13 Bob The Builder Videos That Sound Like Porn Flicks

As we were at the library today, and my son was choosing his two DVDs for the week, I couldn’t help but notice how many of the Bob the Builder videos just sound incredibly raunchy. Maybe I just have an extremely dirty mind, but there I was erupting into a hysterical inappropriate laughing fit right there in the children’s section of the library.

But, come on! You tell me! These are actual titles of Bob the Builder videos or individual episodes. I am not making any of them up! In fact, I had so much trouble narrowing my list to 13 that you get some alternates, too!

1. Mr. Bentley’s Trains

2. Bob’s Barnraising

3. Spud, the Super-Wrench

4. One Shot Wendy

5. Lofty and the Giant Carrot

6. Mr. Beasley’s New Friends

7. Tool Power!

8. Lofty’s Long Load

9. Wendy’s Big Night Out

10. Mr. Beasley’s Noisy Pipes

11. Lofty’s Jungle Fun

12. Travis Gets Lucky

13. A Surprise For Wendy

Runners up
Speedy Skip
Built To Be Wild
Bob’s X-Treme Adventures
Mr. Ellis’ Exhibition

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Eli's Quote of the Day

Today after I changed Georgia's diaper, Eli proclaimed,

"Now, she's as clean as a skunk!"

I just laughed and said, "Well yes, I suppose she is."

Wordless Wednesday - The Start of My Day

New Hardee's Commercial

Okay, who's seen the new Hardee's (or in some places, Carl's Jr.) commercial for their new Patty Melt?

I think it is wrong. My husband calls it edgy.

Edgy?! Oh what the hell ever! All I know is that his head pops up so fast every time this commercial comes on, I'm surprised he doesn't have whiplash yet.

I couldn't find it on YouTube, so you can view it here.

Dude! No! No. No. No. No. No. That is wrong!

Manic Monday - Red

Sorry I’m late today, kids. Maybe it’s the holiday, or the fact that the whole family is battling colds, or the fact that it has rained the entire holiday weekend. Grrrr.

Anyway, I have a story that fits perfectly with today’s theme. Today’s Manic Monday word is Red. At first I thought I could go patriotic. But I always try to do something a little different (as you can all attest from last week). I then thought I could post a great recipe for red velvet cupcakes.

Then we went to dinner on Friday. Just a quick dinner. Eric wanted Mexican food, and I wanted hamburgers. We went to Fuddruckers. I love that place just because the name sounds naughty. And they have great hamburgers. Eric warned me that was a mistake because they have video games and what not to attract kids. In my mind, I thought that would be better, because it was the type of establishment where we could get up and easily walk around with Georgia if she started her fit-throwing.

Well, she did flip out because she wanted out of the high chair. But she didn’t want to just run over and look at the games (which would have been fine), she wanted to climb on that thing that looks like a motorcycle with a screen in front of it and rocks side to side. You can imagine that was already occupied by a group of preteens. I was trying to drag Georgia away from it so she wouldn’t get stepped on. That caused her to throw herself on the ground and scream so loudly that I saw people behind the counter covering their ears.

Eric took her outside, and I went to go get boxes for our food so we could enjoy our dinner at home. I was boxing our dinner with Eli still running around and everyone staring at the mother of the loud girl, when a woman came up to me and said, “Nila? (she mispronounced my name) I thought that was you.” I looked up. Great. It was my old boss from like 12 years ago and she couldn’t even f*cking pronounce my name.

I said, “It’s NEILA! And hi.”

“Oh Neila. That’s right!” Then she proceeded to make small talk and ask what was wrong with my daughter. What is WRONG with my daughter?! Are you f*cking kidding me?! She’s two!! That’s what is WRONG with my daughter!

I finally got away from the woman, collected Eli, who was trying to shove his arm up the ball machine to see what he could get for free and went to get our free cookies so we could get out to the car. I’m sure Eric was wondering where the hell we were at this point, but you get a free cookie with your meal, and I sure as hell wasn’t leaving without that!

I get up to the counter, and I look at the girl with recognition as she smiles and says, “Well, hi!” I couldn’t believe this. It was the same girl who works the Walmart deli counter who gives us the popcorn chicken. The same girl who just last week made us popcorn chicken at 9:15 a.m. even though they don’t start making it until 9:30 a.m. just so Georgia wouldn’t throw a fit.

She said, “Was that your daughter crying?” *sigh* I got our cookies, grabbed Eli and got out of their before I ran into anyone else we knew.

Now, after reading all of this, you are probably wondering what the hell this has to do with Manic Monday. Well, here it is. I do NOT for the life of me understand what makes my daughter see RED. I try to appease her. I offer compromises. No deal. What do I do?! The toddler years are killing me, people. Killing. Me.

Something I Said I Would Never Do

We’re currently planning summer activities, and we’re going to be going to a lot of places like the zoo, and we’re taking the kids down to Silver Dollar City. Georgia, being the independent old age of two (almost), is no longer happy in a stroller.

Eric and I were sitting down last night trying to figure out how exactly we were going to handle this situation. I looked at him and I said, “Honey, we’re going to have to do it.”

“We’re going to have to put our daughter on a leash.”

There’s really just no other option I can think of. I love my spirited little gal, but I can’t keep her from running off at a restaurant for crissake. What the hell am I going to do at a theme park?

Before I had kids, I would see children on leashes, and think that was the most horrible thing ever. How could people ever ever do that to their children? How demeaning! Yeah, well, little did I know! Some kids need to be on leashes. Including mine.

And if I get any looks from those all-knowing people on their high horses with or without kids, they can go f*ck themselves.

Realization

This afternoon, I took my son Eli to a birthday part for his friend Gavin, a boy in his preschool class. Gavin’s mom, Carrie, is a doctor. I had met her a couple of times, but honestly I am more familiar with their nanny, so I don’t know the mom, Carrie that well.

Today at the party, I was talking to Gavin’s mom and told her that I just booked Eli’s birthday party next month and told her to keep the date open. She said, “Okay, that’s good to know because I usually work Saturdays.” I asked in what office she worked. (I didn’t even know what kind of a doctor she was.)

She answered, “Women’s Clinic of Johnson County.”

Me: “Really? You’re an OB/GYN? That’s where I go.”

Gavin’s Mom Carrie: “Who’s your doctor?”

Me: “Dr. Lofton.”

GMC: “I’m surprised I’ve never seen you before. I’ve seen a lot of her patients.”

That’s about the time a light bulb went on in my head. My eyes got wide and my mouth dropped open. It was the same look you get on your face when you’re watching a murder movie and you figure out who the killer is. Except my realization was:

THIS WOMAN HAS SEEN MY VAGINA!!

I can’t believe I didn’t remember her before now, but at that moment it came flooding back to me. I was at the end of my pregnancy with Georgia, and my doctor decided to go run a marathon in Paris (I seriously could have killed her for doing that when I was 36 weeks pregnant), and sent me to her partner – the new doctor, Carrie. CARRIE! Gavin’s Mom!

Obviously Carrie did not remember me. After all, she saw me for two appointments two years ago. So what did I say? I said, “Hmmm. I can’t recall that I’ve ever seen you in that office before.”

Denial is a beautiful thing. It’s much less awkward than socializing with a woman who has had her hand up my vajayjay.

Thirteen Websites I Love

1. Leo’s Lyrics Database – For all the random songs that I often have stuck in my head.

2. Internet Movie Database – For all the movies I often have stuck in my head. I seriously visit this site daily for various movie quotes, to view new trailers, to see who was in which movie with whom, to see how old a celebrity is, to see when a DVD will be released, etc., etc. Love this site!

3. Dictionary.com – Yes, I’m a geek. I love words. This is a great reference site, and it even has fun word games. Woo hoo!

4. Crime Library – Yes, I am a true crime buff, and this site has all the info on all the famous cases. I could sit and read for hours. Not that I would ever have the time . . .

5. Allrecipes.com – I have found tons of great recipes on this site. You can even do a search based on the ingredients you want to use.

6. The Straight Dope – As if I need anymore trivia packed inside my head. However, I do love this site. It has tons of little tidbits and fascinating trivia.

7. Dayscafe.com – My resource for all Days of Our Lives spoilers because I am a spoiler whore. I love them even though they hate me over at Days Café. I used to have a Days blog. I posted lots of spoilers, and credited and linked to Days Café. Well, they didn’t like that. Even though I gave them credit. The bastards.

8. Find a Death- Yes, I’m morbid. This is actually an incredibly interesting site. It relates the final moments of many dearly departed celebs, but that’s such a small part of it. I can’t even explain. Go, take a visit. You’ll be impressed.

9. Wiki Answers – A million times better than Yahoo Answers, and I’m not just saying that because I work for them. Really.

10. Urban Dictionary – Hey, I learn a hell of a lot from this site. I hope it’s still around in a few years so I know what the hell my kids are talking about when they are teenagers.

11. Snopes.com – Debunking those damn forwards that everyone sends me, one at a time.

12. XM Radio – I love my XM Radio. When I’m working on my laptop, I just log on to their Web site and listen online!

13. Just Jared – This is one of my favorite entertainment sites. I don’t really consider it a blog, per se, but if there is entertainment news or gossip, Jared has it!

Wordless Wednesday - Kitty Love

Restaurant Meme

Sadie tagged me for the Restaurant Meme! Yippee skippy! This is one that I’ve been excited about! These are the rules:


1. Link to the name of the person who tagged you.
2. Include the state and country you’re in.
3. List your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).
4. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.


I live in Overland Park, KS, USA (suburb of Kansas City, MO). My top five favorite places to eat (and boy was it hard to narrow it down) are:



1. Fiorella’s Jack Stack Barbecue – This is my absolute favorite restaurant. There is one blocks from my house here in OP, and there is one on the KC, MO side. They have the best freaking lamb ribs you have ever tasted in your life. Perfect sauce. AND the best side ever – cheesy corn bake. Oh yeah, baby! Even though this restaurant is only available in the KC area, you can buy their products through QVC. Go for it. Taste the heaven!


2. J. Alexander’s – I didn’t even realize this was a chain until five minutes ago when my husband informed me. Either way, they have awesome food. Anything from steak to chicken sandwiches, they are awesome. They have the best shoestring fries ever. And their desserts rock. Key lime pie, carrot cake and cheesecake to die for. Okay, I need to stop before I have an orgasm just talking about it.


3. Jalapeno’s – Mmmm . . . Best Mexican food in town. Love their homemade chips, but my favorite thing on their menu is the Jalepeno dip, a white cheese dip with jalepenos in it. It is amazing! They have damn good strawberry margaritas, too!


4. Tomfooleries – This place is located on the Country Club Plaza, and it has a very eclectic menu with all kinds of burgers and sandwiches. They have a great appetizer of fried pickles. Yum-o! And my favorite appetizer? Peanut butter fried chicken salad. Dude! It is the best thing ever! For dessert, don’t forget the smores. And top it off with a Mind Eraser to drink!


5. Spin! Pizza – Great local pizza place! I love the thin crust pizza. This place has an AWESOME chicken pizza that they make with a white cheese sauce. They serve it with a little side salad, and they sell gelato for dessert. It’s really perfect! You can even bring your own bottle of wine, and they will serve it to you!

Tag: Okay, considering everyone I would tag has done this already, how about this? If you are reading this, I tag you! Ha! But come on, this is a fun one!!

Beware of the Toddler

I was originally planning to save this picture for Wordless Wednesday. But I decided that if I posted a picture of my daughter in a cage, people might be asking questions. So, here’s the story.

By Saturday, I decided that my kids were waaaay overdue for haircuts. Eli looked like a little moppet, and I had already taken the scissors to Georgia’s hair twice since her last cut in an attempt to trim it. (Incidentally, I’ve been told never to go near her hair with a pair of scissors again.)

My friend Nichole used to work at Sheer Madness but recently quit to do Passion Parties full time. But since she loves me, she told me to bring the kids on over to her house and she would cut their hair.

Nichole is great with kids, but it was hilarious to see her WTF look when Eli walked in, plopped down on her couch and demanded to watch Noggin. Being a single 20-something with no children, Nichole didn’t know what the hell that was. I did. I found Noggin, which I hoped would keep the kids’ attention.

I needed them preoccupied because Saturday morning Nichole had decided to clean out the entire contents of her house. I think she had everything she owned dumped in the middle of her living room floor. It was a virtual toddler treasure trove.

Luckily, Georgia was more preoccupied with Nichole’s dog Angel. I’m not sure what kind of a dog Angel is, but she’s a little white fluffy poof of a thing, and she’s cute as can be. While Eli was getting his hair cut, Georgia found Angel’s cage, climbed inside and shut the door. Thank God for cell phone cameras.

I thought Georgia would be upset when she came to the realization that she had locked herself in a cage, but instead she just looked up at me and said “CHEESE!” OMG, that was hysterical!

I thought it was hysterical, anyway. Angel was pissed!

At least now I know what to get Georgia for her birthday. A cage! Who would have thought?!

Manic Monday - Graphic

Okay, I have already been informed (by my husband) that there is no reason for me to post this, even though it could get me the award for the most graphic post ever. And isn't that the point? This week's Manic Monday word is graphic.

I could seriously only think of one thing. I was drawing a blank. Morgen suggested I post a graph showing the number of red blood cells in my body compared to the caffeine blood cells. Not a bad idea, but it would be about 99.9 percent caffeine, so I thought that was too easy.

The one thing that came to my mind was the most graphic photo I have ever taken.

About two years ago, right before Georgia was born, we took Eli to the Blue Moose to satisfy my craving for fried pickles. Yum-o! At the Blue Moose, they always end the children's meal with a dish of ice cream or sherbet.

Well, this time, they served Eli a dish of bright turqoise ice cream. I think it was bubble gum flavored, but I have seriously never seen a color of ice cream that bright. Eli loved it, and inhaled the entire dish of ice cream.

The next day, I was going about my business, and went to change Eli's diaper. Yes, unfortunately this is before he was potty-trained. When I opened his diaper, I was not greeted by the usual poo, but I was greeted by bright turquoise poo. It was brighter than a turquoise Crayola crayon.

So, I did what any mother would do. I took a picture so I could email it to my husband at work. I mean, come on. I had to. I had never seen poo that color. Ever.

Even the picture didn't do it justice. It looks more green in the picture, but it was really BRIGHT turquoise. So, are you ready? Not for the faint of heart, here is the most graphic photograph I have ever taken.

Happy Manic Monday!

A Letter to Katie, the Barista at Starbucks

Dear Katie,

Since I come by Starbucks almost every day, I feel I can be honest with you. After all, we have been through a lot together. Just last week, you got me into trouble with my husband. I was on my cell phone with him as I placed my order over the drive-through speaker. Your sweet voice came back and said, “Oh, hi, Neila! I remember you from yesterday.”

I know you were trying to be nice, Katie, but you didn’t hear the loud, “WHAT?! They know you there, ALREADY?!” from my husband.

So, Katie it has come to this. I think you are trying to kill me. I don’t know why, but I truly feel that you have it in for me in some way. Katie, you are not stirring my drinks. I know you have spoons in there, Katie. I can see them through the drive-through window. Even if you couldn’t find a spoon, can’t you go grab one of the millions of little wooden stirrers that I know you people buy in bulk. Yes, it may take an extra five seconds, but it is the little things that count, Katie. And isn’t our relationship important enough for you to make that extra effort?

Last week when I came through, I ordered a triple venti nonfat iced mocha. First of all, Katie, you put in four shots. I know this because the ticket said, “Quad.” Do you not think I’m jittery enough as it is, Katie? Are you trying to raise my blood pressure even more? I am a naturally high-strung person, so please, no extra shots unless I ask.

On top of that, you put the coffee in the cup first and didn’t stir. Katie, I sucked up two shots of espresso in one sip of the straw. I was driving. And coughing. It was not pleasant. Did you deliberately want me to get into an accident? Why are you doing this to me, Katie?

Today, I came in again. And there you were, Katie. Happily working, acting as if you and I have not had these recent problems. I ordered my venti nonfat white mocha (hot). And you didn’t stir. This pains me. All the syrup is on the bottom of the cup, Katie. Do you think it stirs itself? I assure you, it does not.

I don’t want to break up with you, Katie. I really don’t. But if your heart isn’t fully in this relationship, you may force me to go to another coffee shop. Don’t do it, Katie. Don’t. Do. It.

13 Have You Evers . . . (#40)

Yes, before you ask, I HAVE done all of these . . .

1. Have you ever pulled up to a four-way stop sign and sat there waiting for it to turn green?

2. Have you ever left the house with baby throw up in your hair?

3. Have you ever skipped a shower two mornings in a row just so you have a little extra time to sleep in?

4. Have you ever put breast milk in your coffee because you were out of creamer?

5. Have you ever had your four-year-old tell you that you wouldn’t make a good slide because you’re too bumpy?

6. Have you ever had your two-year-old drop her sippy cup and then look at you and loudly scream, “OH SHIT!”

7. Have you ever had someone stop you on the street and ask, “Aren’t you the dildo lady?”

8. Have you ever been talking to a stranger, the whole time referring to yourself in the third person as “Mommy”?

9. Have you ever almost threw down with someone who cut in front of you in line for the bathroom?

10. Have you ever memorized the words to a Wiggles song, complete with dance moves?

11. Have you ever sang showtunes in the middle of Wal-mart just because it was the only thing that kept your toddler quiet?

12. Have you ever been screening your calls only to find out the person calling is standing right outside your front door?

13. Have you ever tried to get orange marker out of a cat?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Wordless Wednesday - Hide and Seek

The Tooth Fairy

In our house, we believe the tooth fairy lives across the street from the diaper fairy and the paci fairy. Yes, every time something has to go away, we blame it on said fairy. Maybe it’s a parental cop-out but it works for me. That way I have someone to blame it on.

When Eli was two (actually one week before his second birthday), he fell and broke his front tooth in half. It was not a pleasant experience. I took him into the dentist the next day, and since he had exposed the nerve, there was no way they could save the tooth. They told me they could pull it or put a crown over it.

Just FYI, if you are ever in this situation, have them pull the tooth. Looking back, I could have saved a hell of a lot of pain for Eli and money for me if I had just had the damn thing pulled. But no. I didn’t want Eli to go for several years with no front tooth, so I had them put on a crown. They had to strap him down to do it, and it was not pretty. But at least his teeth looked good. For about two months.

Then, his teeth started to grow. The little pimp tooth (I call it that because it’s silver on the back) stayed put. Here it is three years later, and the pimp tooth looks horrible. It stayed put and now looks like it is growing out of the front of his gums. Not. Pretty.

So, I made a dentist appointment because I just want to have the damn thing pulled. It would look so much better. Well, unfortunately, nothing is ever as easy as you think it is going to be. In my mind, we would walk in, they would pull the tooth and we would leave. Yeah, right.

First, just getting Eli in the chair was an ordeal. I’m sure he has memories of the past dental visits, so this is not something he enjoys. Getting him in the dentist’s chair was like wrestling a cat into a bathtub. Luckily, the dentist was very nice, so Eli seemed to calm down. He really liked that they let him play with all the tools and that he got to choose the flavor of tooth paste and fluoride. (Side note: Did you know they have cookie-dough flavored toothpaste??)

After X-rays, the dentist (who told me to call him “Gramps”) said that the reason the pimp tooth hadn’t grown was because it had attached itself to the bone. So, not only does it need to be pulled, but if we don’t pull it, it will hinder the growth of that adult tooth, causing it to grow up instead of down.

Fine with me – pull it!! Again, not that easy. Since it had attached to the bone, they couldn’t do it in the dentist’s office. Eli has to see an oral surgeon. He will actually have to be put under anesthesia so they can pull the damn tooth.

I am kicking the hell out of myself because this could have all been avoided if I had just had them pull the tooth three years ago. Grrrr!! So, they wrapped up our dental visit, and gave Eli his bag of goodies. Dude! When I was little, I got a toothbrush. Eli got a little sack with a Blue’s Clues toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, a little coloring book on dental care, and two toys off their cart that he got to choose himself.

Needless to say, he now LOVES going to the dentist! I just hope he feels that way after our visit to the oral surgeon. I called to make the appointment to have the tooth pulled, but they’re making us go in for a consultation first. Grrrr! How long can they drag this out?! I’m about ready to pull the damn tooth myself.

Not only that, but the oral surgeon’s name is Dr. Krueger. All I can think of is Nightmare on Elm Street. I have a sneaking suspicion this won’t go well. I certainly hope I’m wrong.

Manic Monday - Green

I hope you will all visit It's A Blog Eat Blog World for more information on Manic Monday. This week's Manic Monday word is Green.

Those of you over the age of 30 from a small Midwestern town may remember when you could go into a soda shop (yes, they still had a few back in the 70’s) and order a Green River. I was a big fan of these, but my husband remembers Green Rivers with so much nostalgia, it makes me want one all over again. Of course now a Green River can be made with Midori, which is totally different than the innocent lime-flavored soft drink, but I digress.

Here is the story of this great soft drink. The rise and fall of the Green River:

Green River soda hit it's stride about the same time as Prohibition, when the bright green lime flavored soft drink was produced by a Chicago Brewery and sold at soda fountains throughout the country. Green River soda was introduced to Midwestern drinkers in 1919, just as Congress was passing the 18th Amendment establishing Prohibition. When Prohibition officially went into effect on January 16, 1920, some breweries turned to making a nonalcoholic drink call Near Beer, while others were churning out ice cream. The Schoenhofen Edelweiss Brewing Company of Chicago turned to Green River. The soda was poured into old beer bottles and sold in the market. It was an immediate hit. The soft drink was so popular that Al Jolson recorded a song written about Green River.

By the end of Prohibition on December 5, 1933, Green River trailed only Coke in fountain sales throughout the Midwest. However, after Prohibition the brewery made Green River a second priority and sales dropped. In 1950 the brewery went broke.

In 1992 after a raft of owners, the 73-year-old brand was alive only in Seattle. Now Green River is on the rise again. Clover Club Bottling Co., Inc., an 85-year-old company, bought the brand and are expanding its bottler network.

So why is Green River coming back now? There is no other flavor like it on the market, and it has visual appeal with its bright green color. The brand takes people back to a pleasant time in their life, in the 1950's and 1960's - a time of corner soda fountains and drive-in movies. At first only the old timers were buying, but now everyone is.

Happy Mother's Day!

I am spending Mother's Day weekend at my parents' house, so I will blog more tomorrow. Mainly because their computer is slow, and I simply don't have the patience.

I am so delusional. I thought we would come down for a nice, relaxing Mother's Day weekend. Yet somehow, the kids ended up sunburned, Georgia came down with an ear infection, and we ate our celebratory Mother's Day dinner at the Steakhouse amidst screaming and crying. I did manage to get a few bites of steak in between hopping up and chasing Georgia across the restaurant.

And this was only after I ran into the mother of my high school arch-nemesis, who told me how much my daughter was like me. Is that because I have a beautiful daughter or because she was a screaming hellion? Hmmm . . . Not quite sure how to take that one.

We did finally manage to get the children to bed, and I then celebrated with a big bowl of coffee ice cream. All is well with the world.

When we get home on Sunday evening, Eric and the kids were planning to take me out for a nice dinner. After today's fiasco, I'm thinking take-out and a bottle of wine out on the deck will suffice just fine.

I hope your Mother's Day is filled with love, coffee, and no screaming.

Happy Mother's Day to all, and to all a good night!

Washing Machine Fiasco

Okay, I have been doing my own laundry for almost 20 years now. You would think I would have the hang of it. *sigh*

I got the bright idea the other day to wash ALL of the bedding in the house. I stripped the kids’ beds, and our bed. Everything was going along fine until I decided to wash the pillow-top thing on our mattress. I’m sure you all have seen these things. It’s almost like like a big down comforter on top of your mattress. Or as I like to say, it’s like sleeping on a cloud. Or at least it is for a little while.

After you sleep on the pillow top, it flattens out after awhile. There’s really nothing sadder than sleeping on a flattened out cloud, now is there? Well, maybe a broken down Gigi is sadder, but that’s another story entirely.

I got the bright idea that I could fluff the pillow topper back up if I washed it and dried it in the dryer. I looked at the tag and it said, “machine washable and tumble dry.” At least, that is what I read. Eric later pointed out that it said “front-load washing machines only.” WTF? To me, that means machine-washable. I didn’t quite see what the hell the difference was.

I drug my pillow-topper downstairs and began stuffing it in my top-loading washing machine. The fact that shoving it in there was such an ordeal should have really been a sign.

Once I got that mother in there, I started the machine and went back upstairs. After the cycle ran, I went down to move it to the dryer. I opened up the washing machine, and started trying to pull it out. I pulled and pulled and yanked and yanked and huffed and puffed, then took a break, and yanked some more. The damn thing did not freaking budge.

To say it was stuck would be an understatement. Apparently, it had wound itself around the agitator thing and gotten wedged underneath the agitator. It was jammed. I guess that’s the reason it was “front load only” as Eric would seethingly tell me later.

After working on trying to get that damn thing out for an hour and breaking two nails in the process, I finally gave up. I called Eric at work. I didn’t even go into what happened, I just started out with, “I think we need a new washer.” To which he replied, “What did you do?”

I was utterly offended. “Well, what do you mean what did I do?! What makes you think I did something?!”

Silence.

“Okay, fine,” I said. “I broke the damn washing machine.”

I explained the situation, and basically got a lot of loud sighs in response. When Eric got home, he went downstairs to assess the damage. After he worked on it for about an hour, he actually managed to get the damn thing out. Then I immediately stuffed in the dryer.

There was no agitator in there, so I was safe. It took about five hours to dry the damn thing, but at least it was clean. It did seem extremely lumpy, but that’s beside the point.

Unfortunately, even though we got the pillow topper out of the washing machine, I really do think it screwed up the agitator. Does anyone remember when you had to put chains on your tires when it snowed? Remember the sound they made when driving? Okay, that’s the sound my washing machine makes now.

My husband is Not. Happy. But I’m trying to stay optimistic. You may soon be reading a post about my brand new washing machine!

13 Things About Being a Mother

I recently got this as a forward, so some of you may have seen this already. I just thought in honor of Mother's Day, this would make a perfect Thursday Thirteen.

1. Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after having a baby. - That somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal" is history.

2. Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct. - That somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

3. Somebody said being a mother is boring. - That somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

4. Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, you're child will "turn out good." - That somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

5. Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices. - That somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

6. Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother. - That somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

7. Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first. - That somebody never had five children.

8. Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in books. - That somebody never had a child stuff M&M's up his nose or in his ears.

9. Somebody said the hardest part about being a mother is labor and delivery. - That somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

10. Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back. - That somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

11. Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married. - That somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

12. Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home. - That somebody never had grandchildren.

13. Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her. - That somebody isn't a mother.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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