The Saboteur

I’ve complained for two days straight now about my massive headache which I think is a combination of a messy house, two loud children, a friend’s cheating husband, no sleep, and I’m beginning to think waaaay too much caffeine. I thought caffeine was supposed to help headaches, but I’m here to tell you after a four-shot latte, a hot chocolate and some Excedrin Migraine, all it does is keep you extremely alert, so you’re awake to suffer. What kind of twisted sadist came up with that?

Anyway, today I thought I might have a chance to rest. As evidenced by yesterday’s Thursday Thirteen, rest is not something that is really an option when you’re home all day with the children.

Well, Eli had preschool this morning – first day back after the holidays, thank the freaking Lord! But I digress. After he got home, I thought this would be a perfect time for me to turn on a DVD for him, put Georgia down for a nap, drug up and lie down with a cold cloth over my head.

Even better, Eli informed me that he was “really, really tired.” Dare I hope? I could not believe it when he actually curled up in front of the TV, covered up with a blanket and fell asleep. This kid NEVER naps anymore. Mother f*cking SCORE!!!! I couldn’t believe it! I was actually going to get a nap because Georgia always sleeps for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

After Eli fell asleep, I immediately changed Georgia’s diaper and got her a bottle, put her in her crib and turned her music on. . . . . and she didn’t fall asleep. I waited. . . and waited . . . and she didn’t fall asleep. After an hour, I went in to get her. I thought maybe she had pooped. No poop. She was just wide awake and happy to see me. Grrrrr.

I changed her anyway, gave her another bottle and told her it was time for night night. She did the sign for night night as if she understood, so I put her back in her crib. . . And she didn’t fall asleep. I waited some more . . . and she didn’t fall asleep. Not only that, but she was so pissed I put her back in her room that she woke Eli up as well. I waited until I was sure I was composed enough not to toss her out the window, and I went and got her.

You know it’s not a good afternoon when you’re looking at your baby and crying, “Why do you hate me?!” She responded by giggling and poking me in the nose. The little wench.

Needless to say, I never got my nap. And I still have my headache. If it’s not better tomorrow, I’m calling my 12-year-old doctor.