Who is that scary-ass man?

It’s that time once again – time for the kids to visit Santa for the annual holiday picture. I was so tired of past years when we have had to wait in line forever and listen to bitchy elves barking orders at us only to have Georgia scream her head off when she sees Santa.

This year, I decided to go early. I figured if nothing else, if we went before Thanksgiving, Santa wouldn’t be busy yet, and maybe we wouldn’t have to stand in line. That would alleviate at least be one part of the hassle.

On Sunday, we took the kids when the mall opened at 11 a.m. to see Santa and snap the annual photo. I was thrilled when I saw there actually wasn’t a line.

We twisted around the maze to get to Santa, and Eli – who had been chattering away in the car about the millions of items he wanted for Christmas – clammed up. Georgia took one look at Santa and wrapped her arms in a death grip around my neck, screaming, “NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOO! I DON’T LIKE IT! NOOOOO!” Well, crap.

Eric and the elves who take the photo were looking at me like, “It doesn’t look like she’s going to sit on Santa’s lap.” Oh, you wanna freakin bet? I came here to get a picture of the kids with Santa and that’s what I’m going to do. I pried her little arms off of my neck and sat her on Santa’s lap. By the scream she gave, you would have thought I was selling her into slave labor. (Yes, I’m horrible, but dammit, I wanted my Santa picture.)

I looked at the photo elf and said, “Take the picture. Now. I don’t care if she’s screaming.” That in itself was hard enough because Georgia was covering her sobbing face trying not to look at Santa. But we did finally get a picture. (I know you desperately want to see it, but that is this week’s Wordless Wednesday, so you’ll have to come back tomorrow.)

The elves were getting annoyed with me because I wanted them to snap more shots. In every photo where you could see Georgia’s face, Eli was making a weird face. Dude! This was not going well.

Finally, I took my screaming daughter from Santa and then just tried to get Eli to talk. I said, “Eli, did you ask Santa what kind of cookies we should make him for Christmas Eve?” Eli said nothing, and at that point, there was a line forming behind us. People were looking annoyed.

Oh fine. I took the kids and got my picture. As I was waiting on the picture, I looked at the three kids who were up next. They sat right down on Santa’s lap and put on big smiles for the camera. The little bastards.