Kindergarten Round-up

On Friday, I took Eli to Kindergarten Round-Up. In our school district, Kindergarten Round-Up consists of taking the children into the library to do “fun activities” (i.e. making them write letters and use scissors just to see if they can), and taking the parents into the gym to see how long they can sit on hard folding chairs before their butts fall asleep. (About 20 minutes – yet they talked 1 ½ hours, complete with three Powerpoint presentations!!)

Overall, I think it went well. Except, why is it that when I walk into the elementary school, memories of my youth come rushing back to me? My maiden name began with a Y, so I was always the last one in line. Now, my last name is in the first part of the alphabet. When we went in, it was such a thrill for me to go to the line that said A-J. Eric thought it was weird how oddly exhilarated I was.

After I went to the gym, I immediately found my next door neighbor so I had someone to talk to. (This may come as a shock to you, but I don’t do well at sitting quietly.) Here are the highlights that I feel the need to share:

* The principal is freakishly tall – we’re talking in the 7-foot range. I’m wondering if they hired him based on his height because you really don’t need much more when you’re that intimidating.

* We met the three kindergarten teachers. Why is it that there’s always one teacher who looks like she’s about 100 years old and a total bad-ass? I know she is totally the one Eli is going to get.

* They make the children sign paperwork. Things sure have changed. I even raised my hand and asked, but yes, my 5-year-old son actually has to scribble some semblance of a signature on the agreement not to bring weapons to school. That is bizarre to me.

* They start teaching typing, excuse me, keyboarding, in kindergarten!!! Before they leave grade school, there is apparently a proficiency exam on typing so many words per minute. Dude! I didn’t take typing until 9th grade!!!!!!!

* I discovered when we took a tour of the school that my child isn’t that intimidated by the 7-foot principal as demonstrated when Eli and his best friend Parker tried to see how fast they could run up and down the wheel chair ramps.

* They still hire the butchest lesbians they can find to teach P.E. It’s nice to know that some things never change.