yeah, baby! What’s better than having two of your favorite snacks in one bite?!

When I received these, I thought, “Oh, these will be a great snack for the kids.” I was right on that point – the kids really liked them. Then Eric and I tasted them. Oh. My. God. YUM! We received the cheddar-flavored Flipsides, and they are so good! I went out and bought some of my favorite beer cheese dip, which was AWESOME with these crackers. We received our box of Flipsides on Saturday, and Eric and I snarfed them down so fast, they were gone the next day. I’m not proud of myself, but hey, it’s better than snarfing down a bag of peanut M&M’s, right?

The only complaint I had about the FlipSides is that they broke easily, and there were a lot of broken crackers in the box. That’s not a big deal to me because they taste great, and we were eating them right out of the box. However, if you’re putting them on a serving plate at parties, it’s nicer to display whole crackers rather than cracker pieces, which is what the last third of the box consisted of. Again, not a big deal to me, but it’s something I thought I should point out.

I hope you all will check out these delicious pretzel crackers. The crackers are great for a light snack, kids’ lunches or to serve with your favorite dip or cheese spread. I already have them on my grocery list for when I go to the store. I think I’ll be buying more than one box so they last me a little bit longer.

For more information about the new Town House Flipsides Pretzel Crackers, visit the Kellogg’s Web site, and look for the new Flipsides at a grocery store near you today!!

13 Kids Shows That Bug Me

Now before anyone sends me hate mail, let me just say that I love many of these children’s shows. However after watching them repetitively as my children do, I sometimes want to stab myself in the eyes with a ballpoint pen.

1. SpongeBob Squarepants – Dude, it’s really not funny. I seriously don’t get it.

2. Fairly Oddparents – Okay, this one is actually my favorite of them all. But after watching the Fairly Oddbaby movie about 500 times, it’s no longer funny. Even the voice of Ben Stein can’t help.

3. Max and Ruby – I swear, Ruby’s voice is that of the devil. Max needs to bitch slap her something fierce.

4. Wayside – The Wayside School is 30 stories high with one classroom on each floor. And there doesn’t seem to be an elevator. And the logistics of this seem to bother no one but me.

5. Little Bear – Okay, Little Bear’s parents wear clothes, and so do some of his friends. So why the hell does Little Bear run around naked? It’s a question for the ages.

6. Franklin – Have you seen Franklin and The Turtle Lake Treasure? It’s about Franklin’s grandma and how her parents died in a fire when she was a little girl. Any kid’s show that makes me cry REALLY pisses me off!

7. Ni Hao Kai-lan – I already have Georgia running around speaking Spanish because of Dora. Now she’s running around spouting Chinese. That’s a little more than I can handle. At least with Spanish, I know what the heck she’s saying.

8. Wow Wow Wubbzy – Georgia loves this show. The problem is that I think they only made about 10 episodes, and they show them over and over and over and over again.

9. Yo Gabba Gabba – Don’t get me started.

10. Teletubbies – When Eli was younger, I had to go through this phase with him. Now Georgia is into the Teletubbies and I am fighting the urge to take them all out with an assault rifle.

11. Dora the Explorer – I think Georgia will forever be in love with Dora. The problem is that now she keeps imitating Swiper The Fox. She likes to hide my stuff and say things like, “You’ll never see your phone now! Heh! Heh! Heh!” Yeah. That’s not cool.

12. Oobi – It’s a FREAKING HAND!!!!!

13. The Wonder Pets – A guinea pig, a turtle and a duckling board their flying toy sailboat, complete with marker caps for rocket exhausts, and go save animals. It’s a cute concept that I think I could buy if it were animated, but the photo-puppetry makes it a little too bizarre.