13 Reasons My Daughter Won't Nap

This week’s Thursday Thirteen was inspired by this afternoon’s events. I tried for two hours to get my daughter down for a nap. Nine of these thirteen happened today!

1. My cat – Maybe it’s because he’s part Siamese, but my cat has this incessant meow. It doesn’t even sound like a meow. It sounds like a loud low-pitched moan. He does it for no other reason than to piss me off. He had food and water, so there was no other reason for him to sit outside Georgia’s room and meow other than his apparent death wish.

2. My neighbor – My neighbor decided to mow his freaking lawn right after I put Georgia down. It’s November for crissake! Who the hell mows their lawn in November?!

3. Tornado siren – Every week, the city decides to test the tornado siren. Again, it’s November!!!! We are well past tornado season. Anyway, they’re supposed to test it at the same time every week. They don’t. They specifically wait just until my daughter has dozed off. The bastards.

4. Eli – For a skinny boy, my son sounds like a herd of elephants running down the hall. As soon as Georgia starts to doze, he bounds past her room to the bathroom right across the hall and slams the door. Georgia’s screaming ensues.

5. Telephone – I am going to rip that damn thing out of the wall. It’s not like it just rings once during her naptime. It rings off the damn hook.

6. UPS Man – Between Passion Parties and Discovery Toys, he comes often. Does he have to beat on the f*cking door every time he leaves a package. That is not necessary. Eventually I will notice there is a box on my doorstep.

7. Poop – Invariably Georgia waits until I put her down for her nap to poop. Then she cries until I come to change her. *sigh* The children are trying to gaslight me.

8. Batteries – Of all the damn things that could go wrong, the batteries in Georgia’s music attached to her crib went out. She was extremely pissed off when she pushed that little button and nothing happened.

9. Pacifier – I clip the damn thing to her shirt, and she still manages to lose it. I have decided that she rips it off and throws it out of the crib the second I leave her room just so I will come back in.

10. Kids playing outside – It amazes me how much noise small children can make outside. I felt like taking out the little punks with a bibi gun.

11. TV – This really goes under the Eli category. I always try to sit him in front of the TV when Georgia naps in hopes of keeping him quiet. Unfortunately he feels the need to turn up the TV and sing and dance (jump) when a good song comes on Noggin. Grrrrr . . .

12. Teeth – Two more molars popped through this week. My life would be much easier if Georgia would let me give her Tylenol. But no. She would rather stand in her crib, cry and chew on her fingers.

13. Me – By the time the child did fall asleep today, I had to turn around and wake her up because we had to leave for an appointment. Yes, I tried for two hours to get her down and then woke her up after an hour and a half. I’m sure she does not appreciate mommy’s cruel joke.

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Tag Team Sleeping

I know I bitch incessantly about my lack of sleep, but hey – you’re reading a mommy blog! My children have now formed a conspiracy against me. They believe by not allowing me to sleep at all, they can drive me insane. I think it’s their plan for me to eventually snap and lapse into a catatonic state so they can do nothing but eat candy and watch TV all day.

I slept about three hours last night. I wonder if it would be possible for me to vacation for a few months and come back when all of Georgia’s teeth have grown in. Hmmm . . .

By the time I finally got her down for a nap today, Eli was wide awake. I parked him in front of the TV and told him that mommy desperately needed a nap. After about an hour, I heard him . . . well, I’m not quite sure what the hell he was doing. He was outside of Georgia’s room being loud. He then went into her room and loudly said, “See ya later, alligator!” and slammed her door. WTF?!!!!

Georgia started crying, and I tried desperately to control myself from tossing my son out the nearest window.

Do you ever get so tired that you just want to cry?

Tonight, when I finally got Georgia down, and turned my attention to Eli, I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, I can get them both to bed early and then I could actually sleep. As if on cue, Eli grabbed his ear and started crying. Oh no. HELL NO! You have GOT to be kidding me?! Why is the universe playing such a cruel joke? I gave Eli a big dose of ibuprofen, and some ear drops left over from his last ear infection until his screams quieted to a dull moan.

I feel so sorry for him. I had an ear infection last year when I was pregnant with Georgia, and I was reminded of how much those damn things hurt!!! I really can’t stand to see my children in pain. Be it teething or ear infection. It just about kills me.

So, I am off to check on Eli again. We have the portable DVD player set up in his room, and hopefully that we keep his attention until he is able to fall asleep.

After all of that, Eric just came in and said, “We really need to try to get Georgia off of her pacifier.” When he saw the look on my face, he slowly started to back up. I said, “Do you have ANY f*cking idea the day I have had with her, and you want to take away the ONLY thing that soothes her a little bit?! Have you lost your f*cking mind?!”

He scurried away.

Yeah, I thought so.