Licking the 9-Volt

I occasionally do some brilliant things, but last week was one of my winners. With the whole car situation, all we needed was one more thing. And don’t you dare leave in my comments how “these things always come in threes” or I’ll start sending you spam emails.

Anyway, on Thursday afternoon, I was hanging out with Eli. He was napping on my bed, and I was sitting next to him working on my laptop. Around 2:00, my friend Stacey called. About 45 minutes later, I picked up the phone to make another call, and there was no dial tone. Well double crap. I went and checked the other phone, and it had no dial tone either.

Just what I needed. Phone issues. We had to leave to go pick up Eric from work, so I was hoping the phone might magically work by the time we got home. Unfortunately, it didn’t. I called the phone company on my cell. They told me that my phone was either off the hook or there was a short in the line, and they would send someone out the next day.

Eric said, “Well the phone’s not off the hook. Did anything happen in that 45 minutes that would have caused a short in the line?” Oh double crap again. In that 45 minutes, I happened to spill a glass of water. Eric just looked at me. We went back to the bedroom. Sure enough, I happen to spill it behind my night stand. Right on the phone jack.

Eric unscrewed the phone jack, and it was full of water. He dried it out, and disconnected the phone wires. After that, the other phones worked just fine. We didn’t use that particular jack anyway, and it never would have occurred to me that you could short out your own phone line! But if anyone is going to do it, it would be me.

I decided to keep my appointment with “the phone guy” anyway because I wanted to make sure all was safe and we weren’t going to die in an electrical fire. He showed up the next day, and I explained how my son (sue me) spilled water. He said it was fine, and it wouldn’t cause any problem. I asked him if he was sure it didn’t carry enough electrical current to do any harm.

He said, “Ma’am, it doesn’t carry enough of an electrical current to kill an ant. When your phone rings, if you put those wires on your tongue, you might feel it, but it would be like licking a 9-volt.”

I just stared at him. “I beg your pardon?”

He said, “Like licking a 9-volt battery. Haven’t you ever done that?”

Me: “Now why on earth would I EVER lick a 9-volt battery?”

Him: “Because it’s got the positive and negative on it, so that’s how you tell if it’s good.

Me: Blank stare.
Him: “You lick it, and if it’s good, it gives you a buzz. I thought everybody had done that!”

I guess you learn something new every day. I may not be well-versed in the art of licking batteries, but at least my phone works.