Manic Monday - Grace

I told Morgen that he could not have chosen a more perfect word for this week’s Manic Monday theme because I was planning to post a special blog for my daughter. June 24 (yesterday or today, depending on when you’re reading this) is my daughter’s 2nd birthday! I can’t believe my baby girl was born two years ago today!

Here is Georgia Grace two years ago today:

Let me tell you, after the pregnancy I had with Eli, it took us awhile to decide if we wanted to go through another pregnancy. But I really did not want Eli to be an only child, and to be perfectly honest, I really wanted a girl! Don’t get me wrong. You all know how much I love my son, but I really wanted a little girl, too. I knew Georgia was a girl from the second I got pregnant, just like I had known Eli was a boy. I don’t think anyone believed me, but I was right!

This pregnancy was so different than my first one. It went perfectly. With Eli, I was nauseous all the time, and I didn’t want to eat, and with Georgia I couldn’t get enough to eat. Okay, I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I had to have Crab Rangoon every day for lunch. And I wouldn’t just eat a couple, I would eat a dozen at a time! On the off day that I wasn’t shoving down the Crab Rangoon, the only other thing I wanted were Penny Club sandwiches from Mr. Goodcents drenched in vinegar and oil. I made the person making it get the sandwich so soggy that you could barely pick it up. They thought I was crazy, but damn, they were good!

When the end of my pregnancy finally rolled around, I didn’t want any surprises like I had with Eli. I scheduled a C-section for 38 weeks (she was breach), and everything went just as planned. Our baby girl was born at 8:07 a.m. on June 24, 2005. She was perfect! The only problem was that she didn’t have a name yet.

That week, we were still going over our top five. By the morning she was born, we had it down to three – Georgia, Sarah or Grace. I came so close to naming her Sarah (because I love Sarah McLachlan), but that just didn’t quite seem right. Eric wanted Grace. An hour later, we were still staring at her. I was under this grand misconception that when we saw her, we would know what her name was. Yeah, not so much. But, we did finally decide that Georgia definitely fit her the best.

Georgia Grace.

After that, we just had to stop my mom from calling her Gigi. Because anyone who follows my blog knows just how wrong that is.

My parents came to the hospital later that day, and brought Eli in to meet his new baby sister. He was more interested in the fact the she and I got to wear cool hospital bracelets. This was our very first family picture.



I can’t believe it’s been two years! I blinked once, and she’s a toddler. I’m afraid to blink again!!

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!!

I Rock!

At least that’s what I tell everyone. (Hee hee.) But luckily, there are three other ladies who think so, too! And I didn’t even pay them to say so! Dude! How about that!!

Tisha at Crazy Working Mom, Donna at The Ice Box and Bridget at And Miles To Go . . ., have all named me a Rockin Girl Blogger! These ladies all rock beyond belief, and I am honored that they have all bestowed this gracious award upon me!

I now get this cool badge to put in my sidebar (when I get around to updating my sidebar), which I swear will be soon. And I am tagging five other ladies who I also think totally rock. Here are my choices! Rock on, ladies!

Sadie – Sadie was my first girlfriend here in the blogosphere! We have learned a lot about each other over the last year, and she is a great friend. She has an awesome blog(s), she is funny as hell, and it’s always entertaining to read about her latest adventures with Mr. Incredible.

Sanni – What a sweet lady. You are full of joy and inspiration! Sanni shares my love of coffee, and has a willpower that I can only dream of!

Sunrunner – I don’t even want to tell you how long it took me to realize that Sunrunner was married to Ian. I’m slow. She is a mother of three who totally gets what I am going through, yet manages to do it with unwavering enthusiasm!

Sandee – Comedy Plus is the blog I visit every day to give myself a grin. I count always count on Sandee for a smile! Thank you for making me laugh!

Julie – Flip This Body is one of the first blogs I started reading, and it has become more entertaining as it became Flip This Bridey. How much fun it has been to follow Julie through weight loss and wedding planning!

Update on the Sit n Spin (post below)

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Kara of A Bit of Me.

Yesterday, I was pouring over eBay. I managed to buy myself a purse and a pair of shoes, but their was no Sit n Splash. Then, at 11:00 last night, as I was just getting in bed (early for me), my husband came running in and said, "Someone just left a comment on your blog with a link to one of those Sit n Splash things on eBay!"

Dude! I was up like a flash! And I got it!!! Woo hoo! I have to pay $13 in shipping, but I don't give a damn. I will now have two Sit n Spins that work on carpet!!! Does this mean no fighting between the children?! HA! A mom can dream!

Thank you for the great tip, Kara!!

Sit n Stay

Don’t you think whoever invented the damn Sit n Spin could have put in a little extra effort to get the damn thing to work on carpet! I mean Christ! Didn’t those things come out in the 70’s when shag carpet was all the rage? 30 years later, and you would think they could have improved that one feature! But no!

We have two Sit n Spins, and there is a constant fight over them between the children. I will tell you why. For Eli’s second birthday, he got two Sit n Spins (the ones we still have) – a regular one, and a Sit n Splash, which is just like a normal Sit n Spin, except you can hook it up to a hose outside and water comes out of it. Okay, we did that once. Not fun. It’s a geyser, and the powerful jet of water about took Eli’s head off.

However, here is the great thing about it. Obviously, they had to make the Sit n Splash spin outside on grass. Well, it also spins on carpet! That’s right! This is the best Sit n Spin ever because it works on f*cking carpet!!

Now, I wish someone had told me three years ago when we got the Sit n Spins that these damn things are like collector’s items. Did you know this? Every year, there is a new Sit n Spin that does something different. Last year, they sold one that played music, this year, there is a Simon Says Sit n Spin, yada yada. I didn’t know they were freaking limited editions!

Three years later, Eli and Georgia are constantly fighting over the Sit n Splash we have because it spins on carpet. Well, they sold that damn thing three years ago. It is completely obsolete now! I can’t even find the damn thing on eBay! (And believe me, I have tried.)

So here we are with one Sit n Splash, two kids constantly fighting over it, and one mommy who is running dangerously low on wine. I am now going to write a hate letter to Playskool.

13 Reasons I Can't Sleep

I usually don’t have a problem getting to sleep, but in my house, it is impossible to stay asleep! Here are a few reasons why!

1. The cats. I always have a glass of water on my bed at night. Not only do the cats try do drink it, but they usually climb on my head and step on my hair to get to it. On those special occasions, they even knock the glass over and break it.

2. The birds. There is an insomniac bird that lives outside my window. I’m all for animal rights and anti-violence, but at 4 a.m. I wish I had a BB gun.

3. Lady of the night. The lady who lives next door to me leaves at all hours of the night, and she always slams her damn car door. I think she’s a whore. And I really need to quit sleeping with my windows open.

4. Eli. The boy NEVER wants to go to sleep. At midnight last night, I was tempted to bolt his door shut so he would stay in his room.

5. Georgia. Lately around 2 a.m., Georgia wakes up in a screaming terror. She needs to come in bed with us until she calms down. Unfortunately by the time I get her back to sleep, I am wide awake.

6. The Cats. Again. The little f*ckers like to play king of the hill on the bed in the middle of the night. Besides the WWE Smackdown taking place at the foot of the bed, Coconut has this meowing “howl” that he does when he gets pissed. It’s LOUD!

7. Road construction. The two houses across the street from us have gotten new driveways in the last week. Those damn construction guys start EARLY! Do you have ANY idea how loud it is to break up an old driveway? I DO!!

8. Weather radio. Eric has one of these damn things. If there is the slightest hint of rain within a 500-radius, the f*cking thing starts its shrill alarm. It’s usually at night, and it’s usually often! And it doesn’t have a f*cking volume control!

9. Nightmares. Last night, I fell asleep while checking my email and then dreamt that there was a baby crying outside my door and there was a serial killer on the loose. Dude! Sidenote: Don’t send me forwards!

10. I forget to turn the TV off. Sometimes I forget to turn the sleep timer on. It’s REALLY annoying to wake up at 3:30 a.m. to Married With Children reruns.

11. Telephone. My friend Andrea seems to think I’m a vampire. Quit calling me at midnight! Although sadly because of number 4, I’m usually up.

12. Snoring. Not mine, my husband’s. He snores like a bull moose and blames it on his allergies. I think he’s working with the children and the cats on trying to drive me insane.

13. Temperature. I’m usually freezing when I go to bed, and I wake up sweating by 2 a.m. It’s ridiculous. That's usually why I get up, open the window, and hear the hooker next door. I can’t win.

Wordless Wednesday

Minty Fresh Bathroom

Eli is currently addicted to brushing his teeth. I should not be complaining about this issue. This is a good thing. After the whole tooth-pulling situation, and our numerous visits to the dentist, Eli seemed pleased with his new fun toothbrushes and fun toothpastes they gave him – SpongeBob bubblegum flavored toothpaste.

Let me tell you, I grabbed that one night to brush my teeth without thinking. Dude! Bubble gum toothpaste just does not taste good when you’re an adult! Yuck!

I used to have to force Eli to brush his teeth because it was something he hated to do. Now, every time he visits the bathroom to pee, he stops to brush his teeth. The only problem is that he doesn’t understand that we only use A LITTLE BIT of toothpaste and that we SPIT IT OUT!! I can’t seem to drill those two things through his head.

Last week, I think he went through an entire tube of SpongeBob toothpaste! I think he uses his two little fists to try to squeeze it on his toothbrush, and he gets it all over the bathroom in the process.

I just bought a new tube on Saturday. Today, when I went in the bathroom, the tube was squeezed in half, and there was toothpaste on the counter, the mirror and the floor. It looked like the child had attempted to paint with it.

“Eli!” I shouted. He came running, and I pointed out AGAIN how he could brush his teeth as much as he wanted but that he needed to use small amounts. He pretended not to know what I was talking about and tried to blame the mess on Georgia. *sigh* Then I told him that if he continued to waste toothpaste I wasn’t going to buy the SpongeBob kind anymore. (That crap is expensive!)

I then proceeded to wipe up the toothpaste mess in the bathroom, and I did notice one positive effect. The smell from all the toothpaste really freshens up the bathroom. This really counterbalances the urine smell from when Eli misses the potty.

See? I can put a positive spin on anything!

Manic Monday - Heat

This week's Manic Monday word is Heat!

Now, originally I didn't want this post to be a commercial for Passion Parties, but dude! I am the Passion lady! There was only one thing in my head when I heard this topic, and that is Fireworks! I HAD to do it!!

Fireworks is an edible body lotion that heats up with friction, and it heats up more when you blow on it! Oh yeah, baby! This stuff is awesome! I call it my easy button for oral sex! You put this lotion directly on your partner, and you can literally breathe him to orgasm. It's awesome. And, it tastes great, too! It comes in 10 different flavors - my favorite is cinammon, and that's the one I demo at my parties! (It also comes in a sampler pack with all 10 flavors.)

I put a little dab on everyone's arm at parties and say, "Okay ladies, we are going to rub, blow and lick! Rub, blow, lick!" Then I have fun watching everyone make out with their arms. Tee hee! Everyone is always impressed with how hot it gets!

I do want to make sure that everyone knows this is not a lube. It is an edible body lotion! It's great for oral sex for both partners, but since it heats up with friction, it's not a good idea to use it in conjunction with sexual intercourse. Ouch!

Of course, Fireworks is available on my Website for only $13 (in a great new non-spill container) or in a sampler pack with all flavors for $14!

While you are on my Web site, be sure to check out my great summer specials! I have some awesome deals right now, people - like a free bullet with purchase of Pure Satisfaction, and a free lube with purchase of a Gigi! Some of these are Web only specials, so make sure you take a look!!

Manic Monday - More to come

Hey y'all! This has been an exhausting weekend, so I didn't have time to get my Manic Monday up yet! I will try to have a more extensive MM up ASAP, but in the mean time, here is a nice little picture that I think says a lot about Heat . . . for me anyway!

* Sigh * I miss my weekly Went! More on Heat later!

Welcome Andrew Robert!

You all may remember that I posted about my best friend Stacey for last week's Manic Monday. Well, she didn't make it quite to her induction date. She had her baby on Saturday, June 16, which was also her 35th birthday.

Her whole pregnancy, she really hoped she would deliver ANY date EXCEPT her birthday. So, she should have been able to guess that's when the baby would arrive!

Andrew Robert "Drew" arrived at 8:51 a.m. on Saturday morning, and weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and was 19 inches long! He is adorable, and has lots of black hair. Stacey is thrilled because he seems to be sleeping a lot. She seems to forget that they don't turn the baby ON until you leave the hospital.

Drew joins his big sister Kennedy! Congrats to all!!!

Minor Tantrum Tale

Okay, this is a very minor Georgia tantrum video. This is what I would call one of the calmer reactions I get from her when I tell her "No."

In this particular instance, I was eating my usual breakfast of coffee and a Zone energy bar. I am addicted to those damn things! Well, Georgia saw me eating what looked like a candy bar and came at me like a rabid bear. "WANT IT WANT IT WANT IT WANT IT!"

The last thing she needs is an energy bar. I tried to offer her a bite, but she was not happy with that. I decided to grab the camera and capture her reaction . . .

13 Things I Love About My Husband

In honor of Father's Day, I wanted to do a special TT for the man I love more than anything in this world! This is one TT that I had a VERY difficult time narrowing down to thirteen!

1. He accepts the fact that he is married to the most neurotic woman in the world . . . and he loves me anyway. Plus, he can (almost) always calm me down. That is not an easy feat.

2. He has cried while watching Oprah, and he’s not embarrassed.

3. He sticks his tongue out when he hammers in a nail.

4. The way he looks at me.

5. Because he taught Eli how to catch fireflies.

6. Because he has the most incredible blue eyes.

7. The way he holds our daughter.

8. He likes movies with subtitles.

9. He is never afraid to try new things.

10. He loves our children more than anything and it shows because he is such an amazing father!

11. He makes up his own words to songs.

12. He can always make me laugh.

13. He’s incredible in bed . . . oh crap, I wasn’t going to put that one because my parents read this. Oh well. After two kids, I suppose they know I have sex with my husband, right?

Now, here is a song that makes me think of my husband every time I hear it.

Happy Father’s Day, honey! I love you!

Wordless Wednesday - The Letter F

Sensitivity

I am overly sensitive, and I really have to get over that. I try to email out a monthly Passion Parties newsletter. I’m busy, so it usually goes out about every two months. I add people to my email list after every party, so my mailing list has grown to almost 200 people. I mainly add people who check the box that says they want to be on my mailing list, but sometimes I get overzealous. I have had a few hostesses send out evites, so I just stick all the guests on my email list. Why the hell not, right?

Well, I tend to regret that. Especially when I send out my newsletter, which usually contains at least one picture of a sex toy. (In my defense, this month, it was only a C-ring, a tulip-shaped bullet and a bottle of lube.) Anyhoo, I’m sure it may come as a bit of a shock to someone who is not expecting my newsletter, to come in to work on Monday morning and check their email and open it up to a smiling picture of me talking about clitoral stimulators and cock rings.

So I shouldn’t be so sensitive when I get a few (four) people who send me emails that say, “Please remove me from your email list.” The prudes. The funny thing is that I can check the statistics of my newsletter, and these same people keep going back and opening my newsletter repeatedly. Hmmmm . . .

When I’m not corrupting the innocent, I have been busy experimenting with my new video camera. I have managed to take a couple of videos, and I even uploaded one to YouTube. That’s right! Georgia is on YouTube! Now, I will warn you now that it is very anti-climactic (dare I say, boring). It’s no tantrum. It is seriously two minutes of Georgia and I discussing her Dora Memory cards. And that’s only because I trimmed it down from six minutes. Next time, I’ll go for an action movie. But this is my first attempt!

Manic Monday – Friend

This week’s Manic Monday word is Friend. I hope everyone will check out the Manic Monday HQ at It's A Blog Eat Blog World! I am so proud to call Morgen my Friend! He is the best friend I have met through blogging, and he is the sweetest man is the blogosphere! I love you, Mo!

This was such a hard one for me because it was difficult to narrow down what I wanted to talk about. That reminded me of how blessed I am because I have so many friends that I love so much. I thought I could talk about my wonderful blog friends, or I could blog about my four best girlfriends, but Friday, I decided on the perfect story.

I decided to post a funny story that happened to my best friend Stacey.

If you all think funny things happen to me, I wish Stacey had time to keep a blog of her own. She’s a federal probation officer, she has a dysfunctional family, and she’s nine months pregnant. Every phone call I get from her is like a stand-up comedy routine. She’s a freaking riot!

Stacey and I have been best friends since we were 14 years old. What is that? 21 years? (!!!!) Even though I know her inside and out, she still manages to keep me on my toes. As I said, Stacey is nine months pregnant. Seriously. They are inducing her one week from today. She is having a boy, and they are naming him Andrew (Drew).

Stacey is the most structured, organized person you have ever met. And I say this lovingly. Since she works for the fed, you can imagine that she has everything in order. And yes, she is still working. I can imagine she’s scaring the hell out of those prisoners coming at them all swollen feet and hormones raging, but I digress.

Anyway, Stacey has been ready for this baby for over a month. Since she saw me give birth to Eli 6 weeks early, she learned to be prepared way in advance, so she is ready and waiting. On Friday, she was sitting in court, and decided to go ahead and compose an email in advance on her Blackberry letting everyone know that the baby had arrived. She was going to save it, and then after he was born, she could hit send right there in the hospital room immediately after he was born.

Well, you can see where this is going. Her perfectly composed email entitled “Baby Drew Has Arrived” went out when she hit Send instead of Save. I only wish I could have been there because I know that “OH F*CK!” look on her face, and it’s funny. What’s even more funny is that it went out to everyone her husband works with, including his supervisor, her entire family, her husband’s entire family. You can imagine that everyone started calling her immediately because they were completely flipping out.

By the time I checked my email, I saw her second email first, which said, “Please DISREGARD my first email that I MISTAKENLY sent out!” HA! I just called her and said, “Problems, Stacey?” To which I got, “Oh, shut the f*ck up! I was just trying to be proactive.” Then I think she called me a "Hooker." Apparently, she had already received a lecture from her husband about the limits of proactivity.

Oh, I love my friends. And I love that they’re just as neurotic as I am. I don’t know what I would do without them!

Too much Dora?

Okay, I may have mentioned how my daughter Georgia just absolutely LOVES Dora! So, tell me if this is good or bad.

We were talking to Georgia tonight about her birthday, which is in a couple of weeks. Eric asked, "Georgia, how old are you going to be?"

She looked up and screamed, "DOS!"

Oh, you have got be kidding me! Dude when Spanish is becoming her first languange, I think it might be time to cut back on the Dora!

Anniversary Present

Okay, Eric and I just bought a digital camcorder. Every year, we get a big present for both of us on our anniversary, and this is what we decided on this year. I am so excited. I have yet to sit down and read the directions. That’s probably coming this weekend. But when I do, watch out YouTube!

That’s right! You think you’re tired of reading about Georgia’s temper tantrums? Wait until I can whip out the camera and then upload them for your viewing enjoyment. Oh yeah, baby! Video Toddler Tales! It’s coming soon!

My 13 Favorite Appetizers

I must be PMSing, because I am thinking about food today. My friends and I will often go out to dinner, and just order a bunch of appetizers and share. This made me think what some of my favorite appetizers are. Here are my top 13 that I like to order just about anywhere.

1. Spinach and artichoke dip
2. Calamari
3. Potato skins
4. Mozzarella sticks
5. Stuffed mushrooms
6. Onion strings
7. Fried pickles
8. Chicken nachos
9. White queso dip
10. Crab Rangoon
11. Buffalo wings
12. Quesadillas
13. Pepperoni rolls

What do you like for a starter?





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Wordless Wednesday - Peace Out!

What's That Smell?

Today, Eric and I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary. I was going to post a wedding picture, but since I hadn’t quite let go of my big 80’s hair (at all) by 1994, I decided against it. Our anniversary didn’t really go as planned, since we spent most of the day dealing with an emergency pee situation.

Yes, I said pee situation. For some reason, Eli thinks that just since he has a penis he can point the thing anywhere he wants and pee. Dude! WTF?! I am concerned this is only going to get worse with age. I dread the teenage years. Especially when beer and snow are involved.

This time around, it just involved anything that contains an open space. A receptacle, if you will. A drawer, for example, in my son’s mind is a perfect container for pee. He had this decorative little drawer in his room that wasn’t attached to anything – it was just a decorative little cubby that he had had since he was a baby. Yesterday, after it had sat innocently in his room for nearly five years, he decided to pee in it. Apparently it was so much more difficult to walk down the hall to the bathroom than it was to get the little cubby down from his dresser and pee in that instead. Again, WTF?!

Eli was very upset that we had to throw away his little cubby. We had a long talk about the proper place to urinate, and I thought that had solved the matter.

No such luck.

I ran some errands this afternoon, and came home to Eric saying, “Come here and tell me if you think Eli’s room smells like pee.” Oh crap. Well, yes it most certainly did smell strongly of pee. I looked around to see which receptacle-based toy looked suspicious. Aha! Georgia’s Little Tikes shopping cart. Dude! Are you freaking kidding me?! We looked inside, and sure enough. It was wet. We sniffed. Eeewww! Damn!!!

We are really going to see if we can get it clean because she loves that thing, and I really don’t want to have to go out and buy a new one. But even worse is that, as you can imagine, these toys are not meant to hold any type of liquid. The pee that was in the cart had leaked out all over Eli’s rug. Luckily, he has hardwood floors in his room, so we just have a big area rug down. When Eric picked it up, it was dripping . . . with pee.

Talk about counting to ten. I think Eric had to count to 100 before he went to get Eli. He had Eli help him throw the rug away, which really upset him, and another long talk ensued about the proper place to pee. Apparently, he is just discovering how easy it is to whip that thing out and aim it wherever he pleases. Not cool, people!!

So I'm really hoping this second long talk about the proper place to urinate will sink in. But just in case, I think I’m going to go hide all my shoes.

Manic Monday - Peace

One good song with a message can bring a point more deeply to more people than a thousand rallies. - Phil Ochs

There is one song that pops into my head when I think of the word Peace. I have a feeling I am not going to be the only one who posts this today. Enjoy!




Don't forget to visit the Manic Monday Headquarters at It's A Blog Eat Blog World.

BlogBlast for Peace!

It's coming!

Get my banner code or create your own banner

Peace Globes are back, people! I hope you all are planning to participate in BlogBlast for Peace on June 6, 2007. Please check out Mimi Writes for more information on how to get your Peace Globe.

Busted Rings

Okay, I got a lot of questions yesterday from people wondering exactly what Magic Rings were. And how someone managed to bust one of them at a Passion Party. As you can see from the above photo, Magic Rings are stretchy C-rings. They fit snugly around the base of the male . . . to constrict bloodfloow and make orgasms more intense. The nubbies also provide stimulation for the female.

In the words of Tony the Tiger, "They're Grrrrrrreeeeeatttt!!"

They are quite stretchy. However a woman at my party the other night decided to stretch them as much as she could and wear them around her arms. Dude! Not cool! Had I not shown them already at about 30-40 parties, they would have probably withstood her abuse. But as it was, I found out just how sad it is when your Magic Ring busts. Not. Cool.

Incidentally, my son has already gotten a hold of some Magic Rings that Eric left on his night stand and cut them up with scissors. For some reason Magic Rings seem cursed to take a lot of abuse around here.

Now my plug: Magic Rings are available on My Web site in a set of two for only $10 at PassionsByNeila.com!

I am also having a Father's Day special! A FREE 8 oz. Ultra Glide Lubricant to anyone who purchases a Gigi! That's a $14 value!

Happy shopping!

Late Night

Okay, I really make it a policy not to talk about the specifics of my Passion Parties, but I have to give you an overview of the party I did last night.

Drunk. Catholic. School. Teachers.

I got home at 2:00 a.m.! They were crazy! They were a LOT of fun, but crazy! When I got to the party, and the hostess told me it was going to be a group of Catholic school teachers, I was expecting prim and proper. I was soooo wrong. These women knew how to party. I seriously think they were one of my rowdiest groups ever. Grade school teachers!

Dude! They broke my Magic Rings! I won't even go there. Needless to say, it was a good party, but I am so tired today. Those Catholic teachers wore me out.

13 Bob The Builder Videos That Sound Like Porn Flicks

As we were at the library today, and my son was choosing his two DVDs for the week, I couldn’t help but notice how many of the Bob the Builder videos just sound incredibly raunchy. Maybe I just have an extremely dirty mind, but there I was erupting into a hysterical inappropriate laughing fit right there in the children’s section of the library.

But, come on! You tell me! These are actual titles of Bob the Builder videos or individual episodes. I am not making any of them up! In fact, I had so much trouble narrowing my list to 13 that you get some alternates, too!

1. Mr. Bentley’s Trains

2. Bob’s Barnraising

3. Spud, the Super-Wrench

4. One Shot Wendy

5. Lofty and the Giant Carrot

6. Mr. Beasley’s New Friends

7. Tool Power!

8. Lofty’s Long Load

9. Wendy’s Big Night Out

10. Mr. Beasley’s Noisy Pipes

11. Lofty’s Jungle Fun

12. Travis Gets Lucky

13. A Surprise For Wendy

Runners up
Speedy Skip
Built To Be Wild
Bob’s X-Treme Adventures
Mr. Ellis’ Exhibition

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Eli's Quote of the Day

Today after I changed Georgia's diaper, Eli proclaimed,

"Now, she's as clean as a skunk!"

I just laughed and said, "Well yes, I suppose she is."

Wordless Wednesday - The Start of My Day

New Hardee's Commercial

Okay, who's seen the new Hardee's (or in some places, Carl's Jr.) commercial for their new Patty Melt?

I think it is wrong. My husband calls it edgy.

Edgy?! Oh what the hell ever! All I know is that his head pops up so fast every time this commercial comes on, I'm surprised he doesn't have whiplash yet.

I couldn't find it on YouTube, so you can view it here.

Dude! No! No. No. No. No. No. That is wrong!

Manic Monday - Red

Sorry I’m late today, kids. Maybe it’s the holiday, or the fact that the whole family is battling colds, or the fact that it has rained the entire holiday weekend. Grrrr.

Anyway, I have a story that fits perfectly with today’s theme. Today’s Manic Monday word is Red. At first I thought I could go patriotic. But I always try to do something a little different (as you can all attest from last week). I then thought I could post a great recipe for red velvet cupcakes.

Then we went to dinner on Friday. Just a quick dinner. Eric wanted Mexican food, and I wanted hamburgers. We went to Fuddruckers. I love that place just because the name sounds naughty. And they have great hamburgers. Eric warned me that was a mistake because they have video games and what not to attract kids. In my mind, I thought that would be better, because it was the type of establishment where we could get up and easily walk around with Georgia if she started her fit-throwing.

Well, she did flip out because she wanted out of the high chair. But she didn’t want to just run over and look at the games (which would have been fine), she wanted to climb on that thing that looks like a motorcycle with a screen in front of it and rocks side to side. You can imagine that was already occupied by a group of preteens. I was trying to drag Georgia away from it so she wouldn’t get stepped on. That caused her to throw herself on the ground and scream so loudly that I saw people behind the counter covering their ears.

Eric took her outside, and I went to go get boxes for our food so we could enjoy our dinner at home. I was boxing our dinner with Eli still running around and everyone staring at the mother of the loud girl, when a woman came up to me and said, “Nila? (she mispronounced my name) I thought that was you.” I looked up. Great. It was my old boss from like 12 years ago and she couldn’t even f*cking pronounce my name.

I said, “It’s NEILA! And hi.”

“Oh Neila. That’s right!” Then she proceeded to make small talk and ask what was wrong with my daughter. What is WRONG with my daughter?! Are you f*cking kidding me?! She’s two!! That’s what is WRONG with my daughter!

I finally got away from the woman, collected Eli, who was trying to shove his arm up the ball machine to see what he could get for free and went to get our free cookies so we could get out to the car. I’m sure Eric was wondering where the hell we were at this point, but you get a free cookie with your meal, and I sure as hell wasn’t leaving without that!

I get up to the counter, and I look at the girl with recognition as she smiles and says, “Well, hi!” I couldn’t believe this. It was the same girl who works the Walmart deli counter who gives us the popcorn chicken. The same girl who just last week made us popcorn chicken at 9:15 a.m. even though they don’t start making it until 9:30 a.m. just so Georgia wouldn’t throw a fit.

She said, “Was that your daughter crying?” *sigh* I got our cookies, grabbed Eli and got out of their before I ran into anyone else we knew.

Now, after reading all of this, you are probably wondering what the hell this has to do with Manic Monday. Well, here it is. I do NOT for the life of me understand what makes my daughter see RED. I try to appease her. I offer compromises. No deal. What do I do?! The toddler years are killing me, people. Killing. Me.

Something I Said I Would Never Do

We’re currently planning summer activities, and we’re going to be going to a lot of places like the zoo, and we’re taking the kids down to Silver Dollar City. Georgia, being the independent old age of two (almost), is no longer happy in a stroller.

Eric and I were sitting down last night trying to figure out how exactly we were going to handle this situation. I looked at him and I said, “Honey, we’re going to have to do it.”

“We’re going to have to put our daughter on a leash.”

There’s really just no other option I can think of. I love my spirited little gal, but I can’t keep her from running off at a restaurant for crissake. What the hell am I going to do at a theme park?

Before I had kids, I would see children on leashes, and think that was the most horrible thing ever. How could people ever ever do that to their children? How demeaning! Yeah, well, little did I know! Some kids need to be on leashes. Including mine.

And if I get any looks from those all-knowing people on their high horses with or without kids, they can go f*ck themselves.

Realization

This afternoon, I took my son Eli to a birthday part for his friend Gavin, a boy in his preschool class. Gavin’s mom, Carrie, is a doctor. I had met her a couple of times, but honestly I am more familiar with their nanny, so I don’t know the mom, Carrie that well.

Today at the party, I was talking to Gavin’s mom and told her that I just booked Eli’s birthday party next month and told her to keep the date open. She said, “Okay, that’s good to know because I usually work Saturdays.” I asked in what office she worked. (I didn’t even know what kind of a doctor she was.)

She answered, “Women’s Clinic of Johnson County.”

Me: “Really? You’re an OB/GYN? That’s where I go.”

Gavin’s Mom Carrie: “Who’s your doctor?”

Me: “Dr. Lofton.”

GMC: “I’m surprised I’ve never seen you before. I’ve seen a lot of her patients.”

That’s about the time a light bulb went on in my head. My eyes got wide and my mouth dropped open. It was the same look you get on your face when you’re watching a murder movie and you figure out who the killer is. Except my realization was:

THIS WOMAN HAS SEEN MY VAGINA!!

I can’t believe I didn’t remember her before now, but at that moment it came flooding back to me. I was at the end of my pregnancy with Georgia, and my doctor decided to go run a marathon in Paris (I seriously could have killed her for doing that when I was 36 weeks pregnant), and sent me to her partner – the new doctor, Carrie. CARRIE! Gavin’s Mom!

Obviously Carrie did not remember me. After all, she saw me for two appointments two years ago. So what did I say? I said, “Hmmm. I can’t recall that I’ve ever seen you in that office before.”

Denial is a beautiful thing. It’s much less awkward than socializing with a woman who has had her hand up my vajayjay.

Thirteen Websites I Love

1. Leo’s Lyrics Database – For all the random songs that I often have stuck in my head.

2. Internet Movie Database – For all the movies I often have stuck in my head. I seriously visit this site daily for various movie quotes, to view new trailers, to see who was in which movie with whom, to see how old a celebrity is, to see when a DVD will be released, etc., etc. Love this site!

3. Dictionary.com – Yes, I’m a geek. I love words. This is a great reference site, and it even has fun word games. Woo hoo!

4. Crime Library – Yes, I am a true crime buff, and this site has all the info on all the famous cases. I could sit and read for hours. Not that I would ever have the time . . .

5. Allrecipes.com – I have found tons of great recipes on this site. You can even do a search based on the ingredients you want to use.

6. The Straight Dope – As if I need anymore trivia packed inside my head. However, I do love this site. It has tons of little tidbits and fascinating trivia.

7. Dayscafe.com – My resource for all Days of Our Lives spoilers because I am a spoiler whore. I love them even though they hate me over at Days Café. I used to have a Days blog. I posted lots of spoilers, and credited and linked to Days Café. Well, they didn’t like that. Even though I gave them credit. The bastards.

8. Find a Death- Yes, I’m morbid. This is actually an incredibly interesting site. It relates the final moments of many dearly departed celebs, but that’s such a small part of it. I can’t even explain. Go, take a visit. You’ll be impressed.

9. Wiki Answers – A million times better than Yahoo Answers, and I’m not just saying that because I work for them. Really.

10. Urban Dictionary – Hey, I learn a hell of a lot from this site. I hope it’s still around in a few years so I know what the hell my kids are talking about when they are teenagers.

11. Snopes.com – Debunking those damn forwards that everyone sends me, one at a time.

12. XM Radio – I love my XM Radio. When I’m working on my laptop, I just log on to their Web site and listen online!

13. Just Jared – This is one of my favorite entertainment sites. I don’t really consider it a blog, per se, but if there is entertainment news or gossip, Jared has it!

Wordless Wednesday - Kitty Love

Restaurant Meme

Sadie tagged me for the Restaurant Meme! Yippee skippy! This is one that I’ve been excited about! These are the rules:


1. Link to the name of the person who tagged you.
2. Include the state and country you’re in.
3. List your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).
4. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.


I live in Overland Park, KS, USA (suburb of Kansas City, MO). My top five favorite places to eat (and boy was it hard to narrow it down) are:



1. Fiorella’s Jack Stack Barbecue – This is my absolute favorite restaurant. There is one blocks from my house here in OP, and there is one on the KC, MO side. They have the best freaking lamb ribs you have ever tasted in your life. Perfect sauce. AND the best side ever – cheesy corn bake. Oh yeah, baby! Even though this restaurant is only available in the KC area, you can buy their products through QVC. Go for it. Taste the heaven!


2. J. Alexander’s – I didn’t even realize this was a chain until five minutes ago when my husband informed me. Either way, they have awesome food. Anything from steak to chicken sandwiches, they are awesome. They have the best shoestring fries ever. And their desserts rock. Key lime pie, carrot cake and cheesecake to die for. Okay, I need to stop before I have an orgasm just talking about it.


3. Jalapeno’s – Mmmm . . . Best Mexican food in town. Love their homemade chips, but my favorite thing on their menu is the Jalepeno dip, a white cheese dip with jalepenos in it. It is amazing! They have damn good strawberry margaritas, too!


4. Tomfooleries – This place is located on the Country Club Plaza, and it has a very eclectic menu with all kinds of burgers and sandwiches. They have a great appetizer of fried pickles. Yum-o! And my favorite appetizer? Peanut butter fried chicken salad. Dude! It is the best thing ever! For dessert, don’t forget the smores. And top it off with a Mind Eraser to drink!


5. Spin! Pizza – Great local pizza place! I love the thin crust pizza. This place has an AWESOME chicken pizza that they make with a white cheese sauce. They serve it with a little side salad, and they sell gelato for dessert. It’s really perfect! You can even bring your own bottle of wine, and they will serve it to you!

Tag: Okay, considering everyone I would tag has done this already, how about this? If you are reading this, I tag you! Ha! But come on, this is a fun one!!

Beware of the Toddler

I was originally planning to save this picture for Wordless Wednesday. But I decided that if I posted a picture of my daughter in a cage, people might be asking questions. So, here’s the story.

By Saturday, I decided that my kids were waaaay overdue for haircuts. Eli looked like a little moppet, and I had already taken the scissors to Georgia’s hair twice since her last cut in an attempt to trim it. (Incidentally, I’ve been told never to go near her hair with a pair of scissors again.)

My friend Nichole used to work at Sheer Madness but recently quit to do Passion Parties full time. But since she loves me, she told me to bring the kids on over to her house and she would cut their hair.

Nichole is great with kids, but it was hilarious to see her WTF look when Eli walked in, plopped down on her couch and demanded to watch Noggin. Being a single 20-something with no children, Nichole didn’t know what the hell that was. I did. I found Noggin, which I hoped would keep the kids’ attention.

I needed them preoccupied because Saturday morning Nichole had decided to clean out the entire contents of her house. I think she had everything she owned dumped in the middle of her living room floor. It was a virtual toddler treasure trove.

Luckily, Georgia was more preoccupied with Nichole’s dog Angel. I’m not sure what kind of a dog Angel is, but she’s a little white fluffy poof of a thing, and she’s cute as can be. While Eli was getting his hair cut, Georgia found Angel’s cage, climbed inside and shut the door. Thank God for cell phone cameras.

I thought Georgia would be upset when she came to the realization that she had locked herself in a cage, but instead she just looked up at me and said “CHEESE!” OMG, that was hysterical!

I thought it was hysterical, anyway. Angel was pissed!

At least now I know what to get Georgia for her birthday. A cage! Who would have thought?!

Manic Monday - Graphic

Okay, I have already been informed (by my husband) that there is no reason for me to post this, even though it could get me the award for the most graphic post ever. And isn't that the point? This week's Manic Monday word is graphic.

I could seriously only think of one thing. I was drawing a blank. Morgen suggested I post a graph showing the number of red blood cells in my body compared to the caffeine blood cells. Not a bad idea, but it would be about 99.9 percent caffeine, so I thought that was too easy.

The one thing that came to my mind was the most graphic photo I have ever taken.

About two years ago, right before Georgia was born, we took Eli to the Blue Moose to satisfy my craving for fried pickles. Yum-o! At the Blue Moose, they always end the children's meal with a dish of ice cream or sherbet.

Well, this time, they served Eli a dish of bright turqoise ice cream. I think it was bubble gum flavored, but I have seriously never seen a color of ice cream that bright. Eli loved it, and inhaled the entire dish of ice cream.

The next day, I was going about my business, and went to change Eli's diaper. Yes, unfortunately this is before he was potty-trained. When I opened his diaper, I was not greeted by the usual poo, but I was greeted by bright turquoise poo. It was brighter than a turquoise Crayola crayon.

So, I did what any mother would do. I took a picture so I could email it to my husband at work. I mean, come on. I had to. I had never seen poo that color. Ever.

Even the picture didn't do it justice. It looks more green in the picture, but it was really BRIGHT turquoise. So, are you ready? Not for the faint of heart, here is the most graphic photograph I have ever taken.

Happy Manic Monday!

A Letter to Katie, the Barista at Starbucks

Dear Katie,

Since I come by Starbucks almost every day, I feel I can be honest with you. After all, we have been through a lot together. Just last week, you got me into trouble with my husband. I was on my cell phone with him as I placed my order over the drive-through speaker. Your sweet voice came back and said, “Oh, hi, Neila! I remember you from yesterday.”

I know you were trying to be nice, Katie, but you didn’t hear the loud, “WHAT?! They know you there, ALREADY?!” from my husband.

So, Katie it has come to this. I think you are trying to kill me. I don’t know why, but I truly feel that you have it in for me in some way. Katie, you are not stirring my drinks. I know you have spoons in there, Katie. I can see them through the drive-through window. Even if you couldn’t find a spoon, can’t you go grab one of the millions of little wooden stirrers that I know you people buy in bulk. Yes, it may take an extra five seconds, but it is the little things that count, Katie. And isn’t our relationship important enough for you to make that extra effort?

Last week when I came through, I ordered a triple venti nonfat iced mocha. First of all, Katie, you put in four shots. I know this because the ticket said, “Quad.” Do you not think I’m jittery enough as it is, Katie? Are you trying to raise my blood pressure even more? I am a naturally high-strung person, so please, no extra shots unless I ask.

On top of that, you put the coffee in the cup first and didn’t stir. Katie, I sucked up two shots of espresso in one sip of the straw. I was driving. And coughing. It was not pleasant. Did you deliberately want me to get into an accident? Why are you doing this to me, Katie?

Today, I came in again. And there you were, Katie. Happily working, acting as if you and I have not had these recent problems. I ordered my venti nonfat white mocha (hot). And you didn’t stir. This pains me. All the syrup is on the bottom of the cup, Katie. Do you think it stirs itself? I assure you, it does not.

I don’t want to break up with you, Katie. I really don’t. But if your heart isn’t fully in this relationship, you may force me to go to another coffee shop. Don’t do it, Katie. Don’t. Do. It.

13 Have You Evers . . . (#40)

Yes, before you ask, I HAVE done all of these . . .

1. Have you ever pulled up to a four-way stop sign and sat there waiting for it to turn green?

2. Have you ever left the house with baby throw up in your hair?

3. Have you ever skipped a shower two mornings in a row just so you have a little extra time to sleep in?

4. Have you ever put breast milk in your coffee because you were out of creamer?

5. Have you ever had your four-year-old tell you that you wouldn’t make a good slide because you’re too bumpy?

6. Have you ever had your two-year-old drop her sippy cup and then look at you and loudly scream, “OH SHIT!”

7. Have you ever had someone stop you on the street and ask, “Aren’t you the dildo lady?”

8. Have you ever been talking to a stranger, the whole time referring to yourself in the third person as “Mommy”?

9. Have you ever almost threw down with someone who cut in front of you in line for the bathroom?

10. Have you ever memorized the words to a Wiggles song, complete with dance moves?

11. Have you ever sang showtunes in the middle of Wal-mart just because it was the only thing that kept your toddler quiet?

12. Have you ever been screening your calls only to find out the person calling is standing right outside your front door?

13. Have you ever tried to get orange marker out of a cat?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Wordless Wednesday - Hide and Seek

The Tooth Fairy

In our house, we believe the tooth fairy lives across the street from the diaper fairy and the paci fairy. Yes, every time something has to go away, we blame it on said fairy. Maybe it’s a parental cop-out but it works for me. That way I have someone to blame it on.

When Eli was two (actually one week before his second birthday), he fell and broke his front tooth in half. It was not a pleasant experience. I took him into the dentist the next day, and since he had exposed the nerve, there was no way they could save the tooth. They told me they could pull it or put a crown over it.

Just FYI, if you are ever in this situation, have them pull the tooth. Looking back, I could have saved a hell of a lot of pain for Eli and money for me if I had just had the damn thing pulled. But no. I didn’t want Eli to go for several years with no front tooth, so I had them put on a crown. They had to strap him down to do it, and it was not pretty. But at least his teeth looked good. For about two months.

Then, his teeth started to grow. The little pimp tooth (I call it that because it’s silver on the back) stayed put. Here it is three years later, and the pimp tooth looks horrible. It stayed put and now looks like it is growing out of the front of his gums. Not. Pretty.

So, I made a dentist appointment because I just want to have the damn thing pulled. It would look so much better. Well, unfortunately, nothing is ever as easy as you think it is going to be. In my mind, we would walk in, they would pull the tooth and we would leave. Yeah, right.

First, just getting Eli in the chair was an ordeal. I’m sure he has memories of the past dental visits, so this is not something he enjoys. Getting him in the dentist’s chair was like wrestling a cat into a bathtub. Luckily, the dentist was very nice, so Eli seemed to calm down. He really liked that they let him play with all the tools and that he got to choose the flavor of tooth paste and fluoride. (Side note: Did you know they have cookie-dough flavored toothpaste??)

After X-rays, the dentist (who told me to call him “Gramps”) said that the reason the pimp tooth hadn’t grown was because it had attached itself to the bone. So, not only does it need to be pulled, but if we don’t pull it, it will hinder the growth of that adult tooth, causing it to grow up instead of down.

Fine with me – pull it!! Again, not that easy. Since it had attached to the bone, they couldn’t do it in the dentist’s office. Eli has to see an oral surgeon. He will actually have to be put under anesthesia so they can pull the damn tooth.

I am kicking the hell out of myself because this could have all been avoided if I had just had them pull the tooth three years ago. Grrrr!! So, they wrapped up our dental visit, and gave Eli his bag of goodies. Dude! When I was little, I got a toothbrush. Eli got a little sack with a Blue’s Clues toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, a little coloring book on dental care, and two toys off their cart that he got to choose himself.

Needless to say, he now LOVES going to the dentist! I just hope he feels that way after our visit to the oral surgeon. I called to make the appointment to have the tooth pulled, but they’re making us go in for a consultation first. Grrrr! How long can they drag this out?! I’m about ready to pull the damn tooth myself.

Not only that, but the oral surgeon’s name is Dr. Krueger. All I can think of is Nightmare on Elm Street. I have a sneaking suspicion this won’t go well. I certainly hope I’m wrong.

Manic Monday - Green

I hope you will all visit It's A Blog Eat Blog World for more information on Manic Monday. This week's Manic Monday word is Green.

Those of you over the age of 30 from a small Midwestern town may remember when you could go into a soda shop (yes, they still had a few back in the 70’s) and order a Green River. I was a big fan of these, but my husband remembers Green Rivers with so much nostalgia, it makes me want one all over again. Of course now a Green River can be made with Midori, which is totally different than the innocent lime-flavored soft drink, but I digress.

Here is the story of this great soft drink. The rise and fall of the Green River:

Green River soda hit it's stride about the same time as Prohibition, when the bright green lime flavored soft drink was produced by a Chicago Brewery and sold at soda fountains throughout the country. Green River soda was introduced to Midwestern drinkers in 1919, just as Congress was passing the 18th Amendment establishing Prohibition. When Prohibition officially went into effect on January 16, 1920, some breweries turned to making a nonalcoholic drink call Near Beer, while others were churning out ice cream. The Schoenhofen Edelweiss Brewing Company of Chicago turned to Green River. The soda was poured into old beer bottles and sold in the market. It was an immediate hit. The soft drink was so popular that Al Jolson recorded a song written about Green River.

By the end of Prohibition on December 5, 1933, Green River trailed only Coke in fountain sales throughout the Midwest. However, after Prohibition the brewery made Green River a second priority and sales dropped. In 1950 the brewery went broke.

In 1992 after a raft of owners, the 73-year-old brand was alive only in Seattle. Now Green River is on the rise again. Clover Club Bottling Co., Inc., an 85-year-old company, bought the brand and are expanding its bottler network.

So why is Green River coming back now? There is no other flavor like it on the market, and it has visual appeal with its bright green color. The brand takes people back to a pleasant time in their life, in the 1950's and 1960's - a time of corner soda fountains and drive-in movies. At first only the old timers were buying, but now everyone is.

Happy Mother's Day!

I am spending Mother's Day weekend at my parents' house, so I will blog more tomorrow. Mainly because their computer is slow, and I simply don't have the patience.

I am so delusional. I thought we would come down for a nice, relaxing Mother's Day weekend. Yet somehow, the kids ended up sunburned, Georgia came down with an ear infection, and we ate our celebratory Mother's Day dinner at the Steakhouse amidst screaming and crying. I did manage to get a few bites of steak in between hopping up and chasing Georgia across the restaurant.

And this was only after I ran into the mother of my high school arch-nemesis, who told me how much my daughter was like me. Is that because I have a beautiful daughter or because she was a screaming hellion? Hmmm . . . Not quite sure how to take that one.

We did finally manage to get the children to bed, and I then celebrated with a big bowl of coffee ice cream. All is well with the world.

When we get home on Sunday evening, Eric and the kids were planning to take me out for a nice dinner. After today's fiasco, I'm thinking take-out and a bottle of wine out on the deck will suffice just fine.

I hope your Mother's Day is filled with love, coffee, and no screaming.

Happy Mother's Day to all, and to all a good night!

Washing Machine Fiasco

Okay, I have been doing my own laundry for almost 20 years now. You would think I would have the hang of it. *sigh*

I got the bright idea the other day to wash ALL of the bedding in the house. I stripped the kids’ beds, and our bed. Everything was going along fine until I decided to wash the pillow-top thing on our mattress. I’m sure you all have seen these things. It’s almost like like a big down comforter on top of your mattress. Or as I like to say, it’s like sleeping on a cloud. Or at least it is for a little while.

After you sleep on the pillow top, it flattens out after awhile. There’s really nothing sadder than sleeping on a flattened out cloud, now is there? Well, maybe a broken down Gigi is sadder, but that’s another story entirely.

I got the bright idea that I could fluff the pillow topper back up if I washed it and dried it in the dryer. I looked at the tag and it said, “machine washable and tumble dry.” At least, that is what I read. Eric later pointed out that it said “front-load washing machines only.” WTF? To me, that means machine-washable. I didn’t quite see what the hell the difference was.

I drug my pillow-topper downstairs and began stuffing it in my top-loading washing machine. The fact that shoving it in there was such an ordeal should have really been a sign.

Once I got that mother in there, I started the machine and went back upstairs. After the cycle ran, I went down to move it to the dryer. I opened up the washing machine, and started trying to pull it out. I pulled and pulled and yanked and yanked and huffed and puffed, then took a break, and yanked some more. The damn thing did not freaking budge.

To say it was stuck would be an understatement. Apparently, it had wound itself around the agitator thing and gotten wedged underneath the agitator. It was jammed. I guess that’s the reason it was “front load only” as Eric would seethingly tell me later.

After working on trying to get that damn thing out for an hour and breaking two nails in the process, I finally gave up. I called Eric at work. I didn’t even go into what happened, I just started out with, “I think we need a new washer.” To which he replied, “What did you do?”

I was utterly offended. “Well, what do you mean what did I do?! What makes you think I did something?!”

Silence.

“Okay, fine,” I said. “I broke the damn washing machine.”

I explained the situation, and basically got a lot of loud sighs in response. When Eric got home, he went downstairs to assess the damage. After he worked on it for about an hour, he actually managed to get the damn thing out. Then I immediately stuffed in the dryer.

There was no agitator in there, so I was safe. It took about five hours to dry the damn thing, but at least it was clean. It did seem extremely lumpy, but that’s beside the point.

Unfortunately, even though we got the pillow topper out of the washing machine, I really do think it screwed up the agitator. Does anyone remember when you had to put chains on your tires when it snowed? Remember the sound they made when driving? Okay, that’s the sound my washing machine makes now.

My husband is Not. Happy. But I’m trying to stay optimistic. You may soon be reading a post about my brand new washing machine!

13 Things About Being a Mother

I recently got this as a forward, so some of you may have seen this already. I just thought in honor of Mother's Day, this would make a perfect Thursday Thirteen.

1. Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after having a baby. - That somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal" is history.

2. Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct. - That somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

3. Somebody said being a mother is boring. - That somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

4. Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, you're child will "turn out good." - That somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

5. Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices. - That somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

6. Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother. - That somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

7. Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first. - That somebody never had five children.

8. Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in books. - That somebody never had a child stuff M&M's up his nose or in his ears.

9. Somebody said the hardest part about being a mother is labor and delivery. - That somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

10. Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back. - That somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

11. Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married. - That somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

12. Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home. - That somebody never had grandchildren.

13. Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her. - That somebody isn't a mother.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Wordless Wednesday - I couldn't resist.

Embarrassment in Motherhood

You’re all quite familiar with my Georgia tantrum stories. Well, here’s one with a twist. In fact, this may be my most embarrassing mothering moment ever. Last week, I took my daughter with me to Kohl’s. I desperately needed to try on some clothes, so I decided I could take her to the dressing room and do it quickly. After all she was strapped into her stroller, right? (I admit – not my most brilliant moment.)

There I was in the dressing room, stripping down to my skivvies, and in seconds Georgia had shimmied and wiggled her way out of the straps and was climbing out of the stroller. Apparently looking at herself in the mirror wasn’t enough entertainment for her. She now had herself flattened to the floor with her little blonde head poked under the wall looking up at whoever was trying on jeans in the next dressing room.

I’m sure they heard my horrified whisper of “Georgia Grace! Stop that!” as I drug her back into the dressing room by her feet.

I’m not sure who invented these dressing rooms, but I’m guessing it was a man. No woman would ever make dressing rooms (or public bathrooms for that matter) with a wall that stops at your knees. The escape prospect of that is just too tantalizing for a toddler.

My attempts to put her back into the stroller only caused her to scream like a banshee, so I sat her back down on the floor and futilely tried to block her exit as I stripped down again so I could put my clothes back on. In the time it took me to pull my shirt off over my head, she was gone. Oh double crap.

I opened the door of my dressing room, and saw her chubby little legs going as fast as they could as she ran out of the dressing room area and into the store. I had no choice but to run after her even though I wasn’t dressed! I finally caught up with her in the middle of the women’s section. I’m not sure where she was going, but she certainly did not want to be picked up by mom and taken back to the dreaded stroller.

So, there I was in the middle of Kohl’s in only my bra and panties, bent over nonetheless, trying to wrestle my daughter who was screaming to high heaven and fighting me with every ounce of strength she had. You have never seen such resistance as this girl had when I tried to drag her back into the dressing room.

I’m not sure which was garnering more attention from onlookers – her tantrum or the site of an out-of-shape 35-year-old woman clad in her undies in the middle of a department store struggling with a 2-year-old.

I did finally manage to get Georgia back to the dressing room and get my clothes back on. (To top it all off, the pants I was trying on didn’t even fit!) I carried her out of the store in one arm while pushing the stroller with the other hand, and tried to avert my eyes as we left Kohl’s as quickly as possible. I’m not going back there unless I have a disguise.