Conversations With A 5-Year-Old

Have you ever had moments with your children when they make you laugh, but you try really hard not to let them see you?

My son continues to amuse me daily. This morning, I was trying to catch Georgia so I could comb her hair. She was having none of this. I was chasing her around the house, and she was screaming, “NO! I don’t want comb your hair!” and running as fast as her little legs could carry her.

I was so exasperated, and I made the comment, “Georgia, why do you have to test me every morning?”

Eli piped up and said, “I don’t think she’s trying to test you, mama. I think she’s just trying to piss you off.”

Imagine me trying to calmly explain why we shouldn’t say that while inside I was going, “BWAHAHAHAHA!”

And just to outdo himself, tonight Eli and I were playing Operation. Every time the buzzer would go off, his little hand would reach down and grab his crotch. I stopped and said, “Eli, do you have to go potty?”

He just said, “No. It’s just that the buzzer makes my penis hurt.”

Blink. Blink. I didn’t quite know what to say to that one. “Okaaaay.”

We went on playing our game. Things were going fine until we got to the Charlie Horse. That is about the hardest piece to get out. Eli tried. Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzz. Then I tried. Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzzz.

By the end of the game, Eli was dancing around the room, both hands on his penis, shouting, “I don’t want to play anymore!”

Luckily, he felt immediately better as soon as we put the game away.